Advice needed for awkward situation!

**Supersweet26** · 20-07-13, 01:09 AM

Not going to get into too many details cos it would take me all night to write!
Been with my partner for over 12yrs, had bad patch last yr I slept with someone else on a break ended up pregnant. We got back together had the baby. The problem is the guy has never quite gone away he always stayed in touch I didn't see him after I found out I was pregnant and didn't tell him until a few weeks b4 I had baby. He has asked to see me loads but I've always made my excuses. I don't kno if he has put dates together and knows there's a chance the baby's his or if he still likes me? Or is it a booty call thing? I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it but there's something about him that I just can't get over

the chemistry between us was amazing! Wouldn't a guy have moved on after over a year from seeing you?
What does it mean that he still messages me? I'm confused by my own feelings because he makes my heart jump never felt like it b4 even after a year of not seeing him! I just don't know what to do I'm not unhappy with my partner but can't get him out my head

what should I do!?

**VerticalMoon** · 20-07-13, 05:16 AM

Just block this guy from calling you so he can't keep getting back into your life. Things seem incredible with him because you weren't together long enough to get past the fantasy stage of the relationship. If he came back, you'd most likely find that you don't want to be with him. If your partner of 12 years has the things you want, then don't throw all of that for a guy who likely won't last a year. Just stop taking his calls and messages.

lalalita · 20-07-13, 05:35 AM

Does your boyfriend know that there is a chance the baby is not his?

**michelle23** · 20-07-13, 07:43 AM

i think its wrong that you are robbing your baby the chance to get to know his/her real father.. that is a bigger issue..

why did you get back with your partner? its not fair to be with him playing happy families when you are secretly craving the other guy.

this situation is too messy and too complicated to get advice on a forum. theres a lot at stake and you need to get your priorities straight

get some individual counselling now. figure out what you want. if you decide to stay with your partner get relationship counselling. you need to stop thinking the grass is greener and appreciate what you do have if you want this yo work

its true the chances of things working out with the other guy are slim. most relationships end within the first year.. the fact your still with your partner fter 12 years says a lot and it would be v difficult to find someone like him who ticks all the boxes

**Supersweet26** · 20-07-13, 09:52 PM

In reply to Michelle:
I know it's really bad thing and never thought I would be in a position like this. My partner is an excellent dad we have another daughter together and he is fab that's partly why I haven't said is for my baby's sake I know she will always be loved and cared for if anything happened to me. My first thoughts at the time was to be honest but I was told I would be mad to say anything. Even now I'm told not to it would be stupid.
I didn't do what I did for no reason either I stood by this guy through thick and thin and there's been a lot. It was a year before it happened that he ruined all my trust (whole other story lol) put doubt into everything.
He wanted the baby he manipulated me for days!
I got bk with him because of the whole situation he promised to change and my head was all over the place it was the easiest thing to do at the time.
Thanks for the advice I agree with what you say just needed some outsider advice cos u can b so blind when your in it. Thank you

Vertical moon: I know I've done that I ignored his calls he don't really bother calling now. I'm ok then I get a msg and feel bk to square one.

**michelle23** · 20-07-13, 10:19 PM

Look hun if you are not happy and only staying for the kids sake then you are wasting your life. Your kids will be happy as long as your happy and as long as they have both parents in their life and feel loved. That is all kids want and need.

My guess is your partner hurt you badly, you left him, didnt want him back, fell pregnant and ran home out of fear? If that is the case then you are not scared anymore, you are stronger now so what are you waiting for?

If this relationship is bad, no trust, all sorts of problems then maybe you should consider walking away. If you are not happy in your primary relationship and you cannot fix it, then you will always be tempted by others.

Sometimes it is better to cut your losses.

I dont know your full story. Only you can decide what is best for you and you should seek professional help if you cant make a decision on your own

I really wish you mentioned earlier about your partner betraying and hurting you. My advice probably would have been different if you did.

Good luck

**michelle23** · 20-07-13, 10:34 PM

BTW the truth always comes out in the end. You wouldn't realize how many kids lives have been ruined when they are told on their 18th or 21st birthday that the man who reared them may not be their real dad. I see it on Jeremy Kyle all the time (reality program).

Perhaps you should forget both men. Focus on being on your own for awhile with your kids, heal after everything you have been through, make sure to get DNA results so you know the truth and can offer the father a chance to be involved. When you are ready and in a better place emotionally, you can move on and fall in love again.

Just a suggestion. That is what I would do if I was in your shoes.. And further down the line, you could think of a possible relationship with the other guy

**Supersweet26** · 21-07-13, 01:31 AM

Michelle: that's often the case but its not all doom I'm happy most of time! It's just he does things every now and the but don't all men?!
That was kinda the case but it was mainly the promise of change! I don't feel stronger tbh! :/
I have found this last few years I've looked at other men more where as b4 I'd never notice cos I was so wrapped up with him! The thing about him betraying me that was so bad was he lied even tho I had proof. I still nearly believed his lies but couldn't deny it as it was in black and white! It's made me think of all the times in the past he has been the same! He probs lied to me since the start!?
I can't even watch that show anymore! Makes me feel even more guilty! I hate myself for it!

I've thought that but think ill be crap on my own! The thing that's made me stick with it is the kids my parents split when I was about 12 and I hated them being apart! Took it got granted waking up to them both in same house etc... And my dad wasn't even that nice! Lol
I wouldn't want to offer the other guy a chance cos I don't trust he wouldn't let her down. He plays mind games!
I think I'll just plod on with it keep trying and completely block the other guy or change my number! It's harder to forget him when things are bad at home so need to focus on that! I love my partner even when I wasn't in love Ill always care for him!

**michelle23** · 21-07-13, 01:53 AM

it sounds like your settling coz you have a fear of being on your own.. being alone can be the best thing you could do for yourself as when your lonely or desperate you attract the worst types of people. when your happy on your own-it means you sset your standards higher and be more fussy till the right person comes along.

i would never forgive betrayal or broken trust coz i know there are better men out there. again that is settlig.

ask yourself would you prefer if your parents stayed together, were completely miserable, not in love and prob having affairs? Growing up in a home seeing no affection, feeling the tension everyday.. Thats not good for the kids

staying just for them should not be an option

**YungCertified** · 21-07-13, 01:57 AM

does michelle have a life?

**michelle23** · 21-07-13, 02:20 AM

What things does he do OP every now and then that you believe all men do?

**4 ratties** · 21-07-13, 02:31 AM

You should go be with the baby daddy. Let your boyfriend be with someone fully commited to him and knows how to use flipping birth control when there on a "break."

**Supersweet26** · 21-07-13, 03:19 AM

Just things like he is always late for important things but is on time for his own plans, never tidys after himself, if I pull him on something he don't agree on he gets very defensive and can be quite nasty, loads of little things nothing big normal man things lol

@4 ratties: my bf/ fiancée could well be the dad! Ive been fully committed to him all along I haven't seen the other guy since I found out I was pregs that well over a year ago now!
I was using birth control, I was on the pill. You seem to judge quite harshly I do hope you never find yourself in a bad situation and get judged by someone like urself.

**Supersweet26** · 23-07-13, 05:55 PM

Just silly things he can be inconsiderate and selfish at times.

I was on the pill actually!

**michelle23** · 23-07-13, 06:13 PM

Are you happy? Do you love him? Do you want a future with him?

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