Caught him on craiglist . Need advice.

[mysteriouseyes]

Hi Everyone

The situation is kind of tricky now. We are in a live in relationship. I acted being a bad girlfriend and I checked his email. I know I am very bad on my part but he was on craiglist. Talking to people guys and girls both.
We had a really big fight one week back. It was a bad fight because we decided to part our ways and he was drunk. That was the day when he made a fake email id and craiglist account. After a full day when I went home after work I found him sleeping. He woke up and started felt sorry to me about fight and so does I (as it was mistake from both side). Later in night we were suppose to go somewhere and in hurry I used his laptop and tried to login to my gmail account. To his bad luck, his fake account was open and I saw all his replies to different ads in craiglist. At that time I left it like that and did not said anything to him thinking that he was pissed off and in drunken state. Next day I came to office, he was sorry about his behavior for that fight and tried to become nice to me. That day around 4 (my office finishes at 4:30) he messaged me that he will be waiting for me at home. Come home soon. Things became normal.it was Friday. Over weekend just for curiosity I opened his fake account as he keeps same password. I found him sending a message to girl on Friday asking her pics or if she wants NSA relationship. Even then I didn’t ask anything from him. Over weekend there was no activity. Yesterday i.e. Monday he got up around 11 checked his emails. I was in office. I opened his fake account. That girl asked for his picture and he sent it to her at 12:40 PM. I called him and asked is this what you do. He said what I was doing there. I did not said anything. Was in a shock state. Even he did not called me for whole day. Around 3 I gopt call from him which I did not pick and then a message that he knew he did something very wrong which he should not have done at first hand. He knew he hurt my feelings and trust in him and if I want this relationship to be over, he will not raise a single question and accept my decision. At same time he said he know I do not trust him anymore, but I also broke his belief that I am watching him (keeping an eye on him). I did not replied yto his message neither I reacted.

In evening when I went home. I met him. He was standing there. I looked at him did not said anything. He came to me and stood there. I looked at him and he was ashamed. I asked him if he have any explanations. He said he was just having fun chats and was never going to do anything with anyone. (same thing he said in message as well). He promised me that he will never do it again and will never give me a chance to explain. I just told him that do you know how much I am hurt due to this and I lost trust in you. He said yes but at same time I lost his trust as well as I looked into his emails. He said me sorry (normally he is not a person who says sorry…). He was sorry about his deed and we talked very calmly about it. I asked him if he thinks something is missing between our relationship or he is not happy with me. He said we have wonderful life together and I find you perfect girl for me. Then I asked why you did this. He said just for curiosity and fun. He was never going to meet those girls.

He said see I deleted that account. I said I do not want to see. But he showed me that fake account was deleted. I told him that I am hurt and m in state of shock (it is true). He said sorry to me several times yesterday, was coming to me to soothe me. I just did not botherd it as in my mind other things were running. He said he will not do anything stupid like this. What to do? I do not know if I am going to give him another chance or going to leave him…I love him and he loves me. We have great love life together. Till last fight everything was so beautiful. We had this bad fight and did stupid things. But this thing just shattered my trust in him.

I asked will he be ever to create the same trust that I had in him. He said he will. He will do anything to build my trust in him but I have to tell him how he will do it. I told him that is his job to know hw to build my trust in him again. Please tell me what should I do? I do not want to be upset anymore it affects my work. Neither I want to be stupid or foolish. I need really mature advice or suggestions from you guys.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

You obtained evidence against him unlawfully (by doing a wrong in your part), and didn't follow due process. As such that evidence is inadmissible.

You have no other evidence of him in any wrong doing, you should dismiss any accusation you have against him now.

[michelle23]

ok first of all stop feeling guilty for checking his emails. what you did is nothing compared to what he is done and you have every right to check up on him if you suspect hes up to no good and you were 100% right coz look what you found..

if i wereyou i would leave him. he wasnt just looking for a laugh. he was flirting, sexting, sending pictures to women And asked a girl to meet him for sex. if you didnt find out about this, then he would have cheated. he could be cheating all the time, he could have 5 other emails you dont know about. thats what happens once the trust is broken. how can you believe a word that comes outa his mouth now.

hes lying through his teeth. he was without a doubt planning to cheat on you and if you give him another chance, this will happen again. you can do better

[mysteriouseyes]

now in messages he did not ask any girl to come for sex..but he was replying to posts saying if they are interested..no where he mention sex

[Wakeup]

You're going to stay with him so why are you looking for answers to the contrary? If you were going to leave him, you would have done so already.

