Advice to anyone caught in the "Friend Zone"

[JohnsonROd]

Just want to clear something up for everyone... there is no such thing as the "friend zone" This is a lengthy post... but hopefully those in the "friend zone" will learn something.

The "friend zone" is a copout. Yes... it's a polite way of saying “I'm not attracted to, or interested in you.”

Fact is... men and women can seldom be true friends... because 99% of the time, one has a crush on the other. When you have a crush on a friend... they're not REALLY a friend are they? You have a hidden agenda... and it's not FRIENDSHIP.

Think to when you liked a girl/boy... and became friends with them. You were the best possible friend around right? You'd always jump at their beckon call... were much more thoughtful towards this friend than your other friends, you would break plans with other friends to go out with the crush... you basically lived for this person right? And you know what? The crush most of the time KNOWS that you like him/her. But will keep you around because they also like the attention, and they like what they're getting out of this false friendship.

They may even like you as a person TOO... but if you make a move, you'll get rejected...

For example..

I once had this girl in university... who had a huuuge crush on me. I was in a few of her classes... and I also knew that she was a terrific student. I used her to help me pass the classes, I hung out with her once in a while out of school... but I kept talking about other girls (that was me hinting to her that we would never be together... but why reject her flat out and lose my study buddy?), but she kept up her hopes that I would somehow see the light and date her (which is what I wanted her to think). She helped me through all my classes... and I got pretty decent grades because of her. Eventually when I started dating this other girl... she stopped contacting me.

Pretty mean eh? Well that’s what your crush is doing to you, I guarantee it.

And on the receiving side, consider this….

I was in love with this girl at the start of University… hung out with her all the time… even talked to her about her boy problems, I’d go to the mall with her… I'd make her laugh all the time, go to the gym with her… and did pretty much anything she wanted. (She loved having me around because I was good company, and I was very VERY giving)
Eventually I poured my heart out to her… and I was rejected “friend zone line”.

So I told her I didn’t want to be friends… She starting crying and saying she was losing her best friend… Then I told her that I was never her friend; I’ve always wanted to be with her. And would rather be nothing to her and move on with my life if I couldn’t be her man.

Didn’t see her for 8 months… I threw a house party… and she showed up on a mission to get with me. And we dated for 2 years after that.

So my advice to anyone who is in the friend zone with their crush? Get Out of IT.

[TheSphinx]

I think you'll find varying opinions on whether boys and girls can truly be friends. Frequently, that which you have stated seems to be the common case. I have seen many girls get frustrated when the following occurs...

… hung out with her all the time… even talked to her about her boy problems, I’d go to the mall with her… I'd make her laugh all the time, go to the gym with her… and did pretty much anything she wanted. (She loved having me around because I was good company, and I was very VERY giving)

...unless, of course, she's sporting black leather, a whip, and straining to hear you plead, "Please ma'am, may I have another?" through your ball gag.

[Junket]

Hey welcome to the land of old news.

[Gigabitch]

...unless, of course, she's sporting black leather, a whip, and straining to hear you plead, "Please ma'am, may I have another?" through your ball gag.

This is old news, Fras? Maybe for you! I'm starting to look at your NOLA trip differently...

Anyway, I agree with JR. The friend zone pretty much sucks for somebody and if you want out, you have to be firm. I don't think it's impossible for there to be friendship across gender lines, especially as you get older and mature a bit, but I do believe that there's never quite the balance you have with same-sex friendships.

Oh, and here's a little message from the Voice of Experience: Male / female "friends" should not drink tequila together. Period.

[Junket]

Nah, I was referring to the original post as old news.

I didn't even read that dude's reply.