Losing Contact with Him

[EmmyBelle]

I was in an LDR for about 6 months with a guy who I loved very much. He wasn't very nice to me though. He would complain that I wouldn't give him enough attention, but when we would skype, he would ignore me and game and talk obnoxiously with his friends instead. He was also always horny, and would get annoyed if I wasn't in the mood to dirty talk. If something went wrong, or beyond out control, he'd blame me. Sounds horrible, right? The thing that made me crazy about him is that he is good with words, and when he would treat me all lovey-dovey, he would make me feel like I'm special, and he cares about me.

He dumped me in February, and I've been a mess since then, although I HAVE gotten better. He left me because he said he wanted something "physical and real." I totally get the fact that LDR's are hard without the physical aspect, but this is a guy who is crazy about sex and would mount and do anything with a vagina.

5 days later after he dumped me, he got a new girlfriend. They dated on/off. And now, he has a new girlfriend he got last week. We don't talk as much, but when we do talk he always tries to weasel dirty pictures out of me. Even a couple weeks after he dumped me. Throughout our relationship, he would add beautiful women on facebook and like all of their pictures, but he would constantly tell me that I could not flirt with any men other than him. His jealousy was so intense, that he didn't even like the fact of me hanging out with guy friends who were gay or had girlfriends. I know this sounds silly, but the fact that he kept adding local models and sexy college students to his facebook brought my self esteem down to an all time low. It made me feel ugly, unwanted, uninteresting and jealous. He still continues to do this, only he's added some of my pretty female friends on Facebook too.

I'm not sure what I should do. I deleted his number from my phone. I don't really want to delete him from Facebook because that's really the only thing left we'd have to communicate with. It's hard see his girlfriend post to his profile, saying how amazing he is and how she loves to spend the night with him, blah blah blah. It kills me, really. But at the same time, just seeing his name pisses me off. The only reason I feel like I need to keep him on is hoping one day he will see what he missed out on with me, and maybe we could try again. He said "maybe we can try this again in a year or two" when he dumped me.

I don't know, something tells me I deserve someone so much better. I've been really focusing on myself the past months. Starting dieting and doing my favorite hobbies which helps. I still get in lovesick rutt over him, usually every night before I go to bed. I hate him, but I love him. I want to just hit him as hard as I can, I want him to feel the pain he put me through. I want to tell him how angry he makes me and how much I love(d) him and how much he hurt me. I'm penting up all of my anger and sadness and depression, because my friends do not like to hear me talk about it. They just simply say "He's an a**hole, you can do better" But the thing is, I know I can do better. It's just the healing process that's hard. Please tell me what should I do?

[VincenzoG91]

Date locally. This long-distance online only stuff is a waste of time. Cut off all contact, keep busy with other stuff in your life, like friends, family, work and hobbies. Dieting alone will just slow your metabolism down, so you should try to also get exercise, because that will also help you emotionally. In time, you will feel better about yourself and your life, and then you're ready to date. Just make sure that you date locally.

[basilandthyme]

Emmy, pretend someone else wrote your post and give advice to her.

[VerticalMoon]

I don't really want to delete him from Facebook because that's really the only thing left we'd have to communicate with.

The only reason I feel like I need to keep him on is hoping one day he will see what he missed out on with me, and maybe we could try again. He said "maybe we can try this again in a year or two" when he dumped me.

No wonder you're still not over him! It's really hard to get over somebody when you're still communicating with them regularly. Cutting off contact completely is by far the best way to start breaking off the cycle. Even if the things that were posted on Facebook weren't breaking your heart, I'd still say you really need to delete him. Keeping contact with an ex you have feelings for is not a good idea.

Why are you even hoping he'll be interested in you again? You know he's a dickwad. He'll still be a dickwad even if he comes back to you in a year or two, which is doubtful that he would. There are plenty of better guys out there. As long as you choose to hold on to the hope that he might come back, you're not going to be able to let go of your feelings. You need to make the decision to let go completely. That means giving up the idea that he might change his mind about your, or that he'd even want to.

Once you decide you want him completely gone from your life for good and delete his Facebook, you'll start to get over him. It won't be immediate, but in another month or two, you'll be feeling much better. If you make the choice to keep him in your life, then your heart's going to keep aching. It's your decision.

[4 ratties]

Yuck cut all ties with this guy. He is a pig. Idk why u want anything to do with him. Must be your young age

[madelinel]

If you really want to move on and get over him, the first thing you should do is to delete him from your facebook. Seeing pictures of him and his gf will only make you feel worse. I have been there before. Every day I will go to his facebook and see what has been up to. Sometimes I go check his fb every other hour. This is not healthy. It is not helping you in any way at all. Try to focus on your work and meet new friends

[milliondollar]

cut ties with him

[kimhotcake]

I was in a very similar situation for a while where I was in love with a guy who didn't love me back. Best advice I ever got was to cut ties with him. I felt instantly better when I deleted him off Facebook. It's so easy, just a click...you can deal with the emotions after.

[EmmyBelle]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I just deleted him. I'm sad, but in the end, it's gonna help me.

[kimhotcake]

Good for you!!!

[billyking]

He sounds dirty in the wrong kind of way.

It could be that he was desperately trying to make you jealous and win you back by liking and dating other girls. But if he is obsessed with sex it sounds like he just views you as a vagina that happens to be able to speak.