Anyway, I suggest if you stay that you learn how to forgive and forget. No sense staying and arguing and grilling him about what he's doing and where he's going when he's not within eyesight of you. That's no way to live.

[mysteriouseyes]

i am not going to stay with him. This is my first ever relationship. I do not know what exactly i should be doing after what all has happened.

You're going to stay with him so why are you looking for answers to the contrary? If you were going to leave him, you would have done so already.

Anyway, I suggest if you stay that you learn how to forgive and forget. No sense staying and arguing and grilling him about what he's doing and where he's going when he's not within eyesight of you. That's no way to live.

[michelle23]

you said he asked for nsa relationship? thats sex that he asked her for-no strings attached sex

you should leave him. dont waste time on alying cheating prick

[Wakeup]

i am not going to stay with him. This is my first ever relationship. I do not know what exactly i should be doing after what all has happened.

Well, you're not married to him so it should be quite easy to just tell him you're sorry, you can't trust him anymore and the relationship is over... How long have you lived together? In Canada (depending on your Province for how long) you are considered to be married common law and you have the same rights as a married couple to property splitting etc. Here in Ontario its three years. In BC it's two years together.

How long have you been living in the same home and sleeping in the same bed?

BTW: I just re-read your opening post and you had been broken up when he made those accounts so technically you were not together.. sad that he couldn't wait five minutes to try and get it on with someone new though.

[Eng.Jackadmans]

Well, you're not married to him so it should be quite easy to just tell him you're sorry, you can't trust him anymore and the relationship is over... How long have you lived together? In Canada (depending on your Province for how long) you are considered to be married common law and you have the same rights as a married couple to property splitting etc. Here in Ontario its three years. In BC it's two years together.

How long have you been living in the same home and sleeping in the same bed?

BTW: I just re-read your opening post and you had been broken up when he made those accounts so technically you were not together.. sad that he couldn't wait five minutes to try and get it on with someone new though.

Technically they were never 'together'

Unless he is married, doesn't matter if he has been sleeping with her for the past 20 years. He will go to court and deny her very existence and say his never known or met any such women by that name. She will have no proof beyond that, the case will be dismissed in less than 20 minutes.

If they are living together, she needs have utility bill in her name. If she doesn't have any proof that she had residency with him, even if they were living together for 20 years. He can still deny knowing her very existence.

If she admits to living with him. He will take advantages of that, and press charges for trespassing.

[michelle23]

oh for gawds sake dude shut up. nobody cares

op kick him out, get a flatmat and get on with your life. youll meet someone else. it doesnt matter if this is your first relationship or your tenth. you know the difference between right and wrong, you know he crossed a line. its black and white. also your not married, no kids, no real responsibilities which makes it very easy to walk away with no drama so just get on with it

[Wakeup]

We haven't established that she doesn't have a utility bill in her name, or did I miss that? I'm wondering what address is on her income tax returns? Her bank accounts? Your comment on trespassing is lol worthy. The court system is backed up with more worthy things to be trying then one lover looking in anothers email account.

She has no rights to just "kick him out" nor does he have that right to do that to her, particularily if where they live is in both their names. It's not so easy to walk away if they've bought property together or both their names are on a lease.

To Add: Don't let the blather scare you, MysteriousEyes. Call a lawyer (who will give you an hour of his/her time without cost in most cases) and find out what your's and his rights are).

[michelle23]

i doubt hes gonna take her to court. hes the one that messed up so he should leave. they dont own the house and he can take whatever belongs to him with him.

i know its different in europr to america. people there seem to sue over the smallest things or get the courts/police involved over the smallest things. it doesnt work that way here. here he would just be thrown out and expected to go quietly and thats all he deserves

[Eng.Jackadmans]

lol if he got good lawyer, maybe break and enter, and if he gets her to admit that she ate his food. you can add burglary as well lol

[Wakeup]

Well I do agree with you in part. The "lol"

[michelle23]

gawd im glad i live in europe lol

OP all the nitty gritty details dont matter right now. are you split up or still together? make that decision now and worry bout the rest later