The one question I wanted to ask.

[JonathanP]

Okay, So we have been dating for sometime. She has two kids and I have zero. I have all the intentions of having at least one kid and she is aware and willing as well. We talk about it from time to time. Then the other night she said something that sorta annoyed me. But let give you a quick summary.

Her late husband passed away in a car crash several years ago. She re-married and is now divorced with 2 kids.

The other night when she brought up names. She asks, "If it's a girl can we have her middle name as Smith? (Smith meaning the same last name as her late husband but Smith is not his real last name.) I sorta got annoyed and said that I did not like that because that is a child that we are going to make. Not You your late husband and I are making. Am I being selfish? I wasn't sure how to take that.

Anyone have any thoughts?

[whaywardj]

Why should you be annoyed at her wanting to honor someone she once loved before she even heard of you? What's the problem with you respecting her memories right along with her in the form of a simple namesake? What's the issue? Do you feel as if the namesake would be a brand of the other man on your child? What do you think you are dealing with here? Property?

[blue_moon2]

shes obvioudly just trying to respect her husband that she still misses.

you are not being selfish, but you may be over reacting!

[JonathanP]

Why should you be annoyed at her wanting to honor someone she once loved before she even heard of you? What's the problem with you respecting her memories right along with her in the form of a simple namesake?

Well that is why I am asking. I have never been confronted with an issue like this nor ever thought that this could happen. Although in honor of his memories she did change her middle name to his last.

[shh!]

Smith is a yucky middle name for a girl...

[whaywardj]

That's why I asked those questions. Ask yourself why it might disturb you. If you answer yourself honestly, I think you'll discover several reasons why -- all things being equal between the two of you -- it, really, shouldn't be an issue, but just one more thread in the tapestry of the future child's identity and family history. "Your mother once knew a man named Smith, and he could've been your father instead of me. But...And that's where your name came from." And so, the child's story unfolds.

[misombra]

i had a cat named smith. everyone called him smitty.

but yes, that's not a good name for a girl.

and how is it honoring a dead person to give a child that's not even theirs their name? i don't get it. i don't blame him for his annoyance.

[shh!]

I don't know that I'd be particularly threatened by her asking, but I still wouldn't do it. Really, both of you ought to have veto power for any name(s) that are suggested.

[whaywardj]

Clearly, shh! and misombra, you're both wrong.

[shh!]

Oh please, do explain why! I can use a good excuse to smack you down!
:-D

[whaywardj]

I dunno. I was just trying to imitate OV.

[Asip4u]

I dunno. I was just trying to imitate OV.

lol...yea it did sound like that

[misombra]

...loooooooooving you has made my life sweeter than eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever...

[whaywardj]

Misombra's been to the medicine cabinet again, I see. Oughtta put a lock on that thing.

[shh!]

And I thought I was bored! Poor 'sombra...