Did I over react?

[jsw]

Hi everyone. Looking for advice.

I dated a girl casually for a little while last year. Things were good but she ultimately decided that she was still 'stuck in the past' which I suspected and we went our separate ways. We left it off that if she would like to seriously try again she could reach out and we can see where it goes.

I was lucky enough to have her reach out to me about 4 months ago and things were going great. She told me she was sorry for the way things went and that she had been thinking of how to get in touch with me. Everything I ever wanted. We decided to be exclusive after 2 months of dating- again everything I ever wanted seemed to be happening.

The problem started in July. We play 2 on 2 volleyball at the beach with friends on weekends sometimes. Saturdays are same sex teams and sundays are coed. We always said we would play together, but she has work on the weekends and would have to wait for a time she can get off.

Her ex boyfriend who is home from the army and I think was the one she was stuck in the past with apparently texted her asking to play volleyball. She signed up and got off work and played with him. She texted me repeatedly saying that I could trust her, but at the very least she took off work to hang out at the beach with an ex doing something I always wanted to do for her but never got to. I was upset but we didnt fight about it, just talked.

Then, we had plans the following saturday after she got off work to rock climb. She texted me in the morning on Friday saying that her friend wanted to play Saturday and that she got a cover. I was kind of mad because she now took off again for someone else but not when we had plans. I agree I overreacted a little about her playing with her friend, but it was left over feelings from when she played with her ex. She claims that it wasnt a big deal because she was still planning on hanging out with me at night, but the problem is whenever we play during the day we never go out at night because we are so tired (she went to bed at 930 the night she played with her ex).

Ultimately she broke up with me (figures) because she all of a sudden feels restricted and wants to be able to make plans with her friends without feeling guilty. I argue that if she feels guilty then there is something to feel guilty about. I also felt I had a point because I put everything out there for her but didnt feel she did the same. I also felt she shouldnt have said she wanted to be exclusive if she didnt want what comes with it, and that is not something you do in an exclusive relationship. She said she thinks she needs space and that this isnt what she wants right now.

Did I do something wrong? I admitted to her that I over reacted about her playing with her friend and that I wouldnt do it again, and that it was merely me reacting to left over anger about her playing on Sunday with her ex. i have never made her feel guilty for hanging out with other people before, and she has always gone out to the beach or bars with her friends without me and without me being upset

[Cerby]

Sounds like a case of "She just isn't that in to you".

[jsw]

Didnt answer my question, but thanks

[Cerby]

Didnt answer my question, but thanks

Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. It doesn't matter, she broke up with you. Personally I don't think you did as long as it isn't something you did on a recurring basis (which sounds like it isn't). So I think she was looking for something that entailed a "no BS" kind of casual relationship (whether exclusive or not), realized it wasn't going to be that easy and decided she wasn't all the interested.

Is that better?

[basilandthyme]

She can take time off work to play with her friends but won't do the same for you. This is the gist of the story, right?

If this is the case, you're better off without her. Find a girl who makes special time with you too.