How to Read His Signs...and Move Forward!

[csandiegooo]

I had a brief but intense romance with a guy when I was studying abroad a few months ago. We knew each other from December 2012, but started dating at the end of March and continued until I left the country in May. The connection was really intense and passionate, probably elevated by the language/cultural barrier. Anyway, when I came home I realized I really wanted to see him again. Perhaps take a vacation together somewhere in the fall. From there, I don't know what would happen, but I would be open to the possibility of a long-distance relationship since we are both such avid travelers.

Anyway, I wrote him a letter detailing the feeling of "I want to see you again" (amongst other life updates of course, haha). I made no reference to relationships or love or anything like that, merely just that the idea of seeing him again made me really happy.

A few days ago I finally received his reply, and his section regarding "feelings" is very hard to read for me. It's as follows:

"I had always problems in this field because it was always hard for me to be attached to someone or to start having feelings in a certain way. It happened to me close relationships when I saw the other person starting feeling to much. I can sounds kind of sad but that’s what happened…and I don’t know why things went so often like this…if it’s just because I have such a thirst of adventures and novelty, if it’s because I’m traveling so much that I try to avoid this feelings, or if it’s just because I’m afraid of exposing myself too much (after a bad experience that I had with my first, and actually only real one, girlfriend)…I don’t really know, and probably it’s a mix of all this, and I never thought too much on that because I enjoyed like anyway and maybe even more.

But despite all this where I realize I just don’t know how to express myself properly I would be of course happy to see you again and I’m the last person which is afraid of some insignificant water!!"

I can't determine if he's preemptively saying that a relationship is out of the question or if he is saying that seeing me is an exception to this rule. (His english isn't making it much easier to determine haha!)

I know I should take it well that he is being so open with me and that he says he wants to see me again as well, but I now feel like I need to be careful in doing something that will seem intense and make him think things are moving too fast.

So, what I have come here to ask you guys is #1 What do you think he is trying to say here? #2 How can I reply to these sentiments in a way that will not "come on too strong" but still show my interest?

Thank you!!

[Cerby]

His reply is a cryptic message, but it appears he is saying that he doesn't have the feelings because that isn't what he is looking for. Here, this is my best interpretation:

"We had fun, but I knew it was a short term thing so I didn't let myself fall for you. However, if you come around again I'll gladly have sex with you again until you leave."


If you're going to show interest, do you have a plan to ensure you can actually see each other, or will it be an indeterminable long-distance thing?

[namemyname]

Yep - Cerby is right.

He's telling you he doesn't want a relationship, but if you want to shag again, he's up for it.

[csandiegooo]

His reply is a cryptic message, but it appears he is saying that he doesn't have the feelings because that isn't what he is looking for. Here, this is my best interpretation:

"We had fun, but I knew it was a short term thing so I didn't let myself fall for you. However, if you come around again I'll gladly have sex with you again until you leave."

If you're going to show interest, do you have a plan to ensure you can actually see each other, or will it be an indeterminable long-distance thing?

Well, I was going to suggest that we meet somewhere (maybe Dublin or London...) for a week during my break from university in October. The time and money are not an issue for me, and shouldn't be an issue for him since he is a freelance worker and it would cost him less than $100.00 to fly to either of those places, and then we'd split the cost of wherever we stayed. But now, I am worried that planning/bringing this up will all seem really intense/moving too fast/too serious types of things. But it's a lose-lose because it's impossible to make these plans without being concrete! :/

[smackie9]

So you are saying that you don't want to be too forward with hooking up again because you fear you will scare him away?

[smackie9]

Sorry GF but you need to put your hopes of a relationship with this guy away. There have been plenty of girls like you that think you could "convince" a guy into a relationship only to be sorely disappointed. There is nothing you can do......yes I agree it's a lose lose situation.

[TablesandChairs]

Don't put too much faith into him; if you want a shag and some fun times when you're travelling, he's your guy. Despite the language barrier, his message isn't cryptic at all - he says he likes novelty, doesn't want to commit but 'isn't afraid of some water' - so he'll meet you again no problem, he's a traveller...but don't expect too much in terms of a future relationship.

Don't read too much into it; he probably does this a lot.