Sex with the Ex-- advice from guys

[Jessica1]

hey guys,
me and my now ex boyfriend were high school sweethearts and broke up during our first year of college (went out for 4 years)...we are long distance--about 3 hours away from each other.
he has depression and anxiety and was just not normal during the long distant relationship...he would drink a LOT because he said he missed me and just went into a depression when i finally left to go away to college...one time when i didnt answer my phone, i received 21 missed calls from him in a span of 2 hours. He broke up with me about a month into the LDR and said that he just couldnt go on like this...thinking about me 24/7 ...unable to concentrate on his school work-- he's an applied math major. he said the distance was just too much for him to handle...its hard not being there to be able to hold him, you know. he has no family and has a history of depression.

anyway, fast forward one year after the break up-- (we havent been in contact at ALL)--he sends me a message that basically says that he's been thinking about me everyday for a year and said he never meant for what happened to happen...explained the state of mind he was in when he broke up with me and how deeply sorry he was. he then said he truly loved me and didnt expect for me to ever talk to him again but felt that i deserved to know what happened. I responded said sure i'll talk to you again and later suggested meeting for lunch.

this was back in decemeber when we were both on winter break...we went to lunch and hung out a couple times, just as friends...sat on separate couches, no hand holding...by the 3rd week, we were having sex. i was left kind of confused by what he wanted from me.

fast forward to May, we're on school break again and when we talk about hanging out again he tells me that he cant handle a relationship because of the deep seated issues he still has personally...claims that he would be unable to make me happy. and then said he told me because he didnt want to lead me on...but would still like to be friends.

i agree to be friends...once this was said, i tried to act like we never had sex before...sat on a separate couch, tried not to flirt but he ended up initiating sex..and i dont resist, because yes i do want it.

i just dont know what this all means. help and advice would be appreciated

[toknow]

Are you comfortable with not being able to define what you are at the moment?

[michelle23]

stop being a doormat. tell him to f**k off. your being used

[Starnique]

Sex with the Ex is a no no. I used to have slips up with my ex all the time and we never got over each other doing that. It made things very difficult. It kept us attached. First of all dont **** him anymore. If its over its over. You cant move fwd if you keep dipping in the past.

[Jessica1]

we're basically friends who have sex? however, its not following ANY of the FWB rules.
we cuddle, go on dates, talk after sex...i stay over his house past 10am lol.
i dont mind it---i like having a dear friend to **** because its not emotionless...i also dont have the urge to get back together..i dont want to marry him--he has too many problems.
however, i am single and i want sex...however, i dont like casual sex with someone i hardly know :/
its hard.

am i really being used? i mean....wow, idk.

SHOULD I TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS?
I dont want to be a bitch and just drop him or tell him to **** off. i kind of want to discuss this with him first. what should i say??

[toknow]

Since you seem to enjoy it, you can't say you are being used. It's up to you where this goes from here.

[Starnique]

I dont know about being used but he getting all of the treatment of a girlfriend without the title. So the minute you start questioning him or got an issue the first thing he's gonna say is, but we not together.

[Lord Darkshire]

Sex with the ex is never good. You are being used because you are easily manipulated for his own satisfaction. This has nothing to do with emotions...he just wants to has a release.

[michelle23]

You survived for a year without him. Why are you going backwards? I think you should stop this now and move on before one of you does get too attached and hurt.

[jonnybegood]

I don't even see my Ex's let alone put myself in a position to sleep with them.
Move on you deserve better!

[Jessica1]

Ugh I'm still fhcking him. Idkk what to do...I'm kind if enjoying it right now.
I figured that since we do go.to school about 3 hrs away from each other....me leaving at the end of the summer sets a deadline for this thing to end.

[michelle23]

your wasting your time. uou could be looking for someone who ticks all the boxes-instead your pretending not to care that he doesnt want you romantically-just sexually. your gonna get hurt again by this guy. all ill say is good luck

[Wakeup]

we're basically friends who have sex? however, its not following ANY of the FWB rules.
we cuddle, go on dates, talk after sex...i stay over his house past 10am lol.
i dont mind it---i like having a dear friend to **** because its not emotionless...i also dont have the urge to get back together..i dont want to marry him--he has too many problems.
however, i am single and i want sex...however, i dont like casual sex with someone i hardly know :/
its hard.

am i really being used? i mean....wow, idk.

SHOULD I TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS?
I dont want to be a bitch and just drop him or tell him to **** off. i kind of want to discuss this with him first. what should i say??

If you are fine with the arrangement and you are'nt hurting to be his exclusive girlfriend then who the eff are we to tell you any different?

No! You are NOT being used ~ not anymore then you're using him anyway. The only thing you should be careful of is falling into being lazy in finding someone that will be everything to you; friend, lover, exclusive partner.

If you want more then what you are currently getting from him then you are doing yourself no favors by settling for him being your human dildo and you being his warm wet place to masturbate.

If you're enjoying it and not wanting anything more, then so be it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking you're okay with it if you're not.

*To answer your actual question: Just tell him straight what you want and let him tell you if he can give it to you or not, then, depending on his answer, you make an informed decision as to what is truly in your own best interests. The important thing is to actually know what YOU want before you tell him.

[Jessica1]

Starting to rethink the whole thing. Sigh I need to stop fvcking him. casual sex isn't for me.

[Cerby]

Starting to rethink the whole thing. Sigh I need to stop fvcking him. casual sex isn't for me.

Best bet is to remove yourself from his life so you don't see him any further. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with an ex as long as the emotion is out of it, but that is rarely the case. Right now you're just holding yourself back from moving forward and finding someone new.