Why Is My Boyfriend Still Friends With Female Friend Who Came On To Him?

[Bomba]

Why would a guy who's in a long-term relationship keep a female friend who has come on to him in front of his girlfriend?

I asked him how he thought he would feel if he saw some guy come on to me in front of him and then be flirting with me on Facebook and me be encouraging it, and he was like yeah that would bother him.

So what gives here? He’s still friends with her and liking her pictures and stuff. Is he greedy for the ego boost, or keeping her on wraps for just in case? Or, is it honestly possible that he's that clueless?

[michelle23]

how often does he talk to her? how close are they? how long were they friends when she did that?

id already be gone if my bf was doing this even though you already told him you dont like it and he agreed he wouldnt like it either if it was you and some guy.

you have a few options:

1. leave and tell him go have her
2. play him at his own game to prove a point. find your own flirt buddy and see how he likes it-then leave
3. stay and put up with it (not recommended)
4. break up with him
5. break up with him
6. break up with him

[basilandthyme]

>>how often does he talk to her? how close are they? how long were they friends when she did that? <<

Yep, definitely need the answers to this. And how did she come on to him?

[Bomba]

I don't know if he talks to her, that's another thing I'd like to know, but they're friends on Facebook for sure. I think they maybe dated a couple of times before we started going out. I don't know how long they knew each other before.

She came on to him by kind of grabbing him and kissing him on the lips. Not a friend kiss in any way. This happened like a couple of months after we started dating. He just kind of looked embarrassed but didn't do much about it. When I asked what was up, he said she was probably just drunk and it was no big deal. But then he hasn't unfriended her and he keeps liking her stuff.

When I said something about it he said he didn't think there was anything wrong with that and it didn't occur to him it could hurt my feelings but that he was sorry.

But how could he not know that was not cool to me? Do you think he's just keeping her on the back burner?

[VincenzoG91]

It's like having a spare tire in the trunk.

[basilandthyme]

Bomba, I have to admit that if someone came onto my boyfriend like she did, I'd think it was funny. And I'd be reassured by the fact that he chose me. I wouldn't want him to cut her out of his life over one drunken misdemeanour. Perhaps he thinks like I do?

You say that as far as you know, the only contact he has is 'liking' her photos on FB. Does he 'like' photos from lots of people, or is his concentration focused on her?

Still wanting more info before I say "red flag"

[Bomba]

Bomba, I have to admit that if someone came onto my boyfriend like she did, I'd think it was funny. And I'd be reassured by the fact that he chose me. I wouldn't want him to cut her out of his life over one drunken misdemeanour. Perhaps he thinks like I do?

You say that as far as you know, the only contact he has is 'liking' her photos on FB. Does he 'like' photos from lots of people, or is his concentration focused on her?

Still wanting more info before I say "red flag"

I guess it's just the fact that she keeps posting on his wall all flirty and he always likes what she posts, and when he likes her pictures he'll say something like she looks good or something. I just don't see why he has to encourage her.

And why is it ok for her to have a "drunken misdemeanour" like that? So it'd be cool for me to get drunk and be all over someone other guy in front of my boyfriend and then flirt with them on FB for months and months? Do you think my boyfriend would just chalk it up to me being drunk that one time?

I know you're probably trying to put things into perspective, but it just feels not cool. He's friends with other girls and I'm ok with that. It's just this one girl that bugs me. Maybe because I saw her all over him and she was gross and he doesn't see her as gross and it bugs me.

It makes me want to do the same to him because I don't think he really understands how much this is hurting me. I am angry that it seems so easy to say this is no big deal, it's almost laughable. And he said he was sorry for making me feel bad, etc.

But how come that makes it all right? I would never have thought of making him feel bad that way, I would never think of flirting with some guy who came on to me and encourage him to keep flirting with me. But being considerate doesn't seem to get me anywhere. I was drunk, he was drunk, oops, sorry. How does that explain all these months and months of being friends like that?

Gee, I want some attention like that. Who wouldn't? Especially if it's so easy to get away with it.

[smackie9]

This is a deal breaker....stop yer bitchin and break up with him. Obviously he isn't really the committed type.

[smackie9]

Tip: some guys have a GF to just have a GF....a steady supply of sex.

[Bomba]

Tip: some guys have a GF to just have a GF....a steady supply of sex.

I guess what I really want to know is, could he possibly not have realized it wasn't cool, like he says? Could he really be that clueless, or am I just grasping at straws here?

[michelle23]

babe im sorry to say this and i know its not what you wana here but you are his backup plan. i think he wanted to be with her-something prob happened between them a few times-possibly friends with benefits or maybe he fancied her and she sent mixed messages. he moved onto you to try and get over her and now shes jealous and only wants him coz hes with you.

i think you should dump him-hes settling for you coz he thinks he cant have her.

[Bomba]

babe im sorry to say this and i know its not what you wana here but you are his backup plan. i think he wanted to be with her-something prob happened between them a few times-possibly friends with benefits or maybe he fancied her and she sent mixed messages. he moved onto you to try and get over her and now shes jealous and only wants him coz hes with you.

i think you should dump him-hes settling for you coz he thinks he cant have her.

That's what it feels like, isn't it. I can't believe someone could really be so clueless. He had to know it wasn't cool...

[michelle23]

i dont trust men who have close female friends. i see it as a huge red flag. most men will only become friendly with a girl if he wants to ask her out or sleep with her.. i think you should just dump him.

[smackie9]

I guess what I really want to know is, could he possibly not have realized it wasn't cool, like he says? Could he really be that clueless, or am I just grasping at straws here?

Grasping at straws.

[michelle23]

Grasping at straws.

I second that. Stop being so damn desperate and break up with him. Try to learn not to be a doormat. Sorry if that is harsh but you should have dumped him when that b**ch kissed him and he didnt tell her to f**k off