Girlfriend broke up. Chances? No contact?

**Maroku** · 30-06-13, 10:49 PM

Hello,
I hope someone here can help me, I'm 23 and my first girlfriend in my life broke up with me last monday. We were almost together for 2 years, I really fell in love with her over this time and I'm devastated she broke up with me, I've cried for 3 days and had uncormfortable heartbeating / high pulse; still experiencing painful downs every day.. I guess many know how it feels..

A bit about me and why I think our relationship failed.. I'm not good dealing with other people in general, and I'm not good at just being who I am. To this day I have a single best friend which I had for many years who is one of the few people I can just be myself with. I'm studying and at university I kind of have one/two friends, but in the end they don't really fit me and we don't really talk outside of university. I'm a very silent person and usually only talk to others when they talk to me, but I am or try my best to be friendly. I really don't talk much or don't know what to talk about and have quite different hobbies from most people, so I just keep silent.
Anyway, my girlfriend was one of the few people who shared similar intrests and I've always tried my best to make her feel as comfortable as possible, because I was so scared to lose her..
But I realize now that she was really right when she broke up with me, she told me she thought about us for many weeks and came to the conclusion that it just wouldn't work out with us.
I was too scared to lose her all the time, because I was not confident in myself. Everytime I thought about her I thought how lucky I am, a person like me being together with her. I realize this was wrong, it kept me from being myself, the guy she wanted to date, many times. We got to know each other in university in a common lecture where I had 2 friends I could talk with normally, mostly being myself.
I have realized more things I did wrong, things I could have done better, and also things she could have done better (it was her first relationship too), but let me keep it at this for the moment.
If you have any questions, please ask, I will try my best to be honest with myself.

As heartbreaking as the thought is, I can't help but think it'd take a miracle for us to get back together. When she told me she wanted to break up, she was not being mean with me, I was speechless, but she'd stay with me a bit. I knew I couldn't argue with her, she said she couldn't see it working anymore, and I didn't feel any love from her side, it was pointless to say anything, she probably fell out of love with me being someone I wasn't so many times. Though she said she also cried for days, was under stress, after making the decision to break up; and I told her I thought I had found my partner for life with her, and asked why would she cry if she didn't like me anymore. She told me she doesn't hate me and we partet like that.

I do not know her feelings for me anymore, all I know is she doesn't want to be with me if it continued like it was.
I made one mistake, but it was on the same day we broke up, where I just could not control myself. I sent her a message thanking her for making the past 2 years the best of my life, telling her I really fell in love with her and apologizing for not making her happy in the last times. I also included that I'd probably keep loving her and if her feelings ever came back, that I would be happy to have her back. I then sent her an SMS asking her to please read this message..
It was my first relationship, my first breakup, I don't know how bad of a move this was. At least what I wrote was my true feelings. I know she read it a day later (it showed the time). But since I sent that message on the day we broke up, I've not tried to contact her in any way. I've tried to drown myself in things to do. I had the urge to get a new haircut and I decided to finally get my driving license, and I tried to have fun doing the usual things I do. The last few days have been a bit better, but it's up and down. Going to sleep is especially bad, when I have time to think.

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Now I ask here for advice because I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Now, tomorrow morning, because of university, it will be inevitable that we see each other. It's a seminar which I cannot miss and she'll also have a short presentation. The day we broke up, the very first thing I said without thinking and we somehow agreed on without more talking is, "we can at least stay friends". Then we have not contacted each other since that day.
But I cannot do this, at least not for now. I do not want to just be her friend, right now my feeling is I want her back as a lover. But I also do not want her to be forever gone from my life. If there is no way to get back together, and I had more time to accept it, I at least want to stay friends with her, as she is one of the few people I could actually be friends with.
So tomorrow, while I have to be present, I can leave after the presentations are done, but there will be a break where we might end up talking. What do I do? Do I ignore her? Do I tell her, I do not want to contact her for some time; that I want to change myself; want to give us a second chance? What if she starts talking to me? I don't want to act like I'm perfectly fine with us being just friends. But I also don't want act like I never want to see her again. I feel if I just ignore her, she'll think I don't want anything to do with her anymore. But if she talks to me and I tell her I don't want to just be friends, I will come across as depressed, sulking,.. , which will push her even farther away.
Please! Help me with this.
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Maybe you noticed, I've tried reading different advices on how to handle my situation and I think not trying to contact her for some time is what I should do. However, I'm not only doing this to accept the currect situation, but also because I have the hope that there is a chance for a second, better try at our relationship. I do not want to mistakenly tell her with my actions "Please stay away, I don't want to have contact with you anymore".

I realize I wrote a bit, but if you do not have the time to read it all, please try to help me with the situation I marked by -------'s if you are able to.
Thanks in advance for any advice..

**Maroku** · 01-07-13, 03:52 AM

can no one help me?

I'm starting to get scared to see her tomorrow, I might be emotionally back to day one or even worse, if she ignores me.
I'm planning to be as cheerful as possible and not appear depressed, but it will be really hard..
I want to give my best shot at any chance I have left with her, but I have no idea what I should or should not do tomorrow.. except that I shouldn't be depressed..

**kirsy** · 01-07-13, 06:39 AM

Learn from your mistake don't pretend to be someone your not. and out of personal experience you shouldn't contact her at all even if its killing you inside. and whenever you guys see each other don't ignore her or act depress because the last thing you want from her is pity. occasional you may say hi and start little conversation like everything is okay even if its not. "But if she talks me and I tell her I don't want to just be friends" Huge mistake the last thing on her mind right now is getting back with you need to be STRONG !!!! if you want her back give her space and time but so far your doing okay on your only join the gym, go swimming, read a book, make friends, FOCUS ON YOURSELF that should be your main concern