Very,very confusing situation...

[roberto1]

Hello all! This is the first time i am posting here and i hope i will get some good advice. So my story is the following: In my first year of college me and a girl class mate of mine really started talking and becoming really good friends. She was really into me, talking to me, hugging me, cuddling and she was telling me ( as a joke) that we will get married and how good we would be toghether.She even told me that if she wouldn t be in a relationship she would be my girlfriend. But she had a boyfriend that she didn't really like anymore. So we were good friends and finally she broke up with him but i was to scared to make a move for a period. I really cared for her and we were closer and closer. She used to tell me once in a while that she loves me and one night after we didn't talk for about a week because we had an argument she called me and told me that she could't learn because she was thinking of me and she thought she was in love with me. When she told me this i was flabbergasted and i decided finally to make a move. I already had her birthday present (it was exactly what she wanted) and i gave it to her and asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend. She said no, that she doesn't want to have a boyfriend for now and only wants to be friends. I took this answer well ,but from that moment on she started distancing herself from me. We talked on the phone really rarely, on the net almost never, at college she started going places without me, making other friends and being very distant to me. Before i told her that i wanted her to be my girlfriend she used to tell me that i look nice, that i am funny and that she never has met a guy so much like her (personality wise). I asked her what s the matter with her and she told me that i'm imagining things and that she is the same.I tried calling her but she seemed real bored when she was talking to me. I felt miserable for 2 months and a month a go i saw that she is in a relationship with another guy. I really got depressed and stopped talking to her completely(we were in vacation so she didn't really notice ). So she called me to talk and i told her that is better for me not to call me and we should stop being friends. She told me that she was distancing herself from me because she I scared by telling her to be my girlfriend( but i am certain she knew that) and that she can't be my girlfriend. I asked her why and she said becouse i am to childish and immature but i think this is bullshit. So another week passed and on the night before my birthday she called me and told me she was sorry she treated me like that and she wants to be my friend and that she likes me. I really cared about her and started talking to her again . On my birthday we met and she was really nice and i told her that i can't be the same with her and she told me that it's because it in love with her( like it s my fault) and she really likes her new boyfriend because he is her type or something. We met again the next week and she told me about her boyfriend something like how funny he is and it really depressed me(im certain she could have avoided talking about him if she wanted). I don't really understand what she wants and why is she treating me like this. Of course she does not complement me at all now and our "friendship" is really stale. I don't want to be friends with her anymore and care less and less about her but it is hard to keep my distance because we see each other everyday. Now the only thing she manages to do when we meet is to bring me down but at least i don't feel as bad as a month ago. I only feel sad because i wasted 3 months of my life because of her and she knew that she was bringing me down but didn t seem to care. What should i do to make her at least tell me something real, not all that bullshit that i am to childish ? Or what kind of person can do this and feel no remorse. At least no apparent remorse... Thank you very much for reading my sad, sad story....

[OKANEED]

Okay, well I am not going to pretend that I know what is going through her head, but there are two options in my opinion. You ignore her and move on with your life since she only seems to be dragging you down. You know she has a boyfriend that she likes. Step back from the situation and be impartial, and now think about it. If you are only looking to be with her as a couple then it is not going to happen and you should move on.

However if you are okay with her having a boyfriend and you just want to be friends, then by all means stick around, just don't let her knock you down and play games with you simply because you want to be nice to her. A friendship is a two-way thing, always remember that.

Bottom line from me is, at this point I would be moving on, since it sounds like I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who treats me like that. Good luck with it dude and look after yourself before you lavish attention on others.

[roberto1]

thanks for the advice. I was planning for the first option but it's rather hard being collegues and all...

[Wakeup]

My advice: Tell her outright that you have enough friends that you DON'T have romantic feelings for and it's best that you and she don't associate any longer. PERIOD! Then just walk away. She'll be so shocked that she will not bother you anymore and you can get on with your life and your studies and your pursuit of girls that are interested in you in more ways then their male girlfriend.

Don't let her stagnate you in the land of her emotional support while she gets her physical support from her boyfriend. End it and learn from this that if you're not kissing, hugging and trying to get further then kissing and hugging with a girl, then you're (as I said) her male girlfriend. Don't let any women put you in the position.

Google Ladder Theory and read about the 'friends ladder' so that you keep yourself off that stairway to nowhere.

Good luck.

[roberto1]

I googled Ladder Theory. Very interesnting. I already told her that it would be better for her not to call me anymore and to stop being friends but , like i said, after a week she called me again and said she was sorry and all of that bullshit. Yeah..I should tell her again

[Wakeup]

I googled Ladder Theory. Very interesnting. I already told her that it would be better for her not to call me anymore and to stop being friends but , like i said, after a week she called me again and said she was sorry and all of that bullshit. Yeah..I should tell her again

... and why did you respond to her after you told her that it would be better for her not to call you? You opened up the door again and you have her the go ahead to walk through it when you replied. Stop contridicting what you say with your own actions.

[OKANEED]

Agreed with Wakeup, it is all or nothing. If you think about it you just gave her mixed signals too, even if they were well intentioned. I am not going to pretend that it is easy to cut contact with someone you care about, so if you really want to stay friends then I suggest you discuss it face to face and lay down some ground rules, if she doesn't go with it, get the hell out of dodge But don't end up in the vicious circle of saying that you are done with her and then going back. She will think she can take advantage of you, and you will end up confused and mistreated. Good luck with it, and whatever decision you make, stick with it and be firm.

[roberto1]

Thanks for the good advice. I will do that.