I slept with my brother, how can I save our relationship?

[Ann S]

OMG!!!! I think you should go back and read my post! It's angry folks like you who read only part of something and then explode all over the place and call names! I suggested she go to a rape crisis center because it's free......I didn't say she'd been raped because I don't know. YOU need to get a hold of yourself for accuracy. And BTW - do you think swearing at me is going to evoke any respect for your opinion? Ann

[Ann S]

Wakeup - you are perfectly correct! But every Rape Crisis Center in America deals with traumatic events and it doesn't have to be rape. It is FREE and that is the point! Ann

[YoungCosmo]

Per usual....you're not making any sense

Per usual, you have comprehension and aggression issues...Ease off the 'roids, 'Roidy.

[Valixy]

Not so long ago a cousin could marry another cousin and someone in your situation could have even married her step brother perfectly. Society has different norms now but there still are people that and up having a fling with their teenager cousin, or an adopted child who has a crush on one of the family members. People learn about how to deal with physical attraction and childhood and adolescence can be very confusing.

What's done is done and you are not comfortable with it, so I would suggest you to become aware of your mixed feelings for your step brother and start taking control. What happened between you two should never happen again or it will make you both feeling awful, very unhappy and ruin your family harmony. Some people could benefit from an honest conversation with the other person and setting boundaries or simply changing the dynamics of the relationship. If you feel that you need to see a therapist, you should do that, your life circumstances have not been easy and you might need a little help to learn to deal with them correctly.

I suppose it's normal to go through different phases of guilt and rejection but the most important thing for you is to realise that you have some emotional issues that caused this in the first place, become aware of them and prove to be a stronger person little by little. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and looking for intimacy with the wrong person, being that your step brother or any another guy who would tempt you momentarily, simply adds a new problem to the old ones. You just have to learn about yourself and proper relationships, something that we all have to do in a way or another. This being said, I think that you will start feeling better as soon as you bring some light to this issue, understand what caused it and start moving in the right direction.

[stephinie]

OMG!! why and how that happened ? you are in a big mess i think, hope you will recover, just try to ignore, relationship with sibling is never good, think about your future kids, i'm not kidding !!

[michelle23]

OP you cant run and hide forever. At some point you will have to talk to him and its better to do that sooner rather than later.

[TablesandChairs]

Ileana, it's to be expected that you're confused, I'm sure he is too. You're not blood related and you were 10 and he was 14 at the time of you adoption, so i guess you were both old enough to know you weren't 'normal' siblings. BUT you are still defined as siblings, your parents see you as brother/sister and this could end up straining your family dynamics. It's best to have a talk to him and be very honest; tell him that what happened has made you feel both guilty and 'abnormal' and that it cannot happen again. You might want to see a counsellor who can help you sort out your feelings confidentially. You can't run/hide from the issue, no matter how tempting, because it will resurface sooner or later.

[surfhb2]

OMG!!!! I think you should go back and read my post! It's angry folks like you who read only part of something and then explode all over the place and call names! I suggested she go to a rape crisis center because it's free......I didn't say she'd been raped because I don't know. YOU need to get a hold of yourself for accuracy. And BTW - do you think swearing at me is going to evoke any respect for your opinion? Ann

You call the guy a Viper and suggest you she visit a rape crisis center. .I'd say that's fairly clear on the position you're taking. You refer to her as the Victim.....really?!? How do you possibly come to that conclusion when the OP CLEARLY stated it was the best sexual experience of her life?

That's BS and you know it .....furthermore you been called out by other female listers so i guess You just didnt like the way I said it.....too bad for you . In other words... There's not a single poster ( except Cosmo) including the OP, who agrees with your statements.

[surfhb2]

Per usual, you have comprehension and aggression issues...Ease off the 'roids, 'Roidy.

When you actually find out what a relationship, sex and love is, then maybe we can have an intelligent conversation. Bye

[YoungCosmo]

Lol, that's stupid....

[Hightower]

You have to find out how you view him. From a brotherly standpoint or a lover's standpoint. If you want to pursue a relationship prepare yourself for a rocky road. If not, and when you find someone else in your life I would tell them about what happened when you were 18. Trust me. It might sound like something you should never talk about in your life but if it comes out well after you are married it'll be a huge mess. You'd be surprised at what being honest will do to a relationship. But don't do it until there is a serious relationship in the works. This isn't first date material. But if you plan on having kids with another man, you owe him this truth. It won't be as bad as you think. And believe me, it isn't as rare as you think for adopted siblings to get their groove on with each other.

[YoungCosmo]

OMG!!!! I think you should go back and read my post! It's angry folks like you who read only part of something and then explode all over the place and call names! I suggested she go to a rape crisis center because it's free......I didn't say she'd been raped because I don't know. YOU need to get a hold of yourself for accuracy. And BTW - do you think swearing at me is going to evoke any respect for your opinion? Ann

Don't mind surf. He's been angry since the local bro-tastic gym closed down.

[Ann S]

Well, I think we can all politely agree to disagree, then......I do think this 22 yo guy has some responsibility in what happened with his, "sister." What kept him from saying, "no," to her advances? She may have been a willing victim, but I still view her as a victim. It's so interesting in how many try to rationalize this situation. And our writer is the one who is having emotional issues with what happened; I don't hear anything about her brother having negative feelings about it. But I don't have to win this debate. I respect every one's opinion here. Maybe you are all right and I'm not! So be it. Ann

[Ileana]

Hightower and Ann Schiebert,
I understand both of your points, but believe me it's all my fault. And I wouldn't be so ashamed if it wasn't. I also wouldn't if it was not for my brother's feelings. It's not a secret he loves me. I think even his mother suspects it. No, pretty sure she knows. So obviously, I can't just say "let's pretend nothing had happened, ok?", because the night we slept I said I love him, (clearly the intonation meant - not as a brother), which was a lie, made up by me, due to the fear of being alone after the terrible news. I wanted it to happend, though at some point I regret it. And what I am going to say to him now I simply don't know.

[Ann S]

I hope you get some professional help to assist you in figuring out what to do next. As I suggested before, the Rape Crisis Centers would be a good and free place to start. Good Luck, Ann