Talking to a girl

[IvanS]

So, I'm a guy that has 19 years and I still haven't made out with a girl. Ok, so you may say that I'm a dork, fag, nerd or whatever else, but I'll tell you that you're wrong. I'm a normal guy, I'm neither goodlooking nor badlooking, I'm neither fat nor fit, and my friends tell me that if thay had my body and looks they would find themselves bunch of girls to make out or do some other things. So what's my problem. My problem is rather simple, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK, OR WHAT TO TALK ABOUT WITH GIRLS. I mean I do have girlfriends (just as friends)
and when I'm with them and my male friends, we can talk about anything, but when I'm with a girl that I like even if she's a friend of mine I get lost. I start to stutter, become shy ( that's also a problem with which I can't deal with), and I don't know what to talk about with her.

Please help me because there is a girl, which I care about a lot and we have only 2 months to see each other since I'm going to faculty in other country and who knows when we shall meet again.

[Asip4u]

Hey Ivan, i understand your situation completely. I was a lot like that until i started viewing things in a different way. You have to do things with her without putting so much pressure on yourself. I know it's hard to do this but it works very well if you can manage. Imagine her as any other friend and don't think about the fact you love her so much. When you go and do something together, just let things happen naturally so don't force anything and it doesn't matter if she sees that you're shy, a lot of girls love that about a guy.

[coffeecrazy]

Well seeing as you only have 2 months; go for it. If she says yes then great and if she says no then you never have to see her again.

[shh!]

Shyness occurs when one is overly focused on themselves, over-analyzing their own comments and behaviors and worried about what others will think of them. This is why it is sometimes called "selfish"to be shy - you are focused more on your self than on the other person. Try turning the tables a bit. Act as though you are a good host, whose job it is to see to the needs/wishes/comfort of others, rather than a guest, who needs to be made to feel comfortable. (I hope that made sense.)

[misombra]

that's a good point shh i never thought of shyness in that way. you're underscoring yourself as unworthy of making a mistake or saying something wrong. hmm, i will be thinking more on that one...

[shh!]

[QUOTE=misombra]that's a good point shh i never thought of shyness in that way. [QUOTE]

Eh, this is what comes of analyzing my own tendancy towards shyness. I think it is the curse of introspective people to feel shy.

[misombra]

...shyness is nice and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to...

[bball_1523]

I have your same problem. I suck at talking with girls. I think you might just want to take it slow and maybe pop up simple questions to girls like "how was your weekend," "what are doing for summer?" etc. Maybe a girl might start talking about her weekend on how she went to a concert with her friends. Then you could ask her what bands played and what kind of music she likes, then it can progress even further.

I think shyness in one sense could be thought of as selfishness, but to think that way, I think it puts enormous pressure on us shy guys to get out of it because we have that selfish mentality and therefore feel pressured to get out of it because others might be thinking we are just selfish.

I tend to think shyness as a natural personality that we just grew up with because of our past experiences in life. I do believe that we can get out of shyness by progressively improving out communication with others.

I used to be in a box my freshmen year in high school, then my sophomore year I just starting talking a lot more and saying hi to women, etc. It really helped me be more confident. I am still a shy guy, but once I start talking and if the girl is responsive then I would love to keep talking forever.

I am guessing my main problem is that if I try to talk to a girl, and she doesn't seem interested or I never get a chance to talk to her, then I start to shy away even more. You think that affects you IvanS?

[IvanS]

I have your same problem. I suck at talking with girls. I think you might just want to take it slow and maybe pop up simple questions to girls like "how was your weekend," "what are doing for summer?" etc. Maybe a girl might start talking about her weekend on how she went to a concert with her friends. Then you could ask her what bands played and what kind of music she likes, then it can progress even further.

I think shyness in one sense could be thought of as selfishness, but to think that way, I think it puts enormous pressure on us shy guys to get out of it because we have that selfish mentality and therefore feel pressured to get out of it because others might be thinking we are just selfish.

I tend to think shyness as a natural personality that we just grew up with because of our past experiences in life. I do believe that we can get out of shyness by progressively improving out communication with others.

I used to be in a box my freshmen year in high school, then my sophomore year I just starting talking a lot more and saying hi to women, etc. It really helped me be more confident. I am still a shy guy, but once I start talking and if the girl is responsive then I would love to keep talking forever.

I am guessing my main problem is that if I try to talk to a girl, and she doesn't seem interested or I never get a chance to talk to her, then I start to shy away even more. You think that affects you IvanS?

Yep, you're right. If I start talking to a girl and she doesn't reply I start thinking about myself what a dumbass I am, and then I probably don't talk with her all through the evening.

Well, thanks for the advices I think they will help me a lot.

However, there is one thing that bugs me. You see, 3 weeks ago we talked about summer holidays and who is going where. Anyway she said she wants to go to seaside but doesn't have with who, so I gave her tips that she can go with her friends, family or boyfriend. Well, she said she doesn't have any. So that was OK for me. But on our prom night we danced together and she wanted to go out, well I blew it and after a hour I saw her kissing other guy. My world started to colapse but the next day I found out it's nothing serious ( I guess she wanted to make me jealous or wanted to satisfy her lust), but this bothers me. 2 days ago we received our GCSE diplomas and she wanted me to drive her to her ex-boyfriend. I am in doubt. Are they just friends or is it becoming something serious? What should I do? Wait and see or attack?

[misombra]

That's a very intriguing perspective on shyness, and it appeals to me; I'll have to try to get into that frame of mind when the situation arrises.



lol, when I was at a bar with my friends, I saw this very attractive, tall & slender girl on the dance floor. I couldn't take my eyes off her all night...when my group was about to leave, I thought, "F#@k it, even it blows up in my face, I'll be leaving in minutes anyway..." So I walked up to her, tapped her on the shoulder, and asked, "What would it take for me kiss you?" She burst out in laughter and said, "Alot!" She then proceeded to walk away, over to her table, point at me to her acquaintences, and God only knows what she was saying...


I was fairly drunk at the time, and it seemed like a good idea. I told my friends about it the next day, and they all found it quite hilarious, though I don't know if they were laughing with me or at me...

lol that's great! i'm sure she was at least flattered.

[Asip4u]

hahah, yea misombra, i wish i could do that...getting embarassed can be cool at times

Ivan, she probably wants you to make your move which is why she's doing stuff like visiting her ex and kissing another guy. If she asked about going away and she doesn't have friends or b/f, she's obviously giving you a hint that she'd go with you. So..Attack!

[boobaa]

I share your problem, IvanS. That problem is the reason why I am alone right now. As I am shy, there are girls who has come to me, but I was just...
I say the opposite things I think and that just screws things up.

[bball_1523]

I share your problem, IvanS. That problem is the reason why I am alone right now. As I am shy, there are girls who has come to me, but I was just...
I say the opposite things I think and that just screws things up.

I guess for me, I am always occupied with other women when another woman comes toward me. So I forget about the woman who comes to me, and go fort he woman that I was interested in beforehand. So far I haven't been successful with the women beforehand, and the women that were coming to me at the present became the "women beforehand," because I then started gaining interest in them after I got rejected by the other women. Then it ends up being a cycle where the girls I just started gaining interest in are no longer interested in me.

I really don't know what to do there, but to be more open minded when a girl does come up to me and shows interest.