All ready for our first proper date...now suddenly gone quiet

[The Dodo]

Hi, I was hoping someone might be able to offer me some advice.

I met a girl (friend of a friend) on Sunday 5th. The mutual attraction was pretty much instant and we had a great night together. I texted her on Tuesday 7th and we had a great conversation over the course of the day, culminating in her asking if I wanted to meet up that Friday. I checked with her on the Thursday whether she was still OK for us to get together but she came back to me pretty briefly to advise that she wasn't very well, although offered to reschedule for Friday of this week. We then had another text conversation on Saturday that went really well and got pretty flirtatious.

At this point I thought it was best to leave things for a few days to avoid coming across as over-keen. I texted her again this morning to catch up but whereas she usually comes back to me straight away I haven't heard anything since. I've got her on Facebook and she updated via mobile this morning that she was bored on her day off so it's not like she's too busy or can't access her phone.

Really unsure whether I've screwed up somewhere down the line. Not sure whether to try texting again at some point to see whether she still wants to meet up (tomorrow? Friday?) or just leave it.

[vashti]

I would ask her if your date is still on, and tell her you wanted to confirm the time you will be picking her up. If she doesn't respond (or cancels) again, forget about her.

[Am I crazy?]

Maybe Im just old school here but your mistake is all the stupid texting. Just call the girl and have a conversation. F*** texting. You dont get to know people through texting.

[Wakeup]

MY god you read she was bored on her day off so why wouldn't you call her and see if she wanted to meet you for lunch or something? Waiting too long between dates is not condusive to you bonding with one another. If she says she doesn't want to do lunch then at least you've had a voice to voice conversation with her that will keep you in her mind.

[The Dodo]

I would ask her if your date is still on, and tell her you wanted to confirm the time you will be picking her up. If she doesn't respond (or cancels) again, forget about her. .

Yeah I think that's going to be my next step. Will give it a day or so and see if I get any response to my initial message before trying again and then will be more direct about a yes/no answer about Friday.

[The Dodo]

MY god you read she was bored on her day off so why wouldn't you call her and see if she wanted to meet you for lunch or something? Waiting too long between dates is not condusive to you bonding with one another. If she says she doesn't want to do lunch then at least you've had a voice to voice conversation with her that will keep you in her mind.

Oh I've been at work today so no chance to get away (was posting on my brief lunch break before you get any ideas about me slacking off!). We work different days/shifts so there's only a couple of nights that are really convenient to get together at the moment.

[Wakeup]

Oh I've been at work today so no chance to get away (was posting on my brief lunch break before you get any ideas about me slacking off!). We work different days/shifts so there's only a couple of nights that are really convenient to get together at the moment.

Then how do you expect to nuture a relationship if you're on opposite shifts and there's only a couple of nights that are convenient for the both of you?

I understand that you want to partner up but if it's not convenient for you to do so with a particular person then why waste the time that you could be looking for someone wherein you'll both be more available to one another?

[The Dodo]

Then how do you expect to nuture a relationship if you're on opposite shifts and there's only a couple of nights that are convenient for the both of you?

I understand that you want to partner up but if it's not convenient for you to do so with a particular person then why waste the time that you could be looking for someone wherein you'll both be more available to one another?

Good point, hadn't really given that too much thought until now. I guess we got on so well initially I wanted to see whether it was something worth pursuing, if our working lives aren't compatible then I can accept that.

Like I said before all the signs were 100% there until I backed off for a couple of days with the intention to not overcrowd her. Just confused by the sudden silence when she'd originally given me her address to pick her up etc., either she's switched to playing hard to get (maybe assuming I was doing the same?) or has just changed her mind. I'm not going to take it too hard if it turns out to be a 'no', it's just the uncertainty I can't stand...

[michelle23]

if she seemed very keen texting you and then you didnt contact her for a few days-it may have turned her off. some people want to keep in touch each day

[Wakeup]

Good point, hadn't really given that too much thought until now. I guess we got on so well initially I wanted to see whether it was something worth pursuing, if our working lives aren't compatible then I can accept that.

Like I said before all the signs were 100% there until I backed off for a couple of days with the intention to not overcrowd her. Just confused by the sudden silence when she'd originally given me her address to pick her up etc., either she's switched to playing hard to get (maybe assuming I was doing the same?) or has just changed her mind. I'm not going to take it too hard if it turns out to be a 'no', it's just the uncertainty I can't stand...

Re-read Vashti's post and then go from there. No sense having a brain overload over her at this point.

[The Dodo]

if she seemed very keen texting you and then you didnt contact her for a few days-it may have turned her off. some people want to keep in touch each day

That's my worry, it was always me that was initiating the conversation though so was concerned I was overdoing. Looks I may have gone too far in the opposite direction now.

[The Dodo]

Re-read Vashti's post and then go from there. No sense having a brain overload over her at this point.

Will do, thank you. Going to try and put this out of my mind for now and try again tomorrow.

[The Dodo]

OK, it's a new day. As expected no response last night or this morning so am going to try again shortly. Will send a friendly 'hello' and ask if we are still on for tomorrow night.

Just hope I get some kind of response this time, there's a chance our social circles could cross again in the future and I'd feel much more awkward seeing her again if I'd been given the silent treatment rather than being told 'no' so I could just move on.

This will definitely be my final attempt at contact if I don't hear back anyway. Wish me luck...

[The Dodo]

Right, the message has gone. No word back so far though.

Still really confused why I'm getting no contact when she was only saying at the weekend how much she was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. Kind of kicking myself I changed a winning formula when texting her every other day was starting to build a connection and lead towards the date that most likely won't happen now.

Oh well, as I said before I'll let this one go if I don't hear back. Just not looking forward to the awkwardness if we do run into each other again (she's the sister of the best friend of my friend's other half...if that makes any sense!)

[Wakeup]

Right, the message has gone. No word back so far though.

No sweat, there are other girls out there and you just started to date her. Don't message her again, it's her turn to reach out to you.

Still really confused why I'm getting no contact when she was only saying at the weekend how much she was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.

She's showing you who she is. Pay attention to her indifference.

Kind of kicking myself I changed a winning formula when texting her every other day was starting to build a connection and lead towards the date that most likely won't happen now.

That is ONLY speculation. Texting doesn't "build a connection" it's good for maintaining one (apparently and according to the young girls around here) but the only way you can build a connection worth anything is if you're doing it face to face or at least voice to voice. Words on a screen are only words until there is actions to back them up.

Oh well, as I said before I'll let this one go if I don't hear back. Just not looking forward to the awkwardness if we do run into each other again (she's the sister of the best friend of my friend's other half...if that makes any sense!)

Then you'd think if she was going to feel awkward, she would have acted with a little more decorum. *shrugs* it's only Thursday (here) maybe she'll reply .. up to you if you want to bother. BTW "awkward" is a state of mind, so is indifference so choose indifference to her if/when you see her when you're with your mutual friends.