First anniversary of my proposal! Don't know how to surprise her and what gift?

[Bhoopalan]

I proposed her nearly a year ago. It's a special day in both of our lives. I want to gift her something really special. I'm not sure what to gift. Her family doesn't know she's committed. So I can't gift her something like a ring which will create a suspect at her home. Can I gift her something really special and surprising which is not a physical gift?

If you have an idea for a physical gift itself, share it. If it is really impressive she may accept it and keep it secret from her family. But instead of a ring please.

[searock]

Why aren't you married yet?

Anyway if a ring is out of the picture, would a necklace be ok or would it cause the same problem?

[Bhoopalan]

I'm financially not in a state to talk about marriage right now.

Necklace is a good suggestion. I also have it in mind. I could gift her. But she will be in trouble if her parents find it out.

For her first birthday with me, I secretly took her to a orphanage and let her cut cake there and share it with the orphan kids. I also donated for their breakfast on her name. I just can't forget how she felt for that surprise.

I didn't give her anything physically but it was a good present. I just want to know if you have any such idea.

[4 ratties]

Her parents will be upset and you've been hiding it for a year? What is she underage or something? If she's 17 get her a new cell phone :-)

[horndog]

A romantic night out to a nice restaurant is always nice. Even a stay at a B&B. However if you are minors then I would skip the overnight stay. If you are cash strapped just a nice flower arrangement will be nice. Just a bit of "useful" advice: If you set the precedent of giving really nice gifts on every anniversary, you will find yourself always feeling like you have to out do the previous year and it can get expensive over time. Its best to keep it simple and an expression of how you feel. You don't need to spend a lot of money to accomplish that,

[Bhoopalan]

Reading the replies, I believe there might be some misunderstanding due to cultural difference. By proposal, I just meant love proposal. I didn't ask her to marry me. It's just an anniversary since I love proposed her. Marriage is out of the picture right now. In India, we don't talk at home about our love affairs as easily as a western guy or girl would do. So I just hide.

I believe she'll be able to manage a necklace. That's what I've bought.

Your advice is really worthwhile horndog. I already bought her a necklace but still not satisfied and thinking of some ways to surprise her. Your advice came at the right time. If I keep this attitude of dissatisfaction, I may not be happy with another gift too. Better leave it with the necklace I have. I hope she loves it.

[searock]

Oh, so you didn't ask her to marry her. What's a "love proposal"? Is it when you both decided to be in an exclusive long-term relationship with each other?

If I may ask, why do you think her family would not approve of your relationship? Is there a big age difference?

[Bhoopalan]

Love proposal is nothing but letting her know that I want to be her life partner. In western culture a guy or a girl use to start dating a partner right? But that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be in a long term relationship until both of you want that. Right? It's not the case in our culture. Proposing a girl is like start dating a girl. But with a serious commitment of long term relationship. Although you don't want to start it as soon as you propose. Do I make sense?

I believe most westerners just date without any future plans and if a guy and girl believe they can be a good partners during the period of dating, they plan further like marriage and stuff. This is the concept I've understood by watching English films. It may not be the same in India. Here a girl wouldn't even kiss a guy until she's committed to him.. until she's in love with him.. if a girl starts to love someone, it just mean that she's ready to marry him. It's almost like getting married.. A girl or a guy who's in love will mostly not be committed with another partner and if they do, it is considered kinda infidelity.

I believe 'dating' someone and 'getting committed' with someone is totally different among westerners right? Westerners may even have sexual relationship during dating but that doesn't mean they want to marry eachother right? I'm sorry if I harm you in anyway. This is what I understood about your culture through English movies.

It's not so in our culture. Not a major percentage of Indians have the dating culture. They would have sex only with a partner they would want to marry. So, you can tell a girl that you love her and want to marry her. That doesn't mean you are in a position to marry right now.

Many lovers use to start seeing each other since high school and get married even after 6 or 7 years. In India divorces are rare. Majority of the couple live together until death. So you can pretty much tell a girl that you're in love with her and you may marry her after 5 or 6 years or atleast 1 or 2 years. It's quite common here.

