How to breakup with my boyfriend...?

[bassdeath]

i havent made a decision yet but hypothetically... if i did any time soon, like in a few months, how could i go about it?

he's my first boyfriend, first love, i'm 20 hes 22. we've been together for over a year and weve been living together for 8 months. everything's been good up until his familys restaurant closed down a few months ago, where we both worked and met. the past few months have shown me how lazy and entitled he is. he hates the idea of work and he gets so easily depressed when he has to go to work (twice a week!). he's collecting employment insurance, and even though that rightfully his, i rather he get a job and have some structure in his life. he's been hooked on world of warcraft and he's also a pothead.

he wants to become an investor, and whether i think his resources are scams or not, at least he has goals. he wants to get serious about them. he acknowledges his pot addiction, yet when i try to help him or suggest ways to reduce if not quit, he gets touchy and really childish about it "i dont want to talk about it". and no matter how supportive i sound, he tells me he doesnt want me to see him "this way". he doesnt want hhis gf to see him as a loser or whatever. and even though he is coming across as a loser, i try to talk to him from a non judgmental approach. i just try to get to the root of things. he wants to improve himself, smoke less, etc, and he keeps telling me this is something he has to do on his own... he thinks its all about willpower, as if he's just inherently lazy.... but no... he makes all sorts of excuses for weed, he blames himself, not the weed, he blames anything but weed even when he KNOWS it's holding him back and its sad. i told him that the biggest mistake he can do is repeat one that has proven ineffective. and he's told me and himself enough times that he'll somehow force himself to change or smoke less, as opposed to getting serious and not smoke at all. i feel like there is not much more i can say or do, only to give it a little more time and see if anything really changes this time. but say if it doesnt...

how would i break up with him? we're both in a bit of debt, share 50/50 in this apt. i guess i could afford to move out since i dont worry much about money. but how do i tell him? i want to be honest but would it be too harsh to say that im not attracted to his negativity/whininess/lack of productivity? im also afraid because i know he loves me very much and aside from all of this, he's a loving person. i dont like the idea of crushing him and making him more negative. i kinda worry hell guilt trip me, and say breaking up with him will make him more depressed, if that happens what do i do or say?

[overanxious]

be 100 percent honest.....tell him what bothers you....or if you must choose words maybe i suggest saying "i dont think it will work...i dont think its working...im not happy" or something along those lines.....honesty is the best policy....either way you cut it it may hurt him....at least you can live with knowing you told him the truth

ive been on the other side of it....where someone isnt honest with you....they cant confront their feelings or say what it is really bothering them.....or that they arent happy...i went through a breakup(being left) where someone clearly wasnt happy....and they were given the opportunity several times to state that they werent and wanted something else....but didnt....only to be met with lies when the other person finally gathered the courage.......just be honest....it makes things much easier...my last ex gf had already detached from the relationship mentally for about a month....and couldnt quite come out and say it for whatever reason....she kept leading it on and still making everything seem normal until she found and excuse or an out......and i would have appreciated it so much if she had just been honest and confronted her feelings and dealt with them maturely....

[smackie9]

Ya and make sure you are already out the door with your stuff and say "This isn't working out, I'm gonna go now, don't call me."

[basilandthyme]

He already knows how you feel and has done nothing about it, so what makes you think it will get better in the future? When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

My best advice is to just get outta there. Just tell him it isn't working for you anymore. If he wants to know why, smile and tell him to think back on all the conversations you've already had with him.

[overanxious]

"weed" is such a weird drug....i used to smoke for years.....and quit about 4 years ago with no problem....most of my friends still smoke...alot....but they are successful with great jobs and seem to enjoy life.....for others though it may hold them back...i quit because i got too old for trying to get it...for driving with it in my car on the way back....just tired of it....for others they seem to enjoy it....strange drug...i remember years ago my good friend(whom i dont even know or speak to anymore) that got me started on it told me one day "you still smoke alot huh....you didnt get over it" and i was dumbfounded that this kid who was so immeresed in it and the culture would say this to me....and then the day i started to feel the same way i realized what he had said and it hit me

[michelle23]

hun you dont need to give him an explanation. Start making plans now. Get on the net and find an apartment or house share. Whatever you can afford. Start packing the small bits. things that he wont notice yet. Then when you have all your plans made and are ready to leave just start packing the rest of your stuff. Tell him you cannot live like this anymore and you are moving out and its over. That is all you need to say. If he tries to guilt trip you-tell him you are not happy and you are not the type of girl who will stay unhappy for long so you are not gonna change your mind-its over. Goodbye