i'm finding it really hard understanding and coping with this breakup.

[Diamondsnpearls]

Me and my ex were together for almost 9 months, we were very happy. never really had a serious argument and got on really well.. not once did we ever even speak about breaking up even if once in a blue moon we had a serious argument. the last couple months of the relationship i started to spend ALOT of time there with him, and i don't think it was good for either of us, he stopped seeing his friends as much and i think he kind of blamed me for that.. we had a couple big arguments and he said he wasn't sure he wanted this relationship anymore, at one point he said it would be a good idea if we had some time apart and if i left for a bit. i left for about two weeks, during these two weeks he said to me its not a good idea if i come back and that we're clinging onto something that wont work.. a few days after he said to me that was totally untrue, he is 100% sure about what he wants and that he will prove it to me when i went to see him, so after a few more days i went to see him, he treated me with respect, took me out for dinner treated me so nicely just like he used to. i stayed there for two weeks. the first week he was so good to me and we were so happy to be in eachothers company again and missed each other so much. a few days before i left we started to argue a little again. and the day i was leaving, he said to me it's not fair if he leads me along and that this is it now. but he also said to me "just give it a month and see how we get on" i said to him i don't think it's right to breakup and that we have a good future to come. he then said to me that he agrees but now just isn't the time. when i left he gave me a quick kiss and told me he loves me. he looked so upset like he was about to cry and said he will miss me. (by the way tuesday night was when i left) i always knew he loves me that was never ever questinable. he thought the world of me and i'm pretty sure he still does. he also said he doesn't want to talk to me that night i left as he would end up changing his mind again. so we didn't talk for very long and he just said "goodnight for now" since tuesday night he hasn't text me or called me not even once. and i havn't either because i know i will feel worse if i do that as i want him to talk to me. i feel so hurt and upset, i'm crying every 5 minutes. we both still love eachother so much it's like he's done all of this just to get more time with his mates almost. and saying hes not ready to 'settle down' but we're not settling down. we're not getting married or anything like that we were just having a happy relationship. and in the past couple months he just changed his mind alot. he says this is it now then he also said lets give it a month and see how we get on, so what am i supposed to do? i wish he could just know what he wants 100% then i'd feel better. i don't know why he hasn't spoken to me since either.. maybe he's realised how much better of he is without me. he wouldn't text me to say "im enjoying my time on my own we wont see eachother again" as he already said this is it.. i really am heartbroken and people are saying go out with friends blah blah blah, i done that but it was still on my mind 24/7 and i just had that sick feeling every second. i feel almost let down, and ignored even though i haven't texted him so he has nothing to reply to..i'm a mess i just don't know what to do. he was the first person i ever felt this strongly about. i wish we could go back to being happy and put all this crap behind us. but with him not knowing what he wants it's impossible.

[michelle23]

Most relationships end within the first year. Its not your fault. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong or that you spent too much time together etc. It just means the honeymoon period has worn off, your no longer infatuated and you are starting to see the good, the bad and the ugly about each other. It likely means you are just not compatible.

You need to stop this now and put an end to it. If you and he had any future he wouldnt be having these doubts now. Are you gonna let him drag this out for months, back and forth like a yo-yo until he gets his shit together and realizes he is ready now to walk away for good or are you gonna take control of the situation and tell him to have a nice life so you can start healing and begin to move on?

Its all or nothing babe. Its either over or its not. He is keeping you on a string like a puppet right now which is cruel and wrong. I have no tolerance for people like that who cant make up their mind and I would just make it up for him and end it now. You will save yourself a lot of pain

[Diamondsnpearls]

I know you're so right, I wish i had the strength to just say to him now there's no way i'm doing this anymore and it will not carry on.. But right now i'm so confused. this is the longest time we haven't spoke. I feel so let down.. Like he has totaly ruined everything. I mean, telling me it's done then also saying wait a month? I just don't understand. He's only been like this in the last month. It was so good before that's why I'm so hurt it had to change so much.

[michelle23]

Find the strength. You are being a doormat. If you want this boy to respect you than you tell him to get lost now. A breakup isnt the end of the world. I know it hurts like hell now but you will get through it. Its better to end it now so you can move on instead of waiting for a month to be rejected again. Just do it. No excuses. Cut all contact with him and start healing.

6 months tops and you will be over him, I promise. The temporary pain is worth it so you can move on and meet a guy who is committed to you and doesn't doubt you or cause you all this pain.

