Things are not the way they used to be. Please help!

[wadda26]

Things aren’t the way they used to be

I’m a 21 year old college student living in California and just as I moved here for the school year to start I had met a girl 23 years old in a social network. It happened by complete accident. Originally, I was looking for someone who could serve as a language exchange partner over skype as I am planning to learn Japanese and move to Japan, and I guess I got a little more than that. After a couple conversations we really enjoyed each others company and would talk over skype for hours a day. We would stay up all night and watch movies, and sometimes have some fun with the camera . On my birthday which ended up being pretty overwhelming I declared my love to her and she sent it right back. I felt a strong emotional attachment and then things started to change. We started asking each other: Would you get jealous if I dated other girls guys? At first I encouraged her to date other guys, because I didn’t want her to feel lonely. However, she insisted that she wasn’t interested in guys at the moment. Likewise, she told me that if I wanted to date other girls it would be ok with her. For a while I did, but then again not really. At the time I was feeling insecure about my last break up and welt a need for companionship as I was living alone in a new city, but after dating two girls nothing happened not even a kiss goodnight. One girl put me in the friend zone, and the other stopped calling, because I didn’t make a move. I didn’t care though, I was in love with the girl online. The entire time I dated I told her about everything as she told me she wanted to know, I was honest the entire time, and after the second girl I dated, I gave up.
We both agreed the long distance relationship was tough, but we never fought, we trusted each other, and every time we could talk we were happy. a couple weeks after I confessed my love to her she wanted to come clean about something, she told me she had slept with an African painter who sold paintings on the street before we confessed our love, practically a stranger. I was shocked. At first, I blew it off and said it didn’t matter, then after a while I felt insecure, then finally I got over it.
Then another incident happened. After arriving back from visiting my family in my hometown we were chatting and I told her she was hiding something from me, at first it was kind of a bluff, but then after thinking about it I knew something was up. She told me that after I gave up dating girls she went out with her friend (who sleeps with a lot of guys and takes advantage of her friends) to a club and follows them into their youth hostels and climbs into bed with them. She gave the stranger a blowjob, without even getting his phone number or learning his name. When she told me the story my heart sank, and I was devastated. I remember the last conversation we had just before she went out with her friend to the club, I told her that being in my house brought back a lot of bad memories and that I had never felt so depressed while talking to her before.
I started self medicating by drinking alcohol more frequently. She I could tell she felt really guilty. I told her I didn’t want to be friends anymore then I told her I did, I was very confused. She told me it was a big mistake and that she would try to make things right anyway she could, and she did. After a couple days of being all depressed I started to feel better, and I really felt happy and anxious to make her mine for good. Unfortunately the problem had not been solved all together. The trust I had for her was not there, and deep down I resented her for hurting me. I sometimes would go too far when teasing her, things went ok for the most part for a couple months until last night. At some point in a conversation she unpurposefully reminded me of the incident, and broke down in insecurity, depression, and confusion. I started talking to her out of anger telling her I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t handle the paranoia of wondering if she would ever keep secrets from me again. She said she doesn’t want to feel guilty any more, and we started talking about ending the relationship.
After really thinking about how I felt, I told her I was confused and depressed. I felt very much in love with her, but the paranoia and sadness would not go away, because I could not trust her anymore despite trying, and she didn’t want to feel to be with me if she made me sad. We have never met in person, but I’ve never felt this way about someone before, its been 9 months since we met, and in few months we’ll get the opportunity to. What should we do? should we stay together or try to end it? sorry this is so long, but any advice would be appreciated.

[michelle23]

I think you should forget her and move on with your life. You dont trust her and trust is a very fragile thing. Even if you do get very serious and become a proper couple-I dont think these doubts and insecurities will ever go away and your better off starting fresh with someone else

[wadda26]

are you sure I wouldn't be able to trust her again?

I think you should forget her and move on with your life. You dont trust her and trust is a very fragile thing. Even if you do get very serious and become a proper couple-I dont think these doubts and insecurities will ever go away and your better off starting fresh with someone else

[michelle23]

yes 99% sure. Too much has already happened. I wouldnt consider it cheating coz you are long distance and have not actually met in person yet so your not really an item but ask yourself do you really want to be with a girl who is that easy? who will give some randon stranger a bj without even knowing his name? Id run a mile from someone like that but its your choice.

[wadda26]

She says she truly doesn't know why she gave him a bj, but that she never did anything like that before, she didn't enjoy it, and she felt immediate regret. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but she's not that type of girl she's only seen 3 dicks in her life.

[michelle23]

you are making excuses about why you and she should be together . Its your choice but if you decide to stay with her then you need to forgive her and put everything behind you and trust her

[wadda26]

Ok if its possible then I will try it. thank you.

[VincenzoG91]

She says she truly doesn't know why she gave him a bj, but that she never did anything like that before, she didn't enjoy it, and she felt immediate regret. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but she's not that type of girl she's only seen 3 dicks in her life.

If she doesn't know why, she is giving herself permission to do it again.

[wadda26]

that's what I thought, but keep in mind there is a language barrier she seems pretty confused perhaps she was truly insecure and drunk making a really stupid decision. I don't believe she's trying to make the justification of future incidents within her reach. I know her well enough to trust her on that much.

If she doesn't know why, she is giving herself permission to do it again.

[wadda26]

She and I had agreed to seek help together so she has created an account. She choose the name marshmallow.

[marshmallow]

Thank you for giving a advice. I agree with you, I will say same thing if I see someone’s posting like this. I am grad to get your words. Thank you for your time. I am appreciated.

[Valixy]

Welcome, marshmallow!

I hope you two will succeed to solve your problems.