Why do you play games?

[Simpo]

I know not all girls play games but I have come across a couple of girls and know a few that like to play mind games with guys and I don't understand why.
It's hard enough to find someone that you do like and have feelings for so why make it hard and play with them and leave them guessing whether you like them or not?

In a perfect world, to me, you should be able to meet a girl get to know each other and then if they like you, they tell you and not play with you and play mind games. I feel that it takes a lot of time to meet someone and get to know them so why waste that time toying with them and misleading them if your not interested in them that way.

Please be aware I know that not all girls do this and I just want to get a better understanding of it.

[michelle23]

Some just don't know what they want and literally change their mind like the weather. Some want you to "fight" for her or "prove" your love. Some watch too many Hollywood films and think its "normal" to play hard to get. Some don't want you but don't want anyone else to either. Some push you away to see will you come back (again fighting for her) some love drama and if there is none-she will create some.

There could be a million different reasons.

The important thing is that you should stay away from these b**ches.. Find someone more mature who knows what she wants, whose not afraid to just be honest and admit she likes you and who isnt so insecure that she needs you to prove anything to her. Just being there for her should be enough

[Simpo]

Once again, thank you for the advice I think a mature girl is better for me but at the same time, I like a girl with a childish side/silly side, someone who likes to have fun and doesn't care too much what others think. Finding that mix is hard though.

I don't mind showing a girl how much I want her or showing her that I do truly care about her but I don't want her controlling me or testing me like my ex did from time to time. I feel that if your going out with someone, you trust them and care about them and shouldn't have to test their love or play games, if you show them that you love them on a daily basis.

A girl that knows what she wants, mature, is honest, truthful and can openly say if she likes you or not are the best qualities to have.

[michelle23]

youll find someone who matches that criteria. how old are you?

[Simpo]

Im only 19 so have plenty time to meet someone. Thing is I have been single all through school and college and started my very first relationship at the end of last year and now experienced my very first break up so that's one of the reasons I joined up since I'm not that experienced with any of this and am really loving the support and help other forum members have given me, special thanks to you though.

The worst thing is, since it was my first relationship / first real love and it failed after only 6 months I feel I did something wrong but my ex told me that I was the best bf she could of asked for and the break up didn't have anything to do with me, it was her fault since her feelings had changed. If I was the best bf she had ever had would she not keep the relationship together and learn to love me again? Even though she said this, I still feel as if I did done something wrong, that I somehow caused her feelings to change.

She was quite messed up in the sense that she has been through a lot: 2 liver transplants, depression, unexplainable stomach pains, anorexia, a cheating ex she helped recover from brain tumor, other cheating ex's and her Mum and Dad are contemplating separating after he lied about his drinking problem. I helped her deal with her stomach pains and looked after her when she was at hospital and just generally looked after her like any caring bf would so pretty annoyed at the fact she decided to end the relationship.

[michelle23]

At 19, girls your age are complicated. Look for one who comes across as mature for her age and one who doesn't have a lot of baggage or emotional problems-one who hasn't got many reasons not to trust men. Run a mile from girls like your ex who are likely emotionally unavailable coz she has too much going on in her life.

I think you also need to learn the difference between infatuation and love. the first 6 months are the honeymoon period where you look at each other through rose-tinted glasses and ignore a lot of red flags, warning signs and generally just think the sun shines outa each others ass.

It takes time for this to wear off, for you to take off those glasses and look closely at the real person. The good, the bad and the ugly. It could take 2 or 3 years or more to figure out if you are truly compatible or not coz it takes time to really get to know the REAL person. They are on their best behavior in the honeymoon phase but things normally change once that wears off.

She wasn't your first love. You will realize that when you have been with someone for 6 years instead of 6 months.

Its important that you keep moving forward, learn from all your experiences, what you want/don't want in a woman, what to avoid, mistakes you made etc. And you gotta set your standards high so you don't ever settle for second best. It wasn't your fault you split up. The only time it could be considered your fault is if you treated her badly or were an alcoholic or lazy and dependent on her etc.

People break up all the time. Many people never get past the infatuation stage. Many end within the first year. All that means is she wasnt the right one for you-not that there is something wrong with you.

[Simpo]

I think I have learnt a lot from being with my ex tbh. I have a much better idea of what sort of person I would like to be with. Don't get me wrong she's not a bad person but I know that she's not the right girl for me. I don't want to go through lots of relationships but I know thats something that might have to happen until I find the right one.

I know I am only 19 but I feel ready to just be in a serious long term relationship. I'm not the sort of person who likes one nighters or the single life tbh. People say that you act a bit crazy when your young but I don't drink, not a big fan of clubbing and a bit of a nerd so I live a bit of a boring life which is kind of the reason I would like someone in my life to go out and try and experience new things with and go on holidays with. The only crazy thing I do just now is spend stupid amounts of money on my car and the occasional late night racing in my car.

[fearoflove]

I play games to test his love and/or to increase his emotional attachment to me. When women are too easy-going for the guy, she is less valued.

[Simpo]

Im just not a fan of being played with or tested if all I have done is be a good boyfriend and treat them right. I understand that sometimes you need some assurance from your other half that they still love you and all that but all you have to do is ask not toy with us. A good way is just to ask them how much they love you and they will start to list all these nice positive things for you that will make you feel loved and valued.

[michelle23]

that is not true ^^. Most men hate stress and drama. Keep playing games and he will get sick of you.

Ive noticed with my cousin who plays games like that-she is the one being hurt in the end. Men lose respect for her and start treating her badly even though she started all the BS.. Honestly I dont blame them for messing her around-she is the problem. Not them.

[michelle23]

Simpo there is nothing wrong with that. My bf is the same and so are his friends. Big into cars, fishing, darts, sport. Have no real interest in drinking or going clubbing and I don't consider them boring.

Plus when we do go out we have a LOT of fun coz its not a weekly thing so it doesn't get boring.

There's nothing wrong with being the relationship type either. I think that's completely normal actually. The ones who have a fear of commitment are the ones with the bloody issues lol.

[fearoflove]

Im just not a fan of being played with or tested if all I have done is be a good boyfriend and treat them right. I understand that sometimes you need some assurance from your other half that they still love you and all that but all you have to do is ask not toy with us. A good way is just to ask them how much they love you and they will start to list all these nice positive things for you that will make you feel loved and valued.

Oh ya. If he has already done alot to show he really likes me, I wouldn't play those games. It is only for when I am not sure about his feelings towards me.

[Simpo]

That's really good to hear. Think the next thing on my agenda now is to try and meet a new girl, kind of excited to meet someone new. I feel ready to move on but my emotions and thoughts change every few hours just now but think I'm going out this weekend so if I meet someone I like I'll just see how things go but if not then a simple case of waiting a bit longer.

Thanks for all the advice

[Simpo]

Oh ya. If he has already done alot to show he really likes me, I wouldn't play those games. It is only for when I am not sure about his feelings towards me.

I get where your coming from but seriously, just ask! People always go about dumb ways of finding things out instead of being direct and simply asking the person how they feel.

[michelle23]

If your not sure about his feelings FOL-then either just ask him straight or dump him. Seriously? what is the point in playing games. They just confuse everyone involved and doesn't resolve anything. Plus if you cant tell after a few dates whether he is genuine or not-then hes probably not so walk away.

Simpo good plan for the weekend. If your emotions are up and down right now though. It may be better to give yourself more time before hopping into a new relationship. Maybe just go on a few casual dates but if your not feeling it-call it off fast. The last thing you want to do is hurt a nice girl by rebounding which could happen unintentionally if you are not ready.