Shop for Women?

[Milky Way]

I've been dating this guy for six years and we went through our ups and downs like many other couples. But there is one issue which confused me showed up.

I borrowed his computer today which he left open his email page (he usually leaves it open). I did not mean to but saw some email titles from online dating sites. I went those dating sites out of curiosity and found out that he opened one site several months ago and the other site two weeks ago while I was on a business trip oversesas. Obviously he is actively seeking other women.

When I asked him about this, he first denied saying those sites just sent him something he does not wants. Actually he did this a few years ago and stopped after I confronted him. He just started doing the same thing again. He said he never met them or talk to them over the phone but I will never know. We do not live together, so it's not like I can observe him everyday.

It may be that he is bored since we've been together for six years and things can become routine. Or this can be a warning sign that I should be aware of.

Please advise me why he does this.

Thank you

[lalalita]

He's lying. He's seeking out female attention.

[Milky Way]

He's lying. He's seeking out female attention.

I noticed that he does like to get female attention. Then why does he crave for it? Will he continue this behaviour for very long time?

[rafterman]

Um he's not interested in you anymore,and he's looking for greener pastures. You should shut him down.. now !

[sadbunnyface]

Uggs, this is the crap I hate off people, when confronted they make the decision to outright lie to a person who loves them. If you recalled his dating site profiles you could bust him on making up a fake one and hitting him up, see what he says back to you on that profile, that would be definite proof he is on a pu$$yhunt. I think he should just be honest but he won't because he wants those sites and you too. He wants it all. Let him know he can't have it all, that isn't how a committed relationship works.

[pennylane1984]

Six years and no ring? Cut him loose and find someone better! I'd be running away from him. I wouldn't waste anymore of my precious time with him.

[smackie9]

You should revisit this conversation with him. Tell him that he can give you all the lame excuses in the world, but you are not buying it. Just ask him to be honest with how he views your relationship and go over it with him. Maybe things can be fix and maybe not. You must express to him that his activity is a symptom of some issues, and it can't be ignored. It isn't fair to anyone of you if he feels trapped in a boring relationship, and you have a BF that has emotionally given up on your relationship.

[Valixy]

I agree with the others, he is looking for attention and most probably has checked out of the relationship some time ago but you're the only one who could confirm this by having a good look at how things have been going in the last months. You shouldn't find yourself in this situation and you should leave him.

[smackie9]

Six years and no ring? Cut him loose and find someone better! I'd be running away from him. I wouldn't waste anymore of my precious time with him.

Yes this is a valid point to bring up. Ask him where is this relationship going. 6 years is a long time to be dating and no sign of marriage. A direct plan of marriage, not talk of marriage. Remember go by their actions and not what they tell you.

[Milky Way]

Thank you for your advise, guys!

By the way, he is 49 and divorced twice, so he seems to be afraid to make another commitment. When we talked about possible marriage before, he said he did not want to ruin what's working by getting married again. Since two marriages ended in divorce, he thinks he may lose me if we get married.

[rafterman]

Putting a ring on someones finger is no magic bullet anyway.... If a relationship is going to fall over than it will. Regardless. Sounds like you two, might be looking for different things commitment wise

[pennylane1984]

Milkyway-He'll lose you anyway the rate he is going. Too complicated and he is too interested in keeping his options open. Like I said before six years and no ring? Noway! I'd be done with him just on that alone. He is having the milk for free so why would he buy the cow? You are giving him too much power and say in the relationship. I hope you know you are an equal. If you want to try and work it out like it sounds like you have done that in the past then go ahead but just remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

[pennylane1984]

Putting a ring on someones finger is no magic bullet anyway.... If a relationship is going to fall over than it will. Regardless. Sounds like you two, might be looking for different things commitment wise

I agree. He is keeping his dating options open and I hope the OP is doing the same for her sake. Why leave his email open where she could possibly see it and get upset? Is this guy really that secure that she won't leave him or did he simply forget to log off and close out?

[smackie9]

Thank you for your advise, guys!

By the way, he is 49 and divorced twice, so he seems to be afraid to make another commitment. When we talked about possible marriage before, he said he did not want to ruin what's working by getting married again. Since two marriages ended in divorce, he thinks he may lose me if we get married.

Red flag red flag! divorced twice? " he thinks he may lose me if we get married." hah I doubt that. No this means he is unstable in relationships.....he can't stay put in one place for very long....

" he said he did not want to ruin what's working by getting married" more bull shit....are you that gullible?

[catnip]

What do these 'ups and downs' consist of? Are the 'downs' significant issues?

Just hoping that you're not staying through times which should actually be deal breakers.