Does she really love me..?

[reko221]

Hello, my name is Gavin-- thank you for stopping to read this.. I was 15 when this girl & I began talking; she was turning 17 when we started talking. Things were going great, we saw eachother every weekend and throughout the week (her choice), we had so much in common as well. There was never a dull moment between us. Before long we were cuddling in the cold winter nights under the stars, walking hand in hand throughout the day, we weren't intimate though; she loved the fact that I didn't pressure her into anything. I even carried her almost a mile when she broke her ankle while we were hiking-- we were very close. She had terrible nightmares due to trauma as a child, so i would stay up with her on the phone however long it took for her to sleep. Of course id be awoken a few hours later to comfort her while she cried about her nightmares, but I didnt mind. Life was great, she told me she loved me, & I loved her very much. We shopped for outfits for her senior dances, all of her friends liked me-- i should say here that I'm a very, very mature kid so I come off as an 18 year old (and look it). One day she told me she didn't feel right talking to me since I was younger, after almost 2 years of talking and all the things we went through, all the things we did. I took it pretty hard, I mean I'm not the best looking guys and women tend to ignore me, so an absolutely gorgeous, older girl like her talking to me really stuck after we started dating. I still stood by her side while she dated low-life guys who used her, after one guy broke her heart she'd come back to seeing me again, this happened twice beforeI stopped it.. She really messed with my emotions, still does. My friends suggested that she began talking to me just for kicks, some friends say she was being honest, others say she never meant to fall for me, but only pitied me at first.. I guess what I really want is closure, can anyone out there give me their opinion? I've been told my personality is the only good thing about me, could she have been using me? We did and went through so much, she was so passionate (especially when we kissed or etc...). I won't go on longer about her or the subject, but I appreciate anyone who read this or that can offer advice.
Sincerely, Gavin

[basilandthyme]

Hi Gavin, I'm sorry you've been through this.

Problem is, this girl is broken - probably due to the trauma she suffered as a child. And because she's broken, she will make unwise choices. Unwise choices such as bad partners. You see, we can't expect for normal behaviour from someone who's still suffering trauma.

I agree that she probably did use you. But I'm not sure she did it consciously....instead, I think you were a soft place to fall and she enjoyed having you around. But when it comes to choosing a boyfriend, her trauma background is making her do terrible choices.

So, where to from here? This girl needs therapy. If she's already doing therapy, then she needs more. But this is far beyond what you are able to do to help her. I'm not quite sure how much contact you have with her now, but I suggest No Contact - if you're not already doing it. You need to give yourself space to get over her. And she needs to accept that she's been stringing you along and that you need space.

good luck and stay strong. You sound like a really great guy - please don't sell yourself short.

[Valixy]

Girls tend to feel attracted to guys that are a little bit older than them, especially when they are teenagers. You are and look more mature than your age and sound like a great guy but maybe she felt when finishing high school two years before you did that she was suddenly more older than you. Many girls/guys start gravitating towards new people around that time and abandon old friendships. I think that she decided put you in the friend zone then and you did very well to stop contact with her since you were feeling for her much more than that. You have a lot to give and you'll find the right girl for you, just start looking around you.