Why isn't being a good, caring guy enough?

[bob the brave]

A girl at work declined my interest because I was too short (5'9" she is 5'7"). She did it a pretty callus and inconsiderate way.

Then she hooked up with one of the shipping guys (5'10") who is a player. After they hooked up, he came to me and said, "I ****** her and there is nothing you can do about it." The look of malice on his face was sickening. He knew it would hurt me a lot and he was truly enjoying every sylable.

Then he moved on to the next which hurt this girl. So, who does she come to, me. I tell her no because neither her nor her player bf were particularly kind to me, I was hurt, and I thought her actions exposed a selfish, discompasionate character. I didn't tell her all this, I just said no. The player would call me Pee Wee and she would laugh. I weight 160 lbs and am a certified physical fitness trainer (not my profession) and in great shape. The player is fat and out of shape.

Five months later she got married to someone outside the company. Five months after that she is pregnant with their first child.

I had to sit at the table with them at my bosses bat mitzva. Her husband is 6'1"-6'2", average looking. The player was at least animated, social and funny. This guy is boring. He barely looked up from his plate the whole time.

Here is what hurts. I am a funny guy, a caring guy. I speak 5 languages, play the guitar, ride a sport bike, rock climb, box, authored patents, taught in universities in China (I am a white American), been half way up Mt. Everest and had my lung collapse. I am an electrical engineer, but have worked as a self-employed artist for a while. None of this she knows because she could never get past my size. The player has never been out Queens, has no education and a paper route at 34 years of age. He cares about no one.

She is sweet and affectionate to both these guys. I am treated like crap. I'm sure her husband thinks she is an angle. It's hurts so much when you are a good guy, you really care for someone and they only want someone taller; who they are beyond that is not imprtant. I am not db. I am not a wimp.

This has hurt me so bad, I haven't spoken to this girl for a year, though we work only 20 feet apart. I hurts so bad, I am having to find another job. It just amazes me the power of height. You can be the biiggest ***** in the world and you're golden. A shorter guy with a heart and accomplishments is nothing but garbage.

[michelle23]

You need to get over it man. So what this girl was too shallow-the next girl wont be.

Your better off without her. Dont let one stupid comment about your height crush you. Theres lots of women 5'3", 5'4" who would be interested in you. Tall girls like taller guys just so they can wear high heels lol. Its not a personal insult to you and you should forget about it.

Two of my friends are about 5'7"-5'8" and they always go for guys who are over 6'. Im 5'3 and my bf is 5'11 but my ex was a 5'9.

Id never go for a guy whos over 6' coz id look like a dwarf beside him haha! Most people base their type on their own attraction, height, weight, build etc.

Seriously dont take it personally

You need to get over her. Its been a year and you need to concentrate on meeting a nice woman for you.

[stan92964]

I've been there
I'm guessing I'm a lot older than you now. I've dated in high school and college ... been married twice ... made more than my share of mistakes with women. I went back to school an did a Masters in Psychology but had to do a lot more practical studying than that to figure out how women think and makes good relationships work. I did learn what I wanted and have been married now for 11 years to a women I rate as a 10. I never take her for granted and tell her I love her every day.

Speaking to your issues; women are attracted to confidence and security more than anything else. Particularly younger women mistake selfish arrogance for confidence often … big mistake on their part. Many learn the difference as they get older. Did you ever hear that song "Older women make better lovers" that didn't come from nothing.

Attraction (chemistry) is a strange thing. If someone isn't attracted to you, don't take it personal. It happens on both sides often. Even that ass$#%@ has had that ego deflating experience. It happens to everyone. And by the way; inconsiderate selfish bullies are weak unhappy people that just put on a front.

REMEMBER you only need just one that works! There are a lot of women out there with an experience just like yours and they are wondering where you are. I was a Relationship coach for almost 20 years before I retired. I know this to be true. There are more than 125 million single people on the internet looking for love just like you are. Don't think for 1 second there aren't many many women out there that you would be ecstatic to be with and they will feel the same about you. The kind of woman you want is looking for a guy just like you.

[VincenzoG91]

Don't try to date co-workers anymore. It's lazy and foolish.

[Starnique]

It's not you. It's them. A lot of time girls will go for the bad guy cuz the good guy is boring. But then almost every girl regret it because the bad guy breaks their hearts and most of the time it be too late. I remember a guy friend.of mine..he is such a good guy but this girl told him he was too nice and was too (together) for him. How in the hell is someone too together? As a woman I want a man that has it together and help me grow. Anyway he said he supposed if he was beating her ass and cheating on her etc then she would want him. Just keep dating and having fun and you will meet someone.who is on your level and appreciates you.

[michelle23]

look for a confident woman who will appreciate a nice guy. Insecure ones always go for the bad guys coz they think that if they can tame him or change him-it will make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread. Its an ego thing.

They are idiots and they learn the hard way you cant "change" anyone but it just makes her think there is nothing special about her so she makes the same stupid mistakes again and again.

By the time she is actually ready to meet a nice guy-she is so f**ked up from all her baggage that she doesnt fully trust him and ultimately pushes him away,

Seriously, find a confident woman who has high self-esteem, who has never taken any shit from any guy and who expects to be treated right. She will dump any guy who tries to mess with her and hell be sorry as he watches her run a mile in the opposite direction knowing that she was the best he EVER had

[Wakeup]

Here is what hurts. I am a funny guy, a caring guy. I speak 5 languages, play the guitar, ride a sport bike, rock climb, box, authored patents, taught in universities in China (I am a white American), been half way up Mt. Everest and had my lung collapse. I am an electrical engineer, but have worked as a self-employed artist for a while.

Yet your letting this one insecure woman with obvious self-esteem issues pee in your cornflakes??????

[VincenzoG91]

Immature women are unable to understand the difference between assertive men and bad boys. Confidence doesn't require cruelty.

[fearoflove]

I don't think its about the height. There isn't a huge difference between a 5'9 and a 5'10.

[HeartIsAching]

Five months later she got married to someone outside the company. Five months after that she is pregnant with their first child.

This is what you need to focus on - she's got issues. So what if a crazy woman didn't want you? A good one will. You're talented and creative and I know lots of good men that are shorter than you that do just fine in that arena.

[searock]

Here we go again...

Bob, it's time to let go.

Edited to add: height has nothing to do with attractiveness, in general. One of the hottest guys I know is shorter than me (I'm average height for a girl). Another friend of mine is even shorter, and he's been in a relationship for almost an year with a girl he adores. Another guy I used to know was a successful "player", and he was also shorter than me.

Your height is not the issue.

[michelle23]

no the issue is her

[bob the brave]

thanks and I'm convinced you're all correct. thanks for reading.

It's funny once she told me I was a 'good guy' like it was a compliment. Then she shags a married player, gets hurt and comes back to me because she I thought would be nice to her. I said no, so now the player is jerk and I am a jerk. Funny and sad at the same time.

[Wakeup]

thanks and I'm convinced you're all correct. thanks for reading.

It's funny once she told me I was a 'good guy' like it was a compliment. Then she shags a married player, gets hurt and comes back to me because she I thought would be nice to her. I said no, so now the player is jerk and I am a jerk. Funny and sad at the same time.

More examples of her low self-worth, issues and that she's piss poor relationship material. She needs therapy and a 'good guy' who is without codependency issues would NEVER want to be with someone like her. (it least not for more than a good time, hence why the player, played her).

Onward and upward, sport.