Taking a Break

[xTheDonutx]

So i'll cut right to the story. My girlfriend of 2 years and I have been apart for a few months now, she's completing an internship in another state while I'm preparing to join the Army. Now, she has another year of college while I have already graduated and we both have been happy together. However, she said she had some time to think up there and thinks we more or less break up. She hasn't been single ever since she was in high school and she says she wants to know who she really is by herself and wants to know the single life. She says she doesn't want to break up but she sees our career paths not being compatible. With her deciding she wants to live where she's getting her internship it's obvious that staying in one place isn't very Army-like. Before, we both said we were fine with her moving around with me every so often and me willing to go for a Reserve option, getting a job in between drills and stay with her, which I am perfectly fine with doing. She's lived the Army life with her dad being deployed and stationed away from her family, she has said she can deal with it. However, she says that in the scheme of things we both be giving up what we wanted in life. For me i do not see it that way.
So she's conflicted about wanting to be with me and wanting to see what life by herself is like. It's hard to wrap my head around her saying she wants to be with me but wanting to be single to see about other guys, but saying she wants to be single because she hasn't been single since she entered high school. I don't know quite what to do in this situation and it seems to me that it can be salvaged, just that we both may be a bit selfish. To me, logically, it seems that she may be in a transition period in her life seeing as she only has a year left of college and then off the to the Real World and she wants to make sure she knows what she wants in life before settling down. Some advice on this would help, thanks.

[cali123]

I'm a chick and I've felt the way your girlfriend feels. Maybe I can explain from my experience. Give her that time she needs. You shouldn't have to convince someone to be in a relationship with you. Active duty and reserves life are very different creatures. Being in the Guard or Reserves is very much like keeping your civilian life, but with an annoying commitment one weekend a month. In my opinion, that is a huge compromise for someone who sounds sure she wants to be alone. It might not be that she wants to see other guys (it wasn't for me, but I don't know her so take with a grain of salt). There are a million micro-compromises one makes in a relationship and all together can feel like you are losing yourself if you don't have a good idea of who you are on your own. She (and you) are at that age where you are discovering who you are, and it sounds like she wants the time and space to explore that without any constraints. Gosh, if I stayed with the boyfriend I had when I was 21, 22, I would probably be in an insane asylum now. The best you can do is respect her wishes, lick your wounds, and focus on your own bright future. Stay in touch and be friends, and you never know what life will bring. You will change SO MUCH after BCT and AIT and meet so many different types of people. Now is your time to explore! Take a cue from your girlfriend and go do it.

[michelle23]

Your girl is being realistic. Long distance is very hard-even for the strongest of couples who have shared a lifetime together. The chances of one of you cheating is very high and its really not worth hurting each other and ending on bad terms. I think you should let her go, focus on your career etc. Right now you are going in two very different directions and its not gonna be half as simple or as easy as you think it will be