This is what dating really is, isn't it?

[michelle23]

maybe you come across as too negative if people drop you like a hot potato. You should just focus on work and study for awhile and try to make friends when you have time. If you dont have much time on your hands right now-that is a turn off to girls. We like a man who can give us a lot of attention

[4 ratties]

I have a 33 year old male friend that has never had a gf and he's always desperately wanted one. I've never been able to help him or figure out why girls aren't interested in him. I think it's just bad luck. Not every single person in the world finds a great partner early in life. So many people are in relationships and act like its so perfect but many have issues that they are blind to. Finding ur soul mate really is the luck of the draw that two compatable people are in the same place at the same time and meet. U can up your chances of finding someone by talking to more people. I'm sorry you've become so angry over this. I don't know what else I could say other than its luck to find someone and some are just unlucky, but I'm sure your luck will change, especially if u get out more, for you, not just to meet people, never try too hard.

[Stillits]

I have some of the same issues, although I'm a woman.
Mainly the not "connecting" with people. I never feel like I meet people who I "level" with (I find it hard to explain) - and if I finally meet someone I like spending time with and can have interesting conversations with, they suddenly stop inviting me and initiating contact, and although they will respond to my contact attempts I feel like a friendship should be a two-way street. I can't be the one doing all the work all the time. So it just kind of fades, meaning I don't really have friends or much of a social life either.
I can be quite critical of the world and my surroundings, but the people who I had great conversations with had the same critical and questioning look on the world, so I don't necessarily think I'm more negative than them.
As sad as it is, I'm kind of just adjusting to being myself as I refuse to settle (though sometimes that seems better than always being alone)

[Indestructible]

Well there you go. If you don't have time for volunteer work, then you don't have time to date.

Think about dating when you've actually got the spare time available.

Eh, well. In a way, I was trying to beat around the bush, because there's really no "nice" way to put this, but... Most volunteer work seems to center on working with children, the elderly, sickly, or the homeless, and trying not to sound insensitive, I have no interest in working with any of these groups. I just don't think I could go into it with the right attitude. I'm sure I could work out some extra time, but I just don't know that volunteer work is for me.

maybe you come across as too negative if people drop you like a hot potato.

I guess, but I don't really try to pursue people for friendship or anything else unless I'm feeling positive and upbeat, so I don't know that that would be an issue, yanno?

If you dont have much time on your hands right now-that is a turn off to girls. We like a man who can give us a lot of attention

Really, though? I've always heard girls HATE a guy that's in any way "clingy" and/ or "too available". Personally, I think a tighter schedule would be good for me, because if I had too much free time, I think I would very likely be very "clingy" towards a girl that I'd be dating, and that obviously wouldn't be a good thing.

[michelle23]

Theres no such thing as "clingy". People only say that about people who they are not that into in my experience. I found an ex very clingy but thats coz I didnt really like him. If I did I wouldn't have considered him clingy at all coz he was actually fairly normal. I was the problem-not him

[Indestructible]

Perhaps it's a cultural thing. I dunno. I've encountered a lot of girls that expressed heavy disinterest in guys that are "clingy". I feel like the world around me has taught me that girls don't want a guy that's overly "available" to them. Like I said, I have a feeling that if I were dating a girl I really liked, if I wasn't on a tight schedule, I'd be the kind of guy that would get dumped for being "clingy".

Anyway, just to vent a little, I really hate the fact that, today, the last girl I was super into (and who I've been trying to keep my distance from as much as possible for a while now) had to go and do something that reminded me of why I fell for her in the first place. Ugh. It's hard enough to stop thinking about her as it is, then I have to get slapped in the face with one of the things that made me attracted to her so much to begin with. v_v

[VincenzoG91]

Think of dating as conducting job interviews. You don't want to hire the next random person that walks through the door, at least not for an important job. Ideally, you want to meet a lot of candidates and ask a lot of questions. And so it goes with dating. Date a lot of women when you're young. It will help you develop realistic standards and even more importantly, help you figure out the most important qualities that you seek. Somebody with zero dating experience might think that looks are more important than anything, but after dating for a while, might come to appreciate intangible factors like personality, honesty, and humor. Try not to get too attached to anybody right away, just keep an open mind and try to see women as real people.

[Indestructible]

I can't stress enough that I really don't care about looks or other less important qualities. I'm all about personality, but I just don't hit it off in that way with the vast majority of girls I meet. I, myself, have a very specific, perhaps somewhat unusual, personality type, and I'd like to find someone that's similar to me in that way, but it's apparently much less common than I would've hoped.

I'm drawn to a very particular attitude and sense of humor. One of the big things that made me fall for the last girl I liked (and this relates to my post last night about her reminding me why I fell for her) is the natural banter between us. She and I just screw with each other and give each other a ton of attitude, but we both know we're just playfully teasing the other. It sounds horrible, and to an outside observer, it may look like we hate each other and fight a lot, but it's really just us being stupid together, and for some dumb reason, that kind of thing makes me very attracted.

[michelle23]

I can't stress enough that I really don't care about looks or other less important qualities. I'm all about personality, but I just don't hit it off in that way with the vast majority of girls I meet. I, myself, have a very specific, perhaps somewhat unusual, personality type, and I'd like to find someone that's similar to me in that way, but it's apparently much less common than I would've hoped.

