I'm not good with women so I appologize if these are simple questions

[wilfredketchum]

A couple nights ago, I asked a girl to go to lunch with me. She said she was busy during the day but wanted to grab dinner later that night if that works for me. I wasn't busy so I agreed. We've been ok friends for a little while, and we have actually been to the same restaurant with each other a couple times before. I never knew though if she took it as a date or what but I have always enjoyed her company. Anyways, dinner went well and I asked her if she wanted to grab a couple drinks afterwards. She agreed, and we stayed at the bar for a couple hours before going our separate ways. It was a pleasant time I thought.

I received a text from her about an hour later saying she had a really good time that night, and that she wanted to go to this club with me later this week. I took that as a good sign, told her that I had fun as well and that I look forward to going out with everyone. She didn't respond but it was late at night and I just thought she fell asleep or something. I texted her the next day about an inside joke, but didn't receive a response until about three hours later after I sent it, and her response was very plain which I didn't really know how to respond to. It wasn't anything bad, just plain is the best way to describe it. Usually we send fun, flirty texts back and forth but I figured because it took her so long to respond (and what she sent wasn't much of a response at all), that I better not ruin it before we go out later in the week. So I decided just to not respond. That was yesterday, and I thought maybe I'd hear something from her since then but I've heard nothing at all.

I'm almost positive that I am just thinking way too much into this, but wanted to run it by you all first for clarification. The "I had a really good time tonight" text is definitely a good sign right? I paid for the dinner, and she paid for the drinks at the bar (we only got two large beers between us so it wasn't much at all, and she offered to pay that so I let her). I'm not sure what justifies a date being a date, but do you think she took it that way? Also, what should I think about the minimal communication we have had since then? I thought it was a little odd, but am I thinking too much into it? Afterall, it has only been like a day and a half or so since we went out together. Should I be the one to get in touch with her tomorrow about going out, or should I wait for her to contact me?

Sorry if this all seems like simple stuff, but I have never been great with women and wanted to get advice on these situations from other people who I'm sure at better at this than me. Thanks for the help!

[wilfredketchum]

Anyone? Bueller?

[namemyname]

You blew it when she said she wanted to go to the club with you, and you said you were looking forward to going out with EVERYONE.

You friendzoned her.

[4 ratties]

I agree with the poster above.. Saying u can't wait to go out with everyone made her not feel special and made her take a step back. I'm sure she has seen all these dinner dates as dates. And yes it was a good sign she sent u a text afterwards saying it was great. I would send her a text tomorrow and make her feel special again. And try to make it more about her, then all your friends, if your wanting a relationship with her.

[Jffs24]

^ agrees. She asked you out for a second date and you made it like you have other prospects and not ALL IN to her. It's an easy fix. Show you are into her.

[Rhapsodyinblue9]

Agreed, she probably thinks YOU didn't consider it a date. The fact that she texted you after your date-not-date says to me that she definitely considered that a date. However, by saying "everyone"...she probably thinks you didn't find it nice to be out with her and were only letting her down nicely.

[wilfredketchum]

Sorry I should have been more clear. I actually had to edit that sentence when I was writing it and meant to exclude the word "everyone" as I never mentioned going with other people in my response.

What happened was that during dinner I mentioned going out Thursday. We had not planned where we were going or who was coming with, but I inferred that she meant with a group of people only because every other time we have gone out together has been with an entire group.

So having said that, where do I stand?

[searock]

What happened was that during dinner I mentioned going out Thursday. We had not planned where we were going or who was coming with, but I inferred that she meant with a group of people only because every other time we have gone out together has been with an entire group.

Yeah so basically you did say "everyone" (or inferred it). She was asking you out for a second date just you and her, but you told her "yeah sure I would love to go out with our group of friends". You made her feel not special.

Think of something else to do after Thursday (like a concert or a movie or something) and ask her to go with you. Make sure you mention the word "date".

[surfhb2]

Youre ok with this one. Just call her next (DON'T TEXT) and saying something like "we still on for our date"!

If she had an issue with that then she'll get over it soon enough

[wilfredketchum]

God damn this girl is hard to read.

So I called her earlier today about going out tonight and it was something similar to as I thought- us 2 and a group of our friends. She seemed excited to meet up though. We meet there. I arrived before she did but when she got there she was really standoffish. We exchanged a few jokes here and there, and when we did converse it seemed like everything was fine, but that wasn't very often. The whole group decides to go to a different place though and I agree to go too, thinking she would come as well. I got to the bar and the car I thought she was in arrived shortly after, but she wasn't with them. She didn't show up at all, and when I asked her friends what happened to her, they said she wasn't feeling well and decided to go home. That was very odd in my head. Why did she not tell me? Why would she even go out in the first place if she wasn't feeling well? I texted her asking if she was alright. She responded that everything was ok and that she just wasn't feeling well. It kinda stuck in my head until I decided to go home. Me being the idiot that I am, however, decided to call her on my way home and ask her to come with me to pick up a CD tomorrow (I won a CD over the radio tonight and it was kind of a joke between us all that I actually won it). This was on my way home. She didn't answer so I sent her a text explaining why I called and just left it at that. She hasn't responded and I'm guessing it is because she is asleep but still, I feel like I made a mistake asking her. It almost seemed desperate on my part I thought.

