Considered cheating?? Deserve another chance?

[SimplyCa]

First and foremost, I please ask you not to judge. I am totally aware snooping is unacceptable, however, when one feels that something is going on... there is sometimes no other option. And please bear with me, the conversation/timeline of events is lengthy. Below are the messages/conversations I found on my bf's phone and FB between him and an old HS crush/acquaintance, and the events of what had happened. I know it had happened sometime ago, however, til this day... I wonder what his true intention were with this other woman. I would love a few perspective. Am I totally overreacting?? Was it completely platonic? Or would you feel the same... betrayed and cheated on? Does he deserve another chance? How do I move forward?

Also, at first I took ;) as flirty, but he uses this a lot, to every female he knows.


March 29

He befriended her on FB


July 11

They met at Starbucks. Believe it was the only time they had met since they reconnected on FB and he said only for 30 mins to an hour. He asked if she would like to grab a bite since he was hungry, but she declined since she wasn't. They had paid for their own coffees and he said he wore old sweats, t-shirt and flip flops.

Him – text 10:54pm
I had a great evening.


July 12-23

There were text exchanges during this period. Similar to messages below. Typical getting to know each other texts, what's your hobbies and etc. Expect he did say he can't wait for the getting to you know part.


July 24

She – text 8:43am
I don’t have unlimited text and running out of minutes. Only calls after 9pm.

Him – FB
No prob… I’ll call you tonight ;)

There were a few attempted calls on his part, but they never actually spoke.


July 27

Him - FB 6:15am
Hey - No worries... I understand you're a busy girl ;) I'm headed to Germany tomorrow... So let's message thru FB for the time being...But would love to see you again when I return? See ya when I see ya!


July 28

Her – FB 9:33am
Hope Germany's cool. Yea, we can kit through facebook until you get back.
take care!


August 2

Him – FB 11:00am
Hey, it's really nice here. Having a great time... Hope all is well with u :)


August 2

Her – FB 6:34pm
How's Germany? What are you doing there? Where are you staying?


August 3

Him – FB 3:18am
Great, mostly been working on the base! But, today I’m heading to Hamburg for the weekend. It's Germany’s version of Vegas. I’m staying on the base and working for the unit as a paralegal.. It’s cool.

How are you doing? Anything new?


August 3

Her – FB 8:58am
So, how does this work? What about your job with HUD? Why are you working there as a paralegal when you were auditing in DC?
I'm an auntie! My brother had his first, a daughter, Ellie. She is so pretty and amazing. Other than that, I'm still taking care of business out here for Obama in California.

Him – FB 12:44pm
I work full-time for HUD and I'm in paralegal for the national guard and sometimes we work overseas. How awesome is that :) very happy for you, I'm sure you'll make an amazing auntie :)


August 4

Her – FB 9:30am
aww, thanks.


August 8

Him – FB 3:46am
What's up good looking? How's being a anunt treating you?


August 9

Her – FB 2:45pm
auntie- lovin it. i try to be in the moment whenever i see her.
work - pain in the ass. talk about stressed-out.
My back's against the wall. Hope this isn't the case for you.
what's new.


August 11

Him – FB 12:18am
Nice and i hear you! It's just three more months and then you can take it easy and spend more time being a anuntie It will be when i get back home, but for now i'm chilling... going to prague for the weekend Talk to you soon!


August 16

Her – FB 6:16am
How was Prague? I think it's so fabulous you're bouncing about in Europe. When are you coming back to LA --

Him – FB 10:57am
It was amazing! Saturday!


August 17

Her – FB 10:06am
See you! We'll talk when you're back.


August 19

Him – FB 11:42am
:)


August 21

Him – FB 6:39pm
Hey u :)Are you busy tonight? Have time to chill maybe grab a soda, since you dont drink? LOL! I know it's last min, so no worries if you can't :)


August 22

Her – FB 8:02am
oh dude, sorry. just saw this. this week and weekend I am swamped with work. can we check back in next week? Thx, and glad you're back.


August 23

Him – FB 7:41am
next week then... Thank you!

I asked about her. He said she friended him on FB (which I later found to be a lie) and said they met for coffee once. I subtly hinted that they're relationship makes me uncomfortable, but not sure he understood since he continued to communicate with her.


September 6

Him – FB 6:55pm
When am I going to see you again?

Him – text 7:01p
Is it safe to text now?

Her – text 8:31p
:)

Him – text 8:34p
Is that a yes?

He missed a call her from.


September 7-23

There was a couple of attempted calls on his part and missed call from her. Only talked on the phone once during this period.


September 27

Him – text 7:49p
Free tonight? Small dinner?

Her – text 8:07p
Can’t working til 10p

Him – text 8:17p
After? If not no worries ;) I know you’re working for the right cause ;)


October 2

Her – text 11:16a
Hey sorry. Didn’t get back 2 u. Work! Sorry.

Him – text 11:17a
No, worries. ;) hope your day is going well ;)


November 6

Since their first meet to Election Day, I know he was trying to get himself invited to the election party that she had to work at. He wanted to attend for networking purposes and had even asked if I'd go, multiple times. Also wanted to try and get his coworker an invite too.

Him – text 8:46p
Congrats! Your hard work paid off;) I’m pouring me a scotch and cheering to you ;)

Her – text 9p
Awww you’re too sweet. Now we can hang out!

Him – text 9:19p
Yay ;) exciting!


November 14

Spoke on the phone.


November 19

Him – text 1:54p
U free tonight?

