Friends or Best of both worlds??

[okwhat2013]

Just to give another perspective. I do think you can be friends with her. A child seeing both their parents together is a HUGE deal. If you stop all "non-friend" contact and especially if you find someone else you get over her. It's possible you may never but that would be the exception. Do you still have a good time spending time with her without the possibility of physical contact? If so, why do you have to stop? Do the pros out weigh the cons? I mean being great friends with the mother of your child is different than just some random girl. However, word of caution, odds are once you start seeing someone else romantically she is not going to like it. Good luck.

[brokensoul1]

Well from how she has been talking she would be fine with me being with someone else as us being friends. I on the other had would by jealous or what not if she was seeing someone else.

Things are fine with her in person since she told me she doesn't want to be with me. She just talks away as if nothin happened whereas I forget from time to time. And I've been a little quiet with her this morning...
She wouldn't say if she wanted me to go herself or not tonight for drinks, I think she was being polite. But I also think if I Hang around with her ill get wrong idea all the time and I told her this last night.


Also Michelle, I was talkin to an ex (not serious) about this and she is in same position except she is the one who wants to be with him and she pretty much told him what you said I should say. Not sure if its workin for her or not

[michelle23]

what do you mean?

It is your decision. If you tell her you dont want to be her best friend, then she needs to respect that so does your ex's friend.

[brokensoul1]

i know its my decision, i meant im not sure how it worked out with the ex telling the guy who wants to be friends that she doesnt want that.

[michelle23]

Her last texts she said she doesn't like me being sad. Then she said don't be worrying about things that may or may not happen never know what's around the corner. Then I left it at that coz I'm prob buggin her at this stage

That is mixed signals. She is not being fair to you. You need to tell her that

[brokensoul1]

I'm half tempted just to go to the pub and get her friend to tell me what's wrong with her cause its alot of messing and mixed signals :-s

Not sure if I said this at the start but only last weekend she was askin why am I with her was it for the right reasons and asking questions about my ex, asking about how I feel and everything then she says she needs us to go slow till she knows how she feels but two days later she decided she doesn't see it working. It's a big mess as I dunno what to think to be honest as she changed her mind so quickly kinda done a 180

[brokensoul1]

Also another thing from last weekend. Was out with her and her best friend and they went off dancing and got talkin to her friends bf about her. He said from what he hears is that I need to stop being like our child's father and more like her boyfriend. Obviously he heard from her friend. Then I brought it up and that's when she said I never "hug" her and how I never tell her how I feel about things. My response was we are going slow so was playing it cool ;s
I'm sure it's getting Clearer now why I'm finding this whole thing hard.

[michelle23]

Have you told her that you love her and want a future with her?

It sounds like she thinks you are only with her coz of your kid. Have you told her that is not true?

This is really complicated and confusing. Maybe you should sit down and ask her to cut the crap, ask what is going on in her head, tell her you are getting mixed signals and you dont want to play this game anymore. All you want to know for sure is: is there a future for you and her? yes or no? Tell her this is the last time you are gonna try so she needs to cut all the BS and let you know what is really going on in her head.

Why the heck would she try to set you up with her friend? Id say its a test-don't fall for it. I dont know about anyone else but I would NEVER want my kids father to date one of my friends even if I had no feelings for him.. Too weird

[brokensoul1]

No no she is not tryin to set me up with her friend. What happened was when she asked did I wanna go for drinks I asked would it not be weird and asked did she want me to or just being polite. Her reply was that we are out anyways so why not and her friend was asking was I going and she really likes me. Her friend has a boyfriend. She meant likes me as a friend but to be honest that's weird I've only seen that one three times so was a weird reply and she didn't answer if SHE wanted me to go.

[brokensoul1]

And I didn't exactly say to her "I love you" but I told her I was falling for her really bad. Told er how she makes me feel and how happy I am around her and that i can be myself with her. And I made it clear I wasn't there just for the sake of being with someone and not because we have a child together.

[brokensoul1]

Oh and about how we were together as a couple/family it was amazing, at first we weren't kissing or cosy when our child was present few sneaky kisses wen she was out of the room. Then the sex was pretty hot and there was alot of it. We talked for hours and watche our favourite shows together.

Sorry for three quick posts couldn't remember what was said in all replies and there's no edit button on this app

[michelle23]

Im not sure what advice to give really. I think if you are still confused about how she feels-you need to ask her. If you are sure she doesnt want a future with you, then you need to tell her you cant be friends.

[brokensoul1]

well i'll just go tonight and see how we get on then maybe ill go to the pub and maybe more will become clear, maybe her friend can enlighten me on one or two things.

:-( i guess its hurting me alot because i wanted her for so long that i thought if we ever tried then it would definetly work out and it kinda ended so briefly

[michelle23]

do whatever you need to do. At some point though you may need to accept it wont happen and start moving on

[brokensoul1]

So was out with her for the show and don't think I was nice company. I reluctantly went to the pub and I was pretty quiet all night blah blah onto night club we talked abit had but f laugh but I knew I had big sad head on me her friend said I looked sad. So told the ex I was just guna go home(ten minutes befor the club ended) and gave her a hug which seemed to last for ever. I stopped to say I was abit sad and she seemed sad herself then we hugged another while and then I just walked out.

We did talk about things before the show and she said she hadn't really thought about the friends things that she was going on about so it's all clear now it's over and I will be able to move on knowing Its definetly over