The Girl isn't the problem, her family is.

[Andrew124]

Hi,
I am an 18 year old boy who works in a pub, but only temporarily as i am off to university this september, but in the past year of working there, i have fallen for a girl who i have known from school for a while but never spoke to until she started working at the same pub as i did. We started getting along as friends for about 3 months and got on really well, but i knew she had a boyfriend she had been with for around 2 years and respecting that, I decided not to act upon my feelings and remained her friend. Down the line around 6 months later she suddenly stopped talking to me outside of work and rarely spoke to me at work. It turns out her boyfriend had heard about us talking and was not happy about it and asked her not to speak to me. Hearing this i decided to talk to her boyfriend and although i was lying, i said that we were just friends as nothing had actually happened at this point between us, we shook hands and his girlfriend was comfortable with being my friend again. Around 3-4 months later me and this girl had become very close and were almost spending every day together, after work or on our days off. One weekend we were both invited to a party and after a few drinks, the girl told me she didn't want to be with her boyfriend anymore, and told me its because she couldn't stop thinking about me, as you can imagine I was absolutely over the moon about this, however she has a brother who I used to be friends with at school, but eventually came to hate each other through disagreements. Me and the girl both agreed if we were to start something, her brother and soon to be ex boyfriend could not find out about us. However after a few weeks of hanging out with each other people started noticing about us and talking. (We live in a close community village and everyone has to know everyones business). And then inevitably the brother and ex boyfriend found out about this. The brother, a person who hates me went mad at the girl and told the girls parents things about me that put them off me, and everyone was against us being together.

This created problems as she wanted to see me but her brother said she was not allowed to, I know she should be able to do what she wants but she is 17 years old, and as an older brother he is going to be protective over her, and she decided that with me going to university in september there would be little point trying to fight for us, but beforehand we spoke about perhaps meeting up after university if we had nothing going on, but obviously 3-4 years is a long time and a lot of things could happen in that time. Within the past day or so we had a massive argument over the situation and agreed to never speak to each other because we have caused too many problems. However she has text me and I have not text back, i feel so guilty about the argument and causing the problems with her family. But now i am not sure wether I should write the whole idea of being with her off and try to move on, or at-least remain in contact with her as a friend through university, as i will not be close enough for us to have a relationship anyway so it shouldn't get too complicated. Ive had relations with girls in the past and liked the girls, but not wanted anything long term, however with this girl we got on so well and everything felt so right, that i feel like the relationship we spoke of never got a chance to unwind so i feel unfulfilled and I am feeling depressed about the whole thing. Any feed back or advice would be greatly appreciated as I just dont know what to do from this point onwards, has too much water gone under the bridge for us to be happy? or will i just have to wait and let time tell? Thank-you for reading!

[rafterman]

Meh .... It sounds like more trouble than its worth, I wouldnt bother waiting 3-4 years only for history to repeat itself. Some things were never meant to be , this is one of them. A relationship with her sounds like its always going to have conflict in some form.... maybe smooth things over in a text and move on. .... You kind of did "mow someone's lawn" ... IMO

Too add..... so is the family the problem ... Or is it you. To some extent ? You drove a wedge in between her and her B/F

[Andrew124]

Meh .... It sounds like more trouble than its worth, I wouldnt bother waiting 3-4 years only for history to repeat itself. Some things were never meant to be , this is one of them. A relationship with her sounds like its always going to have conflict in some form.... maybe smooth things over in a text and move on. .... You kind of did "mow someone's lawn" ... IMO

Too add..... so is the family the problem ... Or is it you. To some extent ? You drove a wedge in between her and her B/F

Thank-you for the reply, Now i look at it from your point of view, I agree that i may be the problem. Since originally posting this the girl has contacted me saying that she wants nothing to do with me and that i was a mistake, so as it turns out I probably am the problem, so now I have left her to her choice and I am not going to contact her anymore.

[Love is war]

Agree with rafterman, more trouble than its worth