I wouldn't break up with someone unless I was 100% sure that it is over and there is no going back. That is the way it should be.

Believe me he thinks he is making it easier for you by creating a lot of distance before telling you that it IS over for good. It is actually just causing you more pain and he is being a cunt.

It is finished hun, whether you want to believe it or not. The final blow is on its way and the rejection is gonna hurt even more than you are hurting now. You can put an end to it now so you don't have to feel rejected like that again

[Diamondsnpearls]

Once again that answer is 100% right. Since i left i haven't messaged him or texted him once, and i honestly don't even know what he could say to me if he did contact me, so i don't know why i'd even want him to do that. It's hard because i never saw him be like this, it all just went down hill in the sake of a month. I just don't know what's going through his head right now, I know he loves me there's no doubt but I don't know how you can treat someone like this if you love them. Now i'm just questioning everything.

[michelle23]

Every break leads to a breakup. It is a known fact. Clinging on and hoping you can make it work is part of the grieving process. Its called denial. Snap out of it now and move on

five stages of grief: http://www.examiner.com/article/loneliness-and-the-five-stages-of-grieving-after-a-break-up

what a break means: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/men/taking-a-break

[michelle23]

Once again that answer is 100% right. Since i left i haven't messaged him or texted him once, and i honestly don't even know what he could say to me if he did contact me, so i don't know why i'd even want him to do that. It's hard because i never saw him be like this, it all just went down hill in the sake of a month. I just don't know what's going through his head right now, I know he loves me there's no doubt but I don't know how you can treat someone like this if you love them. Now i'm just questioning everything.

If he really loved you, this wouldn't be happening. You would be with him now doing all the things that two people in love do. People do change over night when breaking up. All the good things you loved about him are gone. Its hard but you will be okay. It just takes time. My first breakup was tough. It took me 6 months to get over it. We were together 8 months and he cheated on me (bastard) it knocked me down, shattered my confidence, I pushed everyone close away, lost trust in everything and everyone, was angry and hurt and wanted revenge.. but i picked myself up, dusted myself off and healed over time. Now I look back and think I was too good for that loser. You will be fine I promise. Just end it now

[Wakeup]

Me and my ex were together for almost 9 months, we were very happy. never really had a serious argument and got on really well.. not once did we ever even speak about breaking up even if once in a blue moon we had a serious argument.

The last couple months of the relationship i started to spend A LOT of time there with him, and i don't think it was good for either of us, he stopped seeing his friends as much and i think he kind of blamed me for that.. we had a couple big arguments and he said he wasn't sure he wanted this relationship anymore, at one point he said it would be a good idea if we had some time apart and if i left for a bit. i left for about two weeks, during these two weeks he said to me its not a good idea if i come back and that we're clinging onto something that wont work..

a few days after he said to me that was totally untrue, he is 100% sure about what he wants and that he will prove it to me when i went to see him, so after a few more days i went to see him, he treated me with respect, took me out for dinner treated me so nicely just like he used to. i stayed there for two weeks. the first week he was so good to me and we were so happy to be in eachothers company again and missed each other so much.

a few days before i left we started to argue a little again. and the day i was leaving, he said to me it's not fair if he leads me along and that this is it now. but he also said to me "just give it a month and see how we get on" i said to him i don't think it's right to breakup and that we have a good future to come. he then said to me that he agrees but now just isn't the time.

when i left he gave me a quick kiss and told me he loves me. he looked so upset like he was about to cry and said he will miss me. (by the way tuesday night was when i left) i always knew he loves me that was never ever questinable. he thought the world of me and i'm pretty sure he still does. he also said he doesn't want to talk to me that night i left as he would end up changing his mind again. so we didn't talk for very long and he just said "goodnight for now" since tuesday night he hasn't text me or called me not even once. and i havn't either because i know i will feel worse if i do that as i want him to talk to me.

i feel so hurt and upset, i'm crying every 5 minutes. we both still love eachother so much it's like he's done all of this just to get more time with his mates almost. and saying hes not ready to 'settle down' but we're not settling down. we're not getting married or anything like that we were just having a happy relationship. and in the past couple months he just changed his mind alot. he says this is it now then he also said lets give it a month and see how we get on, so what am i supposed to do?

i wish he could just know what he wants 100% then i'd feel better. i don't know why he hasn't spoken to me since either.. maybe he's realised how much better of he is without me. he wouldn't text me to say "im enjoying my time on my own we wont see eachother again" as he already said this is it.. i really am heartbroken and people are saying go out with friends blah blah blah, i done that but it was still on my mind 24/7 and i just had that sick feeling every second. i feel almost let down, and ignored even though i haven't texted him so he has nothing to reply to..

i'm a mess i just don't know what to do. he was the first person i ever felt this strongly about. i wish we could go back to being happy and put all this crap behind us. but with him not knowing what he wants it's impossible.

