The Path of Solitude?

[Fringe Dweller]

Hello,

I need some advice about something that has been pervading my every thought. I'm not sure where to start but I guess the main problem is that I have been single for so long now and, despite my somewhat serious attempts to rectify the situation in recent years only to be met with failure - I find myself resenting women intensely. Maybe that's not the right way of putting it but I can't understand why I can't get a girlfriend when every time I walk down the street I see average looking men with attractive girlfriends. It's not like I have image problems or anything and the few women that I've told how long I've been single for have always responded with surprise and they can't figure out why it's been so long for me - every one has said "Wow! but your not ugly, why?" Having a woman say things like that only frustrates me more and in the end I'm left feeling like I'm strapped into a bed on a hot summers night with a million blankets on and no matter how hard I try I can't get out from under them. It's the most horrible feeling that has become all pervasive and I often find myself cursing the opposite sex for forcing me to walk the path of solitude.

At the same time I want to to find somebody that I can share my life and be happy with. So you can imagine how my internal debate rages between these conflicting emotions I have about women.

Basically, I've been single for almost 9 years now. I haven't been in a relationship since I was 20 with no prospects of that changing before I turn 30 it seems. For many years I suppressed my want for a girlfriend after my last relationship ended, I was hurt and angry and so used those feelings to convince myself that I didn't need a girlfriend. So 7 years pass and I focus on other areas of life such as work and saving up for a house etc... while neglecting my personal life. Then one day I meet this girl while playing an online game and we immediately hit it off. Not long after we met I had to go away for a while without my computer so we exchanged numbers and over the next few months got to know each other very well. She was saying stuff like "I'm so grateful to have you in my life" and "I consider you my best ever friend" and we had nicknames for each other and all that stuff. Hell, we even fooled around (well, as best as you can over Skype) a few times and things were pretty good. We decided to meet up in real life (she lived over 600km away so it wasn't straightforward) and everything went well - we were talking and having just as much fun as we had together online but at the end of the date I hesitated to kiss her because among other things I had discovered she had a boyfriend she didn't tell me about and wasn't sure of the right move to make so I just gave her a hug. Anyway, things seemed to rapidly deteriorate after that and she later told me that on our real life date she thought that I didn't like her. Which was totally wrong but things never went back to how they were and in the end she said she just wanted to be friends.

A shattering revelation for me as I can't understand why someone would say the things she said, essentially promising me the world and all only to abandon me at the moment of truth. I feel like every second spent getting to know this girl was a complete waste of time. After that, despite feeling crushed, I decided to make a more active effort to finding a girl in my local area. Being a non drinker and generally hating pub life combined with the fact that I work with my dad in the construction industry (not many women there) make it hard for me to meet new potential partners. About 3 years ago I moved to a new town 600km from where I used to live and other than family I don't know anyone here, further compounding the problem. So I tried online dating and didn't have any luck so gave that up and deleted my account. I tried joining the local circus, so I'm learning heaps of cool stuff like trapeze, tightrope, juggling and doing gymnastics which is heaps of fun as I'm quite athletic anyway and my job is physically demanding which keeps me fit. Sure, I've met some new people and even exchanged numbers with a girl I met this way who lives out of town. I said we should meet up for coffee next time she's in town and she said yes. The next time she was in town she messaged me and suggested we see a movie but I was still finishing up at work and wouldn't have been able to get ready in time before it started so I had to decline. Our messaging stopped not long after but we are still friendly and chat when we see each other.

I got friendly with another girl I met in town and I asked her out at work in front of co-workers but she declined. So that's pretty much the story of my love life for the past 9 years. I just want some help figuring out how to get out of this situation. I'm not going to go to the local clubs and pubs on my own and sit there and not drink in an attempt to meet women. That's just got creepy written all over it. I've also tried advertising for housemates in an effort to expand my social horizons still with no luck.

Do I find another class to join or activity/group to go to in an effort to find someone? I just did a job like 70km's from town on a farm in the middle of nowhere and the young farmer there had a beautiful wife. If he can find someone and get married out in the middle of nowhere then surely there's hope for me living in a town with 100,000 people.

Sorry for the long rambling rant but I've been in isolation here since I moved towns and I'm stuck for what to do next. I guess I am more of an introvert than an extrovert but I certainly don't lack the social skills needed to talk to people and it's not my looks as far as I can tell. Also like I said, this has become the dominant concern in my life right now and I think about it all the time - at work, at home and everywhere else. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and it's a mentally draining way to live. I'm really not having much luck finding let alone seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Any advice?

[smackie9]

Go onto E harmony.