Have you tried online dating?

I'm drawn to a very particular attitude and sense of humor. One of the big things that made me fall for the last girl I liked (and this relates to my post last night about her reminding me why I fell for her) is the natural banter between us. She and I just screw with each other and give each other a ton of attitude, but we both know we're just playfully teasing the other. It sounds horrible, and to an outside observer, it may look like we hate each other and fight a lot, but it's really just us being stupid together, and for some dumb reason, that kind of thing makes me very attracted.

Doesn't sound horrible to me. Me and my bf tease and slag each other all the time, swear at each other etc but its all in a playful, fun way. Id call it flirting lol

Perhaps it's a cultural thing. I dunno. I've encountered a lot of girls that expressed heavy disinterest in guys that are "clingy". I feel like the world around me has taught me that girls don't want a guy that's overly "available" to them. Like I said, I have a feeling that if I were dating a girl I really liked, if I wasn't on a tight schedule, I'd be the kind of guy that would get dumped for being "clingy".

umm girls who want the unavailable "bad boy" are usually very insecure and only want him coz they cant have him.. Look for a healthy woman-emotionally, mentally etc. She will want you to be available.

[surfhb2]

If you're the type of person who doesn't feel that working with the less fortunate would bring you satisfaction of ANY KIND then you are probably coming off as a bitter personality. I mean, look at that logically.....don't like kids, elderly or the sick. What about animals? Do they make you feel indifferent too? Can you loan your extra to a rescue?

It's all about attitude and you sound as if you have a bad one compared to most. Not bagging on you but you've chosen this life and your attitude so you must deal with it or change.

Couple that with the fact you're only interested in a certain type of girl and no time. In other words, you're dating pool s really a small puddle in a parking lot.

It's your life and your decision but living a life without personal growth and change will get you no where in regards to relationships. I'm talking about personality and you're outlook on life.

Yeah you're right ! It does come off as unusual to an outside observer but IT IS!!

You have answered your own question....so now you need to change it . Make sense!?

Omg....please don't come back with another excuse!

[Indestructible]

Have you tried online dating?

Many times. Zero luck.

Doesn't sound horrible to me. Me and my bf tease and slag each other all the time, swear at each other etc but its all in a playful, fun way. Id call it flirting lol

Exactly. I want a girl that's going to "play" with me, like that, and I almost never meet any girls I have that kind of playful dynamic with.

umm girls who want the unavailable "bad boy" are usually very insecure and only want him coz they cant have him.. Look for a healthy woman-emotionally, mentally etc. She will want you to be available.

I dunno about "wanting what they don't have", because from what I've seen, girls seem to get with the guys they do want. So, it's not like they're chasing after these less available guys and having no luck.

If you're the type of person who doesn't feel that working with the less fortunate would bring you satisfaction of ANY KIND then you are probably coming off as a bitter personality. I mean, look at that logically.....don't like kids, elderly or the sick. What about animals? Do they make you feel indifferent too? Can you loan your extra to a rescue?

I like animals, yeah. A lot, actually. Too much so, even. I've considered volunteering for something animal-related when I have free time, but I get VERY emotionally attached to animals very easily, so I'm worried I'd constantly be sad or upset when an animal gets put down, or adopted (because I wouldn't see it anymore), or whatever. Sounds silly, and it probably is, but they become my "buddies", and I hate to see them go.

Couple that with the fact you're only interested in a certain type of girl and no time. In other words, you're dating pool s really a small puddle in a parking lot.

It's not as though this is a conscious choice I make, though. We all have things that attract us to one person over another. I don't necessarily have some list of qualities or traits a girl HAS to have in order for me to like her. When it comes down to it, the only thing I care about is how I get along with a girl, what kind of "chemistry" is there. And for the most part, I just don't "connect" with girls in that way. I don't have problems talking to or being friendly to girls, and it's not that I dislike girls, but I never feel enough of a connection to think "I'd like to go on a date with her".

[surfhb2]

You just made up a big list of excuses

If you'd never volunteered with animals you don't how you'll feel ....you're speculating.

I actually think you're speculating on everything.....jump outside your bubble. You might find it rewarding

[basilandthyme]

Eh, well. In a way, I was trying to beat around the bush, because there's really no "nice" way to put this, but... Most volunteer work seems to center on working with children, the elderly, sickly, or the homeless, and trying not to sound insensitive, I have no interest in working with any of these groups. I just don't think I could go into it with the right attitude. I'm sure I could work out some extra time, but I just don't know that volunteer work is for me.

Bollocks.

Volunteer in a community garden, offer your qualifications to a not for profit organisation or NGO, help over 55's learn to use computers (we're talking high functioning seniors here), work in a kitchen making food for the homeless (you don't have to get out on the street), volunteer at the charity shop (if you're in a large town, you'll find that people from all walks of life shop there now)

Or perhaps you'd rather continue not meeting anybody?

[basilandthyme]

You just made up a big list of excuses

If you'd never volunteered with animals you don't how you'll feel ....you're speculating.

I actually think you're speculating on everything.....jump outside your bubble. You might find it rewarding

Animals! I forgot animals. Pet shelter, zoo, rehabilitation.....