Her – text 6:23p
Sorry not tonight


November 22

I confronted him about the messages I found. He confessed he grabbed coffee with her once, texted once in awhile and chatted a couple of times on the phone, but never talked about anything intimate or personal. He said she means nothing, made a mistake in keeping it a secret, flirting and should of talked to me about his concerns. Continued to explain he thought I was unhappy and that I was going to break up with him. This being his first real relationship, he didn't know how to communicate with me, so to escape reconnected with someone from HS that knew nothing about him. He promised to never do anything like this again, to never communicate with her and wants to prove to me he only wants to be with me. He didn't see this as cheating, since it was never physical. But now understand why I think it is. We sort of broke up and he cried for the very first time I've seen. But in the end decided to try and work it out.


November 26

Her – FB 9:32am
I wanted to say I'm sorry I'm hard to meet up with. I'm still working a lot and will probably be doing this through the end of January. I wanted to say this, though: I had a good time the last time we hung out, and am sincere when I say I would like to hang out again. You're easy to get along with and nice company.
But because of my work schedule, it's just not easy for me to make plans. So if you could understand, I'll reach out to you when the time is better and if you're available then, we could connect.
Thanks and happy holidays.

He said he skimmed this message, deleted her from his FB and phone and haven't communicated with her since.

[lalalita]

He was interested in her. She was not interested in him, and this pissed him off and he deleted her.

[SimplyCa]

He was interested in her. She was not interested in him, and this pissed him off and he deleted her.

Wouldn't say that was accurate. I pretty much implied he needed to delete her.

[vashti]

Wouldn't say that was accurate. I pretty much implied he needed to delete her.

Regardless; he was interested, and she seemed less-so. I don't know if you consider it "cheating". It depends on what you consider "attempts" to be.

[Starnique]

Wouldn't say that was accurate. I pretty much implied he needed to delete her.

Sooo, does that really make you feel better? The fact that he deleted her, Is that a selling point to you?

Seriously. He was the one pushing up on her and he probably still would be. I would be questioning my relationship with him.

[michelle23]

he defo had a thing for her and was flitting subtley hoping something would happen between them. you cant trust him babe. this would be a dealbreaker for me and id dump his ass and never look back.

he didnt cheat coz she wasnt interested. he would have though or else dumped you for her and i do consider their little chats as emotional cheating

you can do better than this. go no contact and youll be over him in 6months tops. then you can focus on meeting someone more loyal.

btw his escuse that he thought u were gonna dump him is bull. theres no excuse for any sort of cheating so dont let him manipulate you and ignore those croc tears. he made his made so tell him to lie in it. maybe losing you will ensure he learns how to communicate better with his next gf and hel avoid f**king up like this again.

forgive him though and hell walk all over you. asshole

[Wakeup]

He did this because he "thought you were going to break up with him?" What? He can't spend two minutes alone and has to have another one lined up incase you ditch him? If he's not a cheater he is definately insecure. Is there anything in there that he told her that he's in an exclusive relationship with you? If not, he was being disingenuous to her while being disrespectful to you.

Your call if you think he's learned a lesson and won't attempt to be an asshole to two women at once again... you know him better then we do.

[stev123]

Lol, tried to cheat than failed. I would tell him to get lost.

[smackie9]

Ya for sure he was making steps to creat something and I'm sure if she was interested the outcome would definitly be different.

She knew where this was leading.....seeing ; ) in his messages was slowly confirming he was trying to get something started. She was cancelling on him for a reason. She wanted nothing to do with him romantically.

[SimplyCa]

Regardless; he was interested, and she seemed less-so. I don't know if you consider it "cheating". It depends on what you consider "attempts" to be.

I think I would consider it borderline cheating, but then again, it really depends on his original intent and interest. What I meant by attempts was him calling her and she missed it.

[SimplyCa]

Ya for sure he was making steps to creat something and I'm sure if she was interested the outcome would definitly be different.

She knew where this was leading.....seeing ; ) in his messages was slowly confirming he was trying to get something started. She was cancelling on him for a reason. She wanted nothing to do with him romantically.

Like I had mention in my original post, he sends everyone even some of his guy friends or his friend's wife. First I thought it was flirting too, but then noticed the pattern. Do believe she was canceling because she was business. If she wanted nothing to with him, don't think she would of tried calling him or replying to his text. Cause that's what I do when I'm completely not interested and know the guy is interested in me.

[vashti]

Do believe she was canceling because she was business. If she wanted nothing to with him, don't think she would of tried calling him or replying to his text.

What's your point? That she may have been interested, too? Okay, let's say she was ALSO interested. Do you feel better about his behavior now?

[michelle23]

OP you should listen to yojr gut instinct. how do you feel about this and what is your intuition telling you. it really is your best friend in situations like this.

[smackie9]

Like I had mention in my original post, he sends everyone even some of his guy friends or his friend's wife. First I thought it was flirting too, but then noticed the pattern. Do believe she was canceling because she was business. If she wanted nothing to with him, don't think she would of tried calling him or replying to his text. Cause that's what I do when I'm completely not interested and know the guy is interested in me.

You believe what you want to believe then. Best of luck.

[michelle23]

i would consider addressing her as "good looking". all his ; ) and their private phone conversations and there plans to meet (him trying to arrange a date) as cheating. it would have been different IF she was more interested-he would have cheated by now

but if your gonna keep making excuses for him and his emotional affair with another woman-all i can say is good luck. your prob gonna need it.

i also wonder what hes up to when he travels away from you. the dude sounds shady. in the german version of vegas if i remember correctly? that dont sound good