Like wise, our marriage system is also quite different. There are too many religions, too many linguistic people, too many castes in India. Each state in India has their own native language. Hindi, Telugu, Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada, Bengali, Gujarati, Marathi, Assame, Kashmiri, Oriya, Punjabi are some of the most popular languages in India. In a state called Tamil Nadu where I and she live, the native language is Tamil. But there would be too many Telugu people, Malayalis and people of other origin in Tamil Nadu itself. So you may not know what a person's mother tongue is while looking at her or him.

Because of the cultural diversity, parents always want to arrange marriage for their sons and daughters. If they love someone, they may love a guy of different caste, different religion or different mother tongue. Most parents don't want that. Because of that, nearly 82% of Indians still follow arranged marriage. It's almost a tradition to hate love marriages here.

There has been a drastic change over the consideration of love marriage in recent decades. However, the hatred against love marriages still prevail here. That's why we hide our love affair at home. There is no age difference or anything of that sort. Infact, we're just cousins. But still we don't have the guts to tell about our love affair right now. I need to be in a good position financially before asking for a marriage proposal.

Sorry guys. I tried to explain the cultural difference as much as I could. It may still not be clear. I'm unable to explain further though.

[Bhoopalan]

Hey searock, may I know which country you're from? I don't recognize the flag.

[searock]

Thank you for the explanation, it's fascinating :-).

I'm from Europe.

From what I understand (from the internet and movies etc), in the USA and Canada it's common for people to date more than one person at a time. I think it's much less common in Europe - here, if you start dating someone, you probably aren't going to date anyone else until you decide what you want to do with that person you are dating. You may decide you want to begin a long-term relationship with that person, or that you don't want to date that person anymore.

People in Europe can obviously date more than one person at a time, it's just not the norm (as it is in the USA and Canada, at least from what I gather). So if you are in Europe and you want to date more than one person at a time, it's common sense to let the persons you are dating know that you are also dating somebody else. It's generally considered to be quite rude and disrespectful though, it's like you're half-assing it with everyone, instead of really putting your 100% into one person you really like and want to make it work with.

However, both in Northern America and in Europe, when you start dating someone it doesn't mean you are going to marry them, not even that you will be in a long-term relationship with them. It just means you are getting to know them, and if you both feel it works, you may want to start a long-term relationship... which may or may not end up in marriage (some people even live together as a family without being officially married).

[michelle23]

I think we have more freedom to choose here. If I am dating a guy I am in love with who my family approve of and something goes wrong (example he cheats) I would just end the relationship and my parents would be supportive of that.

I believe in some cultures, once you commit it is difficult to get away from that person if they hurt you

I only date one person at a time and if I don't see relationship potential, I would not sleep with him and it would end within a month. Everyone is different though. That is how I date. I wouldnt date a guy who is seeing other people ever

[Bhoopalan]

It's quite nice to know other cultures. If at all anyone misunderstands my words, I make sure I didn't want to tell that your culture is worse or good. I just shared what I understand as English culture is.

[michelle23]

No you are right Bhoopalan. Many people in western society do multiple date, sleep around, marry and get divorced four times, cheat on their SO etc. Its just the reality of the messed up world we live in but many are not like that thankfully. There are still many couples who marry their first love and stay together for life without hurting each other. There are also those who break up on good terms because it is not working and they leave without making it too painful for each other. That is the way it should be. We do have a lot of weak people though that will stamp all over their SO before they leave and add salt to their wounds. Its cruel but I believe in karma

[Bhoopalan]

"There are also those who break up on good terms because it is not working and they leave without making it too painful for each other."

That is the most kind characteristics which I adore at western culture. You believe in karma? I hope you know that this word also belongs to an Indian ancient language, Sanskrit

[michelle23]

Yes I think if you treat people badly or hurt others, one day it will be you feeling that pain. example: my ex cheated on me, we split up and both moved on. He met someone else 6 months later and after being with her for 3 years he found out she was cheating on him for months. That was his karma IMO