I need some help

[Gena]

I am 26 years old and I fell in love with a guy named Josh two years ago. We were engaged to be married. One day I went to the doctor and he wanted to do a hysterectomy. Well, Josh and I started trying to have a baby. We ended up getting pregnant 5 months later. Two weeks after I found out I was pregnant he left me. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife/mom so I was not working when he left me. I had no place to live and had to move in with family.

He had basicly nothing to do with me through my pregnancy, and I begged him to come to the delivery which he showed up for. He never even said two words to me during the whole process. Now my baby is 4 months old and I am still in love with him. He tells me he loves me , but that we cannot be together right now and he cant see into the future. I know I need to move on , but I dont know how. Its been a year and I still call him and beg him to work things out. We are always arguing about it. I cannot brak contact with him because of our baby. He cant pick her up because he doesnt know ANYTHING about taking care of a baby. Plus she crys most of the time when he holds her. What do I do? I have been waiting for him for a year. I get angry if a guy flirts with me. I havent so much as looked at another man. He hasnt tried to sleep with me or anything. I have my heart broken weekly when he comes over and then walks out my door. It still hurts just like the day he left. Sometimes I just want to take off and move and never see him again, but it wouldnt be far to my baby girl.

[shh!]

Aw, jeez - what a sad story for your baby. Didn't you see some indication that Josh was an ass BEFORE you tried getting pregnant? I mean, people really don't change much in such a short period of time, and I have to assume you chose to overlook the warning signs.

I think as far as the two of you go, you have got to focus on your baby now. You are someone's MOTHER, for crying out loud, not a silly teenager. At this point, it's not really about YOU anymore - it is 100% about your baby. When you feel pangs of "love" for Josh, just remember that not every emotion you have requires an action. Forget about men for now; you really have bigger things to worry about. Seek some counseling to work out WHY you made such a poor choice in the first place, or you will end up with a carbon copy of this guy.

About your baby - Don't worry about the crying when she is with her father. She needs to get used to him, that's all. It is normal for babies to experience separation anxiety when exposed to new people, and it is important that she be allowed access to her father so she can form a normal bond (assuming he is interested in her well being, of course, and is in no way dangerous to her). Thank god your parents took you in so this baby can hopefully have some sense of stability.

[Tone]

What a ****ing scumbag... from the sounds of your story you say you guys decided to try to have a baby together... as in it was a mutual agreement and not just something that accidentally happened... and then he leaves you after it happens???

Don't beg him to get back together, he's NOT worth it darlin. What a ****ing scumbag. Take shh's advice.

[Gena]

I just got off the phone with him, and like always he is cutting me down making me feel bad about myself. I am a *****. Stupid. He hates me, I am a bad mother because I took my insuarance settlement and paid up bills so I can go to school. (Because I am not working) I am crazy and lazy. Basically everything you can think of.

When I met him he was the sweetest guy that I have ever met in my life. After he left me his personality changed overnight. His whole family says he has too. I dont understand. And I can try to talk to him about anything not just us, and he goes from one extreme to the other. So, a minute ago I decided to withhold visitation until we recieve some counseling. Regardless of whether or not we ever work things out, my daughter , Olivia, deserves better than this and so do I. I know its wrong to deny them that time together. But its always at my expense(emotionally) I am making something of myself and I want to feel good about myself again. I feel so crappy about this, but what chioces do I have. Niether his family nor my family want to be a meeting place. I thought about maybe meeting at a restuarant until counsleling is completed. How often do you guys think would be fair?

If at all. I was also wanting your opinion on times. How long? I dont want to hurt either of them. I just see no other way. ANY advice would be appreciated.

[Asip4u]

When I met him he was the sweetest guy that I have ever met in my life.

This is what the main problem is...Don't concentrate on how he was, he's not like that anymore and there's a good chance that was just an act. Don't beat yourself up because he's such a jerk. Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. There are many real men out there who are dying to get to know you. Good Luck!

[artyemi]

Gena, you sound too harsh on yourself.

And he sounds harsh on you.

If you were your daughter, would you want to see your father treating your mother this way?

Self respect, Gena.

[whaywardj]

Bullshit and poppycock. WALK AWAY. Stop trying to make your infant child take the blame for what you're having trouble doing. From your posts, it's obvious this jerk wants nothing to do with parenting, so kick him to the curb and focus on what YOU can do that is best for your child. Indulging yourself in self-pity over what HE isn't doing IS NOT the best thing you can be doing for your child. You can no longer afford the luxury of behaving like a broken-hearted and spurned lover. For the foreseeable future, you are utterly and totally responsible for another human life. You're a mother now. Suck it up and act like one. Sure, it's tough and it's gonna be tougher. But you brought yourself to it, now you have to get yourself -- AND your child -- through it.

[shh!]

I agree with what you have written, whaywardj, except the bit about kicking him to the curb, but only because it may be illegal. (Or maybe it is merely my interpretation of your meaning that is flawed.) American dads have rights nowadays, and using your child as a pawn and withholding visitation - assuming it has been legally awarded - is illegal. And honestly, whether or not he is nice to momma is irrelevant so long as he is nice to the baby. Kids benefit when interacting with their fathers, especially girls.

But yes, as far as mommy and daddy together, that most likely ain't gonna happen, and I don't know why anyone would WANT to be saddled with such a loser.

[whaywardj]

Point taken, shh! I was just being a little reactive.

[shh!]

whaywardj = women's libber
shh! = men's libber

haha

[Only-virgins]

This guy sounds like a great inspiration to all human males. What an awesome guy. He planned the entire thing and then just took off?..wow..what a great man.

The above message has been brought to you by [url]www.sarcasm-up-the-ass-.com[/url]

[whaywardj]

"whaywardj = women's libber
shh! = men's libber"

Hm. Sounds like a match made in heaven, shh!!

Where's that picture I've heard rumor of?

[shh!]

(blush) It is not forthcoming - the picture I sent to misombra is of me and my daughter (and our puppy), and I will not post her picture on the internet. As I told misombra, I fear some creepy guy will attach a naked body to her head and send it out as kiddie porn. (Photos of me are scarce since I am the one ususally operating the camera.)

[whaywardj]

Aww. :-( Oh well. You can find one of me here if you want: [url]http://hayward.cx.la[/url]. Go ahead and attach it to a naked body and post it to the gallery if you want. Haven't seen much of myself lately. Might be interesting to see what I look like these days.

[shh!]

Aww! You look like one of those deep, highly intelligent, turtleneck-wearing kind of men that intimidate people with their brilliance, much like a college professor.

(Either that or a serial killer.) :-D

I WOULD attach a naked body to your head for posting if I knew how. But whose body? Hmm.... any suggestions?