First love blues

[Onthemend]

Hi,
Five days ago, I've been dumped by my, now ex, girlfriend of six months. Over past 2 weeks, while I've been increasingly warm and loving towards her, she grew more distant and cold for me, as if to counteract me. Now that I think of it, there have been a lot of signals of the break up looming on the horizon. The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end, I suppose.
I have no hopes of intentions of winning her back. What I want is to find joy in life and spend days without any stinging thought about her. I'm going through mood swings. Fortunately I feel happiness too. Whenever I find myself being angry or resenting my ex, I immediately try to cull the negative feelings. I seek refuge in music and meeting my friends but I intend to do more. I'm thinking about getting a proficiency certificate in English, maybe starting to learn a new language. I've also been thinking about learning to sing, as I've always wanted to. This however might be doomed to failure, since I probably lack the talent needed.
Basically, what I'm trying to do is to collect all the parts of my shattered self and rebuilding myself. I want to pick myself up and come out of this as a stronger, better person, deserving love of that one wonderful girl that I believe is somewhere out there, waiting for me. I've made peace with the fact that it probably isn't the last breakup I will have. I will go through this pain, but I'm keeping my eyes on the ultimate destination, which is being with the girl that's right for me.
I've decided to write about myself, cause my mood swinged the wrong way today and I'm feeling very lonely and vulnerable.
I'll greatly appreciate any words of advice.
Thank you.

[michelle23]

well done. your probably the most positive dumpee i have ever seen and all your plans to heal are very constructive. youll be fine. she wasnt your "first love" you were just infatuated by her. real love is much deeper and takes ages to grow. youll meet someone else. best of luck

[Ann S]

First of all, your English is FABULOUS! Better than many who were born with English as a first language! Next - I hope you go take those singing lessons - who cares if you have talent; it will be fun. For 18 years of age, you sound so wise and mature about how you are approaching the ending of a love. Do you play any sports? Do you exercise? Those are two things that have gotten me past many a sad time in my life. If you focus on making yourself a whole person, then someone very special will come your way....it sounds like you are doing that. The waiting is difficult. Take care. Ann

[Onthemend]

Thank you for the kind words. I feel better both about myself and about the future now. I try to think positively, though this breakup did have an impact on my self-esteem, mostly due to fact that no reason was given and my thoughts wander off to possible reasons. And I really do hope that I'll find real love.
I did play tennis a long while ago, but for some reason i dropped it. Now that I think of it, I'd like to start playing it again.

[Ariel]

Your attitude is fantastic! You have a very optimistic outlook, and seem very smart about the entire situation. It's great that you have accepted the demise of the relationship and are focusing on yourself - don't let anything hold you back from achieving what you want - just go for it, and have fun whilst you do!

One thing though, I know you are dismissing feelings of anger and resentment as soon as they arise but please know that these feelings are perfectly normal - the best way to get them out of your system is to feel them fully - ignoring or masking them means that you are burying them further inside only for them to emerge again. It's healthier to accept them.

[Onthemend]

Thanks for your support. It really means a lot to me and helps me pull through this. It is really a peculiar thing though. I'm having one of the hard moments now. I have nothing to do besides exercising in my house that helps me, I grow tired of it and when I'm not doing it, my thoughts wander off and I end up harming myself. To make it worse, it's rainy whole day and I can't really go out anywhere. I know it's perfectly normal and I try to experience this as thoroughly as I can. I'm still trying to fix my eyes on the future, I guess it's just a melancholy day today for me. What I thought was okay with me and keeps bugging me is that a friend of mine, not a close one, but still, won't respond to me when I try to chat with him. He became friends with my ex during the relationship and though I doubt that she left me for him (mostly because he dumped his previous girlfriend for a girl from school), it still is unsettling for me. I know I shouldn't care about those things and I try my best to convince myself i should just let go and live my life.
Fortunately, writing here makes me feel better for which I thank you.

[battlescared]

That's pretty good, you need to teach me cuz I'm taking mine tough, but then again I'm 31 and at this point in my life when I let my heart open, its gets opened big, because I'm kinda done with the flings and stuff.

Unfortunately, I have to see her soon.. blah.

[4 ratties]

It'll be all good love yourself