Looking for a male opinion - I'm confused!

[aimelia]

I have an online friend who I have known for over 6 years, he is 25 and I am 26.

He and I first started talking when I was in a different country and we went through the whole "I think I love you" thing before we realized (after a few dramas) that we really are only just friends. I have now moved to New York to study and over the years we have continued to talk to each other on a very regular basis (sometimes as long as 8 hours at a time) but have never met. I have tried to arrange meetings (he is in Texas) but they always fall through either due to his or my schedules. Neither of us have mentioned the L word to each other in a few years now and there are no real terms of endearment like babe or hon - nothing at all other than the same sort of friendship I have with other male friends.

Over the last week things have gotten a little confusing. Last weekend he was hardly around. He would get online and then get a phone call and leave with a buddy. The Sunday before last I jokingly asked him if he had found a girl. He said yes but it was not her he was going out with that night it was a buddy as she lived 2 hours away and he had never met her. I didn't see him again until the Tuesday when he got online into a game but not onto skype. When I said hi to him he said he was in a hurry as he was going to dinner but would be online Wednesday and Thursday but then not until after 4th July as he was going on vacation with his family.

I didn't see him on either of those 2 nights but he did log on Friday night and said he was late for the movies and had to go. He did not give me a chance to reply to him before he logged off. I found this really rude and sent him an email asking what I had done to annoy him so much that he just didn't think twice about being rude to me. I also told him I was happy he had found someone and told him I was jealous- meaning because I had lost my friend. I wished him the best and told him to look for me if he ever wanted to chat. Normally I don't receive a reply longer than 2 or 3 words when I email him but he sent me a very long reply which states that I have and will always have a special place in his heart and how we have a special bond and how much he loves my company but because we have never met he has dated people over the last year or so, which I already knew. He also said that he had had the girl with him since Tuesday and that he has known me over 6 years and has never met me but has only known this girl for 2 weeks and she has driven over 2 hours to see him, has hugged and has kissed him. He said that he is not hiding me from her - she supposedly knows about me but he feels because she is there he needs to spend time with her. He said he even felt guilty taking time away from her to write the email to me.

I find this all very confusing. I feel he is lying to me and maybe in some way attempting to manipulate me. He said she is leaving the country for a month soon and this week is all he has had with her. He said he wants a fairy tale ending and I have the choice of whether I want to be a part of it but I have to make the effort and get there or he will choose someone else. I find myself actually doubting whether there really is a girl or if there is whether she is actually there. He does work hard at this time of year so he may well be just working long hours, but wow if there was a girl staying with you would you be emailing another girl saying these things? And why does a girl supposedly drive over 2 hours to meet a guy within a week of knowing him and stay at his place and why would he let her? Why on the day she supposedly arrived is he telling me he will be online the next 2 nights?

He will not be back online now till after July 4th says he will be around more and can talk about this then.

What's really going on here guys? Any ideas?

I need to get my head straight before I talk to him next. I thought we had a great friendship but this is a little bizarre.

[Empty Road]

Sounds to me he got off the computer and got a life. You should be happy for him.

[michelle23]

Stop wasting time chatting to strangers on the internet. What is wrong with some people? Get off the computer, get out of the house and go and find yourself a man. 6 years wasted... jeez!

[Empty Road]

Stop wasting time chatting to strangers on the internet. What is wrong with some people? Get off the computer, get out of the house and go and find yourself a man. 6 years wasted... jeez!

Just wait til they invent a Matrix like virtual reality. No way I'm leaving the capsule.

[michelle23]

Just wait til they invent a Matrix like virtual reality. No way I'm leaving the capsule.

haha I just read over what I wrote and realized im sitting on my ass talking to strangers on the internet but I have a real man at home. Some people waste their whole lives living in some fantasy cyber land.

[Empty Road]

haha I just read over what I wrote and realized im sitting on my ass talking to strangers on the internet but I have a real man at home. Some people waste their whole lives living in some fantasy cyber land.

