Confusing situation

[atomicdefection]

Not quite sure if this is the proper forum for this, but here goes…

Ok so here’s the deal, there is this girl I dated about 8 months ago and I ended up breaking up with her cause I noticed I wasn’t completely over my ex (we kind of rushed things…) and I didn’t feel I could give her my whole heart when someone else was still holding a part of it. Well it did hurt her and I felt like shit after I noticed what I did.

But anyways me and her are talking again and getting “serious” but the problem is her parents/family aren’t so happy with me. I’ve talked to her about it and she has even said she isn’t over what I didn’t to her, but she is looking past it and looking towards the future.

The problem is her parents aren’t will to let me around and they argue with her about me when she brings me up. Long story short, they hate me right now cause I hurt her. Which I do understand that.

Now me and her really don’t like having to sneak around to see each other, and with that limits us on having time to spend with each other. Mainly what I’m asking for here is some advice on what I should do in this situation. She wants to be with me and I want to be with her but her parents think differently on this. I love this girl like no other, and want to be able to spend time with her with out having to hide everything from her parents and she feels the same way on that. Biggest thing is right now she is 17 so she is still under her parents roof and their control (she will be 18 in a few months).

Seeing this situation from what I’ve said here, do you have any ideas on what could be done here? Sorry if I rambled to much in this it’s kind of late and I’m tired, just thought I’d post this before I forgot about it.


Thanks!

[atomicdefection]

anyone alive out there lol?

[celestialxs]

Why don't you go over to her house and ask her parents if you can talk? Hopefully they'll respect your upfront approach.

[Charlie Boy II]

If you break up what you've written into paragraphs you'll get more readers and more responses.

[atomicdefection]

Why don't you go over to her house and ask her parents if you can talk? Hopefully they'll respect your upfront approach.

I want to try something like that but from knowing her dad as long as I have, he isn't one for reasoning. And she brought something up to her mom about me coming over for Christmas, and got a "We'll see if I let him in this house".

I don't know, her mom isn't one for reasoning either, one of the types that thinks what she thinks and nothing can change that, types. Which she is claiming me as a user, which in ways I guess it could seem. All I'd honestly like to do is be able to sit down and have a talk with them, fill in the blanks, you know. But it doesn't seem that will be to easy.

If you break up what you've written into paragraphs you'll get more readers and more responses.

Yeah, I know, like I stated in it, it was late. But it's fixed.

[Mish]

You'll need to earn back her parents respect, somehow.

Why don't you buy them something nice for Christmas? They don't need to let you into the house. Just say you got something for them and now need to be on your way.

Do something nice for them.

[atomicdefection]

You'll need to earn back her parents respect, somehow.

Why don't you buy them something nice for Christmas? They don't need to let you into the house. Just say you got something for them and now need to be on your way.

Do something nice for them.

That is one of the things I was intending on doing, but her mom is about like mine, very hard to shop for seeing as they don't tell anyone what they want.

[Mish]

Get them something that's nice enough for anyone.

Something that, if some kid knocked on my door today and told me, "hey man, I got you this cause I respect you", that I wouldn't throw in the bin.

[atomicdefection]

Get them something that's nice enough for anyone.

Something that, if some kid knocked on my door today and told me, "hey man, I got you this cause I respect you", that I wouldn't throw in the bin.

Any suggestions?

[Mish]

I don't know, use your imagination. What would fit them?

Even something simple like a really nice tablecloth or bath set for the mum and a bottle of Chivas Regal for the dad could be something they'd appreciate. But, I'm being generic and boring here. Use your prior knowledge of them to come up with something they'd like.

[alidile]

maybe the dad isn't one for reasoning but if you get right up in their face that might work, but ask HER first or she might have to deal with a lot of crap as a consequence.
otherwise, the attack might force someone who's not reasoning to at least listen.
and don't you think for a minute that once she turns 18 everything will change. i'm 20 and i moved out for half a year and everything was good but as soon as i came home, i still ahve a curfew in the sense that i have to say where i'm going and who with and my parents expect to meet anyone i associate with. trust me your problems will not be solved in a few months if you can't fix them now, so do something about it now if you insist on this.
it makes me really upset to think of all these people getting so "serious" as you said at that age. i mean, the older i get the harder it gets, being serious i don't know if you know what that means, but it would be really reversing that and slowing the hell down.

[atomicdefection]

maybe the dad isn't one for reasoning but if you get right up in their face that might work, but ask HER first or she might have to deal with a lot of crap as a consequence.
otherwise, the attack might force someone who's not reasoning to at least listen.
and don't you think for a minute that once she turns 18 everything will change. i'm 20 and i moved out for half a year and everything was good but as soon as i came home, i still ahve a curfew in the sense that i have to say where i'm going and who with and my parents expect to meet anyone i associate with. trust me your problems will not be solved in a few months if you can't fix them now, so do something about it now if you insist on this.
it makes me really upset to think of all these people getting so "serious" as you said at that age. i mean, the older i get the harder it gets, being serious i don't know if you know what that means, but it would be really reversing that and slowing the hell down.

Yeah, that’s the biggest thing we are worried about, with the “up front” attack. Her parents always seemed to take stuff they really should out on her. Which kind of bothers me seeing how she gets treated compared to her brother when he was within the same age, and yet still to this day. But that’s a whole different story.

As you stated I know there are still rules that apply while at home, but she is moving out of the house upon turning 18. Grated I got away with a lot with my parents, never really had a curfew or anything of that type after I was 16 or so (I was also working 40 hours a week at that point as well though).

Now on the “serious” part, I know it gets harder the old you get, I’m currently 19 (will be 20 in less than a month), and my last relationship before her I was in for about 3 years when it came to a horrible ending. Now when I said “serious” maybe it was taken a little to deeply. Basically we are trying to pick up where we left off, and with the fact of her parents not letting me around is making that slightly hard to do so.

One of the bigger things that has bothered me about her parents & brother is they seem to be saying what ever they can to get her to hate me. Which they all act as if they know me, which really they don’t. Maybe they’re just taking a guess from what my dad was like (my dad ran around with her dad when they were younger), maybe not. I went to school with her brother, but never really dated in school, so he can’t really judge me from that, but it seems they are.

[celestialxs]

How 'bout you brainstorm with your girl as to what a good gift might be.

Here are some traditional, "neighborly" options:
Poinsettia plant, home-made cookies, chocolates, potpourri, etc.

Include a letter of apology and ask respectfully for another chance to prove you have only the best intentions in mind for their daughter. Let them know how great of a person you think she is and let them know you are willing to date her on their terms if they'll just give you a chance.

[Stresscity]

If she truely loves you then she would be willing to wait till she is 18 and find ways to accept and make the best out of the time you get. Parents will always be in the way of relationships it takes time to prove you aren't going to hurt their child (including with your situation). Just give it time and make the best out of what you have and prove that you do love her and no matter what you will make her happy and her parents will slow loosen up and see that.

[Gigabitch]

From the parents' point of view, what surety do they have that you're not going to turn around and hurt her again?

Are you over your ex? What were the conditions of the breakup? Did you dump her flat?