Long distance dilemma

[Kat2047]

Hey. So I've had a boyfriend for over two years now. We met online and talked for a year before we decided to meet up in real life. After that we stayed together, and we see each other about every 3 months. He lives in USA and I live in Norway. We don't complain, and its not that bad. We kind of decided our future, we go to college and I take an exchange student year in his town, then we switch and he does the same the next year, then we figure out how we are going to continue our relationship (who moves where). But.. There's one problem. I know what I want in life, I'm going to college and I'm going to work my butt of to pass. I have friends and go out once in awhile, to say it simply "I have a life". After high school my boyfriend and I both failed our GED, and had to take up some exams to get the high school diploma, so basically we've been sitting home for a year doing nothing. We passed. I got my friends back and got my life back together after sitting in my room for a year doing nothing. Tho.. He didnt. I feel like I'm the "man" in the relationship, I'm deciding everything, every decision goes on me even when it comes to his ownlife. I convinced him to go to college, I convinced him to go out with friends. He says "he doesn't care about his life, and he only needs me".. He says he doesn't need friends or anything else. He doesn't care about his life, he's only doing something because I'm "pushing" him to do it. I'm not trying to change him, he's a wonderful boyfriend, but all those things about him not caring about life, getting friends and getting his life back together goes over me and our relationship. He's not controlling, but I can't tell him if I'm going out with friends because he gets upset and depressed. He doesn't really have anything to tell me, I always tell him stories or something that happen, he just says "mhm" and that's the end of the conversation. I know the reason to all this, I've been there myself but I got myself back together and changed my life, he's been sitting in his room without going out for so long, that he lost all his interests in life. He has no hobbies and no intentions to find a goal in his life. I don't know what to do anymore, if he's like this now, it's just gonna get worse later on. What to do? :/ I love him way too much to let go, we've been through way too much. (Sorry for my bad English). I've been reason on many forums and the only people say is "let go of him, he will never change" but I don't want him to change, I want him to be happy, have a goal in his life and do something. He has people who he can ask out, he got into college, he has money and everything he needs except for willing and interest in what he got.

[basilandthyme]

but I don't want him to change, I want him to be happy, have a goal in his life and do something. He has people who he can ask out, he got into college, he has money and everything he needs except for willing and interest in what he got.

Kat, you DO want him to change. All those things you list require a personality change on his part and he's simply not willing to do it.

Perhaps someone here can describe it in a way to help you understand, but overall I believe you're going to hear more of the "time to leave him" advice.

[okwhat2013]

Sometimes it gets really tired to read a post that starts out with "we've been online..." the main reason is relationships are very hard. Online relationships seem to waste precious time because every relationship with minimal contact allows for the relationship to last/take longer to resolve than it should. Long distance relationships?? Well you have better of laid down some serious groundwork before adding the distance. I'm sorry, it just seems soooo many people are wasting time trying to make on-line and long distance relationships work.

[smackie9]

Tell him you only have time to send an email one in awhile, because you are so busy with all these new and exciting things you are doing in your life. In your emails, you can send pictures and write about what you have been up to......that hopefully will inspire him to get going with his life. Feeling sorry for him and reassuring him will increase his co-dependency for this relationship and he will stay in the same state he is in now....he will never change.. You kinda need to put the fear into him, to motivate him.