Yup it's ironic. And I think you are becoming an addict. But the place needs you.

[michelle23]

haha I am addicted to this forum. Im on it for half the day at work and also go on it at night too when I am supposed to be going to sleep. Oh well it keeps me busy

[aimelia]

Stop wasting time chatting to strangers on the internet. What is wrong with some people? Get off the computer, get out of the house and go and find yourself a man. 6 years wasted... jeez!

I sure I asked for male opinions on this...could actually be why I posted in this area.

Something wrong with women who feel its fine to abuse other women in an area of a forum meant for answers from guys.

Get off your high holier than thy horse and maybe try some constructive help rather than putting someone down in a forum where you were not asked a question.

Giving up on these forums after this rude post.

[michelle23]

I sure I asked for male opinions on this...could actually be why I posted in this area.

Something wrong with women who feel its fine to abuse other women in an area of a forum meant for answers from guys.

Get off your high holier than thy horse and maybe try some constructive help rather than putting someone down in a forum where you were not asked a question.

Giving up on these forums after this rude post.

What I said was not meant to be an insult. More like a reality check. I dont sugar coat. And what difference does it make whether you get a male or females opinion. Most will say the same thing. Its not a real relationship if you have never met..

[Matt555]

1. Do you have feelings for him?

2. If you do have feelings for him then why can't you make the time to meet up with him?

@michelle, I actually have 4 friends that are dating and living with their bf/gf that met online.

[michelle23]

@michelle, I actually have 4 friends that are dating and living with their bf/gf that met online.

did they meet in the first week or month of talking online? Or did it drag on for years and years before they met? That is the difference.

[devilish]

haha I just read over what I wrote and realized im sitting on my ass talking to strangers on the internet but I have a real man at home.

Your vibrator doesn't count as a "boyfriend"

[LifeInflux]

Aimelia, I'm sorry that your online friendship that may have been more has turned out differently then you had hoped. Despite what others are saying, it is possible to connect with another person online, and to receive companionship and a long lasting sense of intimacy for a time. For those of you who think that this is a facade that has come about only recently in the internet age, this was actually quite common much earlier to when the computer was even invented where strangers would commonly write to each other as "pen pals". So in that respect don't feel so bad about yourself there. All of us are on this forum and are online now, and if it were so easy to just "get out and find a man" then everyone would be in a healthy happy relationship.


Now more to the point. Here you have to ask yourself, after 6 years why it is you two haven't met in person? You say your schedules never matched up, but that isn't the truth. In truth either of you could have made a specific trip just for one another in 6 years worth of speaking together.

In comparison, if you were to meet someone online, perhaps on an online dating site, and you two hit it off, what do you believe the turnaround time would be to how soon you would see them? Substantially less than six years I would think. In fact, if you didn't opt to meet them in less than a couple weeks I would be surprised.

Whats happening now is all too common, and though its confusing for you because you don't know how you feel -- is he a friend? Is he more than a friend? -- in the grand scheme of things is irrelevant. Unless you and him are ever willing to take a chance on each other and meet, you will be nothing more then pen pals. It may be tough now, but at the end of the day, when next you speak to him, be happy for him and know that in a much shorter time than you think, you'll find someone else thats willing to meet you too, and it will be glorious.

[michelle23]

Your vibrator doesn't count as a "boyfriend"

funny..............

[jonnybegood]

I really don't know how people can profess to love someone they've never met, I spent 4 weeks talking to a girl via email, text & telephone, we got on amazing, but when we met in person there was something missing.

Online is great, but you've got to get out and actually meet these people, I've heard loads of success stories, but if a woman isn't talking about meeting me after a couple of weeks I'm getting suspicious. I even had one recently where we met after only a day and a half, she had a similar experience to me and said why waste time getting to know lots of little useless facts about some to then only find you don't click, I was a little taken aback but she was so right!

Watch the TV show Catfish (sure these maybe fictions made up for entertainment) but hey makes you think!