Why is my boyfriend dragging out the innevitable break up?

[AbigailR]

I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be with me anymore and I don't think we have a healthy relationship. I know I have my flaws, but it's like he's waiting for me to do something wrong so he can pick petty fights. You would not believe the fight that resulted from us trying to pick a movie tonight. It's a d**n movie. How hard is it to just pick one? It's getting out of control and I don't understand why he's dragging it out. Every time I bring it up or suggest breaking up he gets mad, ignores me, and acts like nothing happened. I've asked the girls at my work for advice and none of it was helpful so I'm hoping I'll get some better advice here. So does anyone know why he's acting like this and how I should go about breaking things off with him?

[basilandthyme]

He's acting like this because the two of you have degraded to the stage where you find each other annoying.

You break it off by telling him that you want to break it off. Whether you are honest about the reasons or tell him "it's not you, it's me" is entirely up to you.

[michelle23]

If your fighting like this over silly things then your not right for each other. Why are you waiting for him to end it? Why don't you just do it and get it over with?

[AbigailR]

Well he's kind of intimidating so when I bring it up and he gets mad I usually just drop it. I tried to do it over the phone, but he showed up at my house. I don't know how to do it without him scaring me into changing my mind.

[Wakeup]

You tell him it's over and then you cut all contact with him. If he shows up at your house then you call the police on him and have him charged with harassment.

What do you plan on doing? Being to afraid to leave him until you have his baby and are tied to him for the rest of your bloody life? Don't abuse yourself that way, he's doing that enough for the two of you already.

You two are like oil and water and it'd be a real shame if you bought a little one into the mix or were silly enough to actually move in with this guy or god forbid keep up the dysfunction by feeding into the arguing.

Life is too short to let someone intimidate you into being with them. You just have to be strong and convicted enough that his "words" won't affect your very good decision to get away from him.

[Wakeup]

I'll add that you should start distancing yourself and not be available everytime he wants to see you. Perhaps if he is weaned off of you, he won't try to force his way back into your life when you end it. End it when you're not fighting so that he's not already angry and worked up on getting some sort of upper hand on you through intimidation.

Once you're clear of him, it would be a good idea if you took a course on how to affectively communicate your own wants and needs so that you don't end up with another guy, just like the other guy. Communication and being able to do it effectively is what keeps unions together for the long haul because everyone is happy and everything gets resolved or compromised upon.

[michelle23]

you need to be firm and stand your ground. if your afraid of his reaction-dump him in a safe place like a coffee shop or a packed pub. find a quiet corner. or just bring someone with you. you cant let fear hold you back. its your life-live it in a way that makes you happy.

[AbigailR]

Well, I did it. Thanks for all of the advice. It really did help. It didn't go well, but at least it's done and I don't have to see him anymore.