Hi there,
I am thinking about whether I want to stay with my boyfriend. He is an open book and revealed many things of his past to me which I appreciate. But after finding out his complicated past, I don't know if I want a future with him. He had a history of dating complicated women. For instance, he had a bisexual girlfriend in the past who he let her "play" with her girlfriends while she is with him. He also had a girl who cheated on him having an orgy with 9 other guys. Another one who is a single mother. And another one who cheated on him with all her ex-boyfriends. He said he is free of STDs but deep inside, I don't believe him. Even if I insist on him getting checked for STDs before we have sex, there are some STDs that is not routinely screened and only the most common ones are tested by the doctor. I can use a condom to minimize the chances of getting anything from him but the condom must come off if I was to have kids (in the future). He also has a complicated past of childhood abuse and on top of the string of complicated relationships he had, I worry he might have mental instability (although, he act pretty normal when we hang out).
So, what do you think? Am I right to think this?
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14-07-13, 01:54 AM #1
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Boyfriend's complicated sexual background
Last edited by fearoflove; 14-07-13 at 02:36 AM.
A strong woman takes advantage of help she can get from people around her but she doesn't rely on them for anything
She uses logic and manages her emotions
She offers help either because it is a business transaction or out of kindness. It is never because she hopes others will return the favour or out of fear of losing them
She has her own mind and thinks for herself and knows that she has to be the one who bears the consequences of her decisions
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14-07-13, 02:01 AM #2
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Seems your "bf" is being true to his pattern by choosing you.
If you stay with him, it will be proof.“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
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14-07-13, 02:18 AM #3
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Another unhelpful post from Wakeup.
Originally Posted by Wakeup
Seems your "bf" is being true to his pattern by choosing you.
If you stay with him, it will be proof.A strong woman takes advantage of help she can get from people around her but she doesn't rely on them for anything
She uses logic and manages her emotions
She offers help either because it is a business transaction or out of kindness. It is never because she hopes others will return the favour or out of fear of losing them
She has her own mind and thinks for herself and knows that she has to be the one who bears the consequences of her decisions
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14-07-13, 02:23 AM #4
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Another trolling post from fear. Lordy, what a cycle..
"1,2,3,4.....The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power-drive!"
"Glory days/Well, they'll pass you by/Glory days"
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14-07-13, 02:29 AM #5
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I don't know why you keep insisting I am trolling. If you don't have something good to say, keep to yourself. Originally Posted by YoungCosmo
A strong woman takes advantage of help she can get from people around her but she doesn't rely on them for anything
She uses logic and manages her emotions
She offers help either because it is a business transaction or out of kindness. It is never because she hopes others will return the favour or out of fear of losing them
She has her own mind and thinks for herself and knows that she has to be the one who bears the consequences of her decisions
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14-07-13, 02:35 AM #6
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Lol u mad bro?
"1,2,3,4.....The highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power-drive!"
"Glory days/Well, they'll pass you by/Glory days"
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14-07-13, 03:44 AM #7
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If you were smart, you'd figure out that that post was very helpful. Originally Posted by fearoflove
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion
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14-07-13, 08:14 AM #8
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get rid of him. hes obviously attracted to the wrong type which means any girl who treats him right will be too boring.
"Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".
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14-07-13, 09:42 PM #9
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If he hasn't been tested recently, there's no way of knowing what he does or doesn't have. Many STDs can be asymptotic for a long period of time. You could always insist that he gets tested for all the diseases he can be tested for. If he has none of those, then the chances of him having other ones are probably much smaller. If he comes out having something and you know you don't want to put yourself at risk, that will answer your question.
You haven't said why you think he might be mentally unstable, but that seems like a bigger red flag to me than a person's past. That would be enough reason for me to hold off on having sex with someone for a while anyway. Figure out what type of a person you're dealing with before you get too involved.“This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.” ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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15-07-13, 04:31 AM #10
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Ask for him to get tested before you have sex, I think that is a good idea regardless. If they whimper then maybe not the one for you, if knowing for sure is a big thing for you, they should want to help settle your worries. On the other past relationship things, maybe don't judge on those but only how he is with you right now and if you don't like how you feel with him, then break up but not because of what he did in his past relationships.
“The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.”
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15-07-13, 06:24 AM #11
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Fear, do you honestly read your posts on here when you type them? Do me a favor and reread your original one all the way at the start of this thread... If you still feel like staying with him, maybe you should get yourself to a psychiatrist.
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21-07-13, 04:13 AM #12
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If his past bugs you, then drop him. You can't date someone you don't trust or are not 100% feeling it with.
Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.
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21-07-13, 04:32 AM #13
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As long as he is clean, then his sexual history shouldn't be a big deal. And there ARE ways to be sure he is clean of EVERYTHING. When you go get tested, you have to specify to them that you want to be screened for EVERYTHING, and they will. If this has to do with trust, then that's a whole other issue.
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21-07-13, 06:48 AM #14
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This is another well concealed "I don't trust him because of his past" posts. And yes, if he goes for an STD test and comes back clean, then you're pretty much certain that you're ok to go cowgirl on him. Unfortunately, you sound like you might be a bit neurotic and over-analytical, which makes you no less complicated than the rest.
Also, him having been with a bi girl really shouldn't be an issue, that was her lifestyle, not his. If he was ok with her playing on the side, then whatever. Still the past and has no bearing on your relationship. Also, a single mother? Single moms don't deserve any sort of happiness, **** her, him, and the horse he rode in on!
Realistically, who cares about his past relationships, if that is what you're basing your current relationship on - his failures, then you're pretty much screwed out of the gate. Start fresh, its a brand new game."All is fair in love and war." - Francis Edward Smedley
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21-07-13, 08:29 AM #15
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I believe the OP had announced in the chat box a few days ago they are no longer with their BF.
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