I feel like I am in too deep now and need to explain the background story to this all. She was dating this guy for a few years, and the latter part of the relationship was constant off and on, breaking up with each other and her dealing with him cheating on her. I'd imagine she is pretty broken up by this but I have never taken it into consideration until now. See when her two friends went to the bathroom, I was left sitting there with her best friend's bf and I asked him what was up with this girl. He explained that he honestly had no idea. It seemed to him like me and her always have a good time together and if he had to give it a guess, its that she is torn up because of this guy and just needs some kind of reassurance that it won't happen again. However, I have gotten to this same point with this same girl before where I just decide to ask her what is going on between us. Last time she didn't even give me the time of day. I want to ask her again but I don't want to hurt myself like I have before.

I guess I'm just rambling now so I apologize. I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully someone can give me some better advice because my plan at this point is to call her tomorrow and hopefully talk to her about what is going on. To which I am probably not going to receive any response whatsoever... again. Man I am so tired of this shit. Wish me luck I guess

[surfhb2]

No....you already called her. Repeat! do not call her! Just wait for her to call you. If nothing then you move on.

The shitty part is wondering whats going through her mind if she doesnt call.....you need to push through all that and leave it alone ( ie dont call twice). The balls in her court at this point. good luck!

If I were to guess....Id say shes not thats interested. Just wait a week to see where it goes...meanwhile, open the black book and date someone else

[searock]

I got to the bar and the car I thought she was in arrived shortly after

Why the hell didn't you wait for her?! You should have stuck to her side the whole night, not wander off alone or with other friends. You kept sending her signals that YOU aren't interested, that you see her as just another friend.

Seeing as you already blew your chance to ask her out on a proper date (when you blew up her phone that night about the CD, instead of telling her what you REALLY wanted to tell her), I'd say it's too late now to do anything. Just learn this as a lesson: if you are interested in someone, LET THEM KNOW.

[edit] On second thought, yes, call her tomorrow. But be very explicit and ask her out on a proper date. Tell her: "I'm sorry if I've been sending out the wrong signals, like that I'm not interested in you, because I am, very much. How about we go on a dinner date Saturday? I know this really nice restaurant, candle-light and great food." or something like that.

[Kromat83]

I think she was interested, but the more you spend time with your friends that involves her, she'll just feel like one of the friends and have no obligation to come.
First few dates spend that time alone, and only once your exclusive with someone, then bring friends along, as she'll have a better reason to come join you.
In time you'll learn how it works, but what everyone else said, you need to make her feel special, and flirt with her very settle, and if she positively responds back, at least you'll know there's some interest.

[wilfredketchum]

Ok so she texted me back this morning saying she was asleep when I called and that she couldn't make it to pick up the CD with me because she had to finish writing a paper. I told her I didn't actually care about the CD and that I just wanted to ask her on a date. I told her it was fine if she didn't want to and just to call me later when she gets the chance. She responds shortly after that she would love to go on a date with me (exclamation point and everything haha). We exchanged a few texts after that and I was hoping she would call so I could just explain myself, but she never did. No worries though I thought because we were supposed to meet up later tonight. I actually asked her if she wanted a ride but she said she might just have to end up meeting everyone down there and that she would let me know nonetheless. A minor speed bump but I can't let the ruin it. As good as everything sounds, I can't help but think its not going to go well. I'm hoping for the best but it is just one of those feelings in the back of your head ya know.

Anyways, I'm going to do my best to flirt with her tonight and pay her the right amount of attention. I definitely wish I had played this one different but I'm doing the best with what I have and wanted to thank you all for the advice thus far. Wish me luck!

[searock]

Dude she just wants you to make her feel like she's actually special to you, that you don't see her like any other friend but as a romantic interest. Bring her a red rose or something, just to make it extremely clear that you want to date her romantically. Put your arm over her shoulder, stay physically close to her the whole night, flirt with her etc... she needs to feel like she's the main focus of your attention. Don't wander off like you did last time, you're on a date, which means you two stick together, no matter what the group does.

For example, if at some point during the night your friends decide to go somewhere else, you look at her and ask her "what do you think, should we go :-)"? With an open smile as if to say "I'm fine either way, as long as I'm with you". You take decisions together during the date.