I am lost

[Knoxane]

So pretty much I dated a guy for a year in the end it didnt work. I loved him but he had no respect for me and it was time I left and I did. It was the hardest thing. I managed to rekindle old friendships and I was making steady progress. Until a few weeks ago..

I contacted my ex thinking it was a good idea and we started talking again soon enough the old stuff started again, fighting over every little thing...surprise surprise...
Anyway so the other day my ex had asked me about the past six months and if i dated people etc and so i admitted to my ex that during the six months we broke up I had slept with another person but only once. He was very hurt by this and asked me to let him go home. I knew he would be upset and I let him go thinking that he would think things over and come to me to talk about it when he was ready. Well instead he attacked me with some really hurtful texts and when i stopped replying to them he called and when i answered he acted like he didnt say any of the things he texted. Claiming he was sorry and he was just angry and he didnt mean them....but the damage was done and it made me realize that he doesnt care about me like i would like to think and that I should leave the situation with him and never look back. We havent hung out since but I am still talking to him and I do not know why.

Then the other night I had a little get together at my house with a few friends from school. Now there is one of my friends whom I have always been close with and we have had a connection. But he has a serious relationship he is in anyways one thing led to another and we ended up kissing and he admitted his feelings about me. Now he wants to meet up and talk more about this.

As for me I dont want either of the two of these men. My ex and I will never work and he makes me upset. This other guy although he seems like he cares about me I do not want to have anything with him besides a friendship. I understand we have a connection I just dont see myself with him.

I also feel as though career wise I am lost too, I was always convinced going into one direction and that is what I knew was right for me and what I wanted I had my mind set but, within a day flat I realized my career choice wasnt the best option and requires lots of money and little pay. So now I have to reevaluate what I want to do as a career as well..

Anyways I feel like I have lost all sense of direction in my life these past few weeks. Sometimes I feel like I dont know who I am anymore because what I think I would do well I end up doing the opposite. How can I wrong these rights and find myself again. I feel as though I just want to run away from all my problems. I just want to be single right now and figure myself out and make new friends.

[Cerby]

Ok, well, cut the ex off, and don't be foolish and think things can "change", the rarely do. Do not contact him again, ever. Pretend like the thing with the other guy never happened, and if he asks for more, tell him it just isn't what you're looking for right now.

The challenge is the career part. At one point in my life I had a college education and a job I hated, one day I just walked away from it, found a job for less pay where I was happy with no responsibility. At the time I was scared and didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be the best decision career-wise of my life. 9 years there, working in management, back to school for a new program, and loving life. It all started with simply walking away from the life I didn't like or want.

It doesn't work for everyone, but what it does show that you can only change if you take the initiative to do so. Right now you haven't made that decision, so I recommend you sit down and write your professional feelings on paper, and see if you are just in a phase, or if you really need to make a change.

[michelle23]

A relationship where there is lots of arguing or fighting is not a healthy one. That in itself is enough to realize that you two should not be together. Cut all contact with him and forget about him.. It just takes time. You will get over him.

Why are you kissing other girls men? That is wrong! Tell this friend you don't wana be his friend anymore either as he should be focusing on his girlfriend, not looking over the fence thinking the grass is greener with you.

[VerticalMoon]

I take it you're between the ages of 16 and 24? If so, everything you're going through right now is completely normal for that age group. The modern world offers us so many choices that it takes a while to find the right one. Most people go through a couple of bad relationships before finding the right now, and change their mind about their career path a couple of times before finding the right one. It can be frustrating not being able to see the future and knowing where you'll end up, and often not even knowing which way to go. But you just have to learn to live with the ambiguity. You'll figure things out, but it doesn't always happen over night.

Since you've brought up a few different issues, I'll address each one separately starting with your ex. I think you already know the answer to this one. You shouldn't be talking to him. It just leads to complications, and you were doing better when he was out of your life. So go back to no contact. You've managed it once before, so you'll manage it again once you decide you have to.

As for your friend, you should just tell him that you're not interested, and that it's best if you don't spend any time alone together. Aside from the fact that he's not what you want, he's not even available as he has a girlfriend. That is a route you DON'T want to go down. Things would get complicated and messy very quickly. Besides if he's cheating on her, he's likely to cheat on you. Do yourself a favor and just stay away from all of that.

The career issue comes back to what I said before about not knowing where you're going. If you're hoping to find something, then start researching careers that interest you. If you don't know what you're interested in, you can google "free career aptitude" test and find tests that will help you match your skills and interests with career ideas. If you're in school, you can probably meet with a counselor at your school who may be able to help as well.

Just breathe, and try to take everything one step at a time. None of what you're going through right now is really as bad as it seems. You're just moving a few steps closer toward finding your path in life. If you find out the decisions you make are the wrong ones, you can always go back and change them later. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out.