need help with an "I" statement

[basilandthyme]

OK, I know the theory of "I" statement, but I have a great deal of trouble putting them together.

I'm seeing a kinda friend tomorrow. She means well - she'd do anything for anyone - but she complains. All. The. Time. Honestly, no matter what topic I try to come up with, she will find some type of negative. I try to avoid her 1:1 but I don't want to avoid the group she's a part of because that would affect my family.

I'm worried that if I don't address it soon, I will lose my temper and I don't want to do that.

I need to come up with an *I* statement about how hearing complaining brings me down. Or perhaps you've got an approach to help me deal with it. Can someone please help me?

[michelle23]

Maybe you could play the concerned person role and very subtly ask her is there anything bothering her as she comes across sometimes as quite unhappy.

I doubt any I statement would prevent conflict as the truth hurts so no matter what way you tell her that her negativity drags you down-it will hit a nerve and she will be pissed.

I have a friend like this too. Shes actually my cousin but we grew up as close friends (her parents are divorced and her mother kept her away from any family interactions so that is the reason I call her a friend and not a cousin) but yes I find it difficult to bite my tongue with her too so I have started to avoid her a lot

[basilandthyme]

Thanks for the reply Michelle. It's sad when we have to start avoiding people, isn't it.

I'm thinking that I might just say "I would really like to avoid complaining, it brings me down"

[sadbunnyface]

Could say I understand you may not be happy right now but maybe if you focused on all the positives in your life you would see you have things to be happy about. And if she is in deep denial about her constant complaining, you can return back this to her: Oh I assumed because you complain so often about your life and other stuff you must be feeling unhappy or having difficulties you are not discussing, if not then why all the complaining, would you like to talk, I am willing to listen. She ' might ' get the idea then? Maybe it is how she connects with others, through complaining? and doesn't even realize it is putting others off her. My male room mate is very negative, and it is on going day in and out.