I broke down your post so it's easier to read so if you reply at any length please us paragraphs.

As for what you should do. You should tell him you don't want to see him anymore and that way you'll get the closure you need to get over this guy. He wants you for an occassion sex partner when it suits him by the sounds of things. He's told you several times that he doesn't want anything committed or serious with you.

Take back your personal power, text him and tell him: "thank you for the experience, I've found someone new" Lie if you have to do that to give you the strength to break ties with him and then never talk to him again.

He's not wanting anything serious, luv. You'll get over him in time and with zero contact. Don't let him hurt you over and over again anymore.

[always hope]

Your relationship issues sound so much like mine, Im so lost right now and torn up, not sure what to do. we were together for 3 years and he decided, to move out because he realized he wasnt financially stable, and thought we needed to communicate better, he says he loves me but he wants to find an apartment and sign a lease for at least a year. Im just like you crying every 5 minutes. I told him today if he rather get his apartment then move back here, that i cant be strung along while hes getting his life organized. he blamed me and said im the one leaving and not trying to fix things. i dont understand how he can just walk out after 3 years and want to fix things while we are distant instead of going to therapy while living together. He keeps telling me he loves me, but this has been so difficult. its only been a day for me since i heard from him im still keeping my hopes up for him to change his mind, i just wanted to let you know, that i know exactly how you are feeling, we are experiencing almost the same thing here, if you need to talk or have any advice, please let me know. i really wish i could figure out what these guys really want also.

[michelle23]

Your relationship issues sound so much like mine, Im so lost right now and torn up, not sure what to do. we were together for 3 years and he decided, to move out because he realized he wasnt financially stable, and thought we needed to communicate better, he says he loves me but he wants to find an apartment and sign a lease for at least a year. Im just like you crying every 5 minutes. I told him today if he rather get his apartment then move back here, that i cant be strung along while hes getting his life organized. he blamed me and said im the one leaving and not trying to fix things. i dont understand how he can just walk out after 3 years and want to fix things while we are distant instead of going to therapy while living together. He keeps telling me he loves me, but this has been so difficult. its only been a day for me since i heard from him im still keeping my hopes up for him to change his mind, i just wanted to let you know, that i know exactly how you are feeling, we are experiencing almost the same thing here, if you need to talk or have any advice, please let me know. i really wish i could figure out what these guys really want also.

Sorry your going through this. You are right, if he really loved you and really wanted a future, he wouldnt want to move away from you and create even more distance. That doesnt fix anything-it just pushes you further apart. You were right to say no. Well done for being strong. He will string you along and drag out the breakup for months and months if you let him so dont. Take control of the situation and tell him its over. Maybe he will realize what an idiot he has been and run back begging for another chance. You can decide then if hes worth it or not but right now you need to focus on you and healing. Its best to cut all contact with him and start moving on. Good luck

[michelle23]

Tip to you girls: DON'T BEG, DON'T CRY, DON'T PLEAD. DON'T TELL HIM ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU AND WHY YOU WORK SO WELL TOGETHER, DON'T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM AND ASK HIM TO JUST TRY, DON'T ASK FOR COUNSELLING, DON'T TEXT HIM, RING HIM, FACEBOOK HIM, EMAIL HIM.

DO: BE DISTANT, ALOOF, ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE, YOU ARE MOVING ON, ITS OVER AND YOU DON'T NEED HIM, GO ON A DATE, TEXT OTHER GUYS AND START ACTING SINGLE BECAUSE YOU ARE SINGLE.

The worse thing you can do is beg and show him how hurt you are. That will just make him think he has all the time in the world to make up his mind and you will just wait patiently for him to come home so he WILL take his time. He will also lose respect for you if he thinks he can pick you up and drop you when it suits him and begging is unattractive so he will turn off you.

You have to be indifferent. If you really want him back then show him what your worth. You don't need him, there are a million other guys who will never let you go, who would hold onto you until there dying breath and if he cant see that then its his loss. It works