Would you be happy with 'only' oral, if more frequent?

[bizzy79]

Hi,

First post on the forums!

Something has got me wondering. My wife is LD, I am HD. It is generally about once every few weeks that we have intercourse.

However, she is normally ok (if not always super enthusiastic) with giving me oral 'in between' times. We have an agreement that I will ask if I really want it, and she hasn't offered. I would normally ask for this once, maybe twice a month (I self-serve sometimes too).

I was just wondering, for the people who 'go without' for long periods of time- would you be happy to receive oral more frequently (maybe even only that, & maybe even forever) if it meant going without 'full' sex?

This is on the assumption that your partner would be happy to do this for you.

[michelle23]

Need more info? How long have you been married? How old are you both? How long has sex been an issue for? Has she always had a LD?

[searock]

What makes you think she would be ok with giving you bj's more frequently if it meant having less intercourse? Have you asked her?

(I had to look up what LD and HD meant, I'll post it here in case someone else doesn't know what it means: LD = low sex drive, HD = high sex drive).

[bizzy79]

What makes you think she would be ok with giving you bj's more frequently if it meant having less intercourse? Have you asked her?

(I had to look up what LD and HD meant, I'll post it here in case someone else doesn't know what it means: LD = low sex drive, HD = high sex drive).

I think that because she doesn't have a particularly high drive, and only likes to have full sex when she really really wants it. I think occasionally she has full sex even though she is not 100% into it. She is always obliging if I ask for a BJ, and wants me to be satisfied and not frustrated.

She is very good at oral, so it usually doesnt take long- and she doesnt feel the need to put in lots of 'effort' like dressing up etc (something she likes to do when properly in the mood for full sex).

Anyway, I was more asking what other people would feel about it, in a hypothetical scenario.

[bizzy79]

Need more info? How long have you been married? How old are you both? How long has sex been an issue for? Has she always had a LD?

Married 9 years, I am 34, she is 30. One child (4 years old). She has always had a fairly low drive, but more so as time has gone on.

Anyway, as I said in reply above, I am not looking for a 'fix' here, more wondering whether other people would rather have more oral if it meant no or little PIV sex.

[michelle23]

I personally think a LD is a myth tbh unless they have a medical, psychological, emotional or hormonal problem. I would discuss trying to have more regular sex if I were you. Ask for sex therapy. Every woman has a high drive unless there is something wrong.

Perhaps you have not tapped into her sexuality and brought out the fire in her. Believe me its there. I bet she masturbates regularly. Im not saying this to insult you-just giving you the facts.

I would work on trying to bring the fire and passion back. Work on giving her lots of orgasms, try to figure out g-spot orgasms. They are powerful and defo bring out that hunger.

Oral and intercourse should be a regular part of sex IMO unless for some reason you or she don't like receiving.. Perhaps it is time to speak up and tell your wife you are not happy with the low frequency of sex and you would like more but you would also like her to be into it and to enjoy it. Ask her what can you do to make that possible

[searock]

I would not be ok with it, no (either on the giving or receiving side).

I also think that if she has a low sex drive, asking for BJs more frequently is not something she would be happy with, since it's something that she does only for you.

[michelle23]

Married 9 years, I am 34, she is 30. One child (4 years old). She has always had a fairly low drive, but more so as time has gone on.

Anyway, as I said in reply above, I am not looking for a 'fix' here, more wondering whether other people would rather have more oral if it meant no or little PIV sex.

I personally enjoy both. Oral and intercourse and both are a big part of my sex life with my bf. I wouldn't have it any other way. Again dude if your not happy-speak up. There are lots of things you can do to make it better. counselling, sex therapy, hypnotherapy, reading a book on the importance of intimacy together, agreeing to have sex every day for 30 days to increase closeness, trying different types of orgasms, different positions etc

[horndog]

Your marriage actually sounds pretty normal for people in their 30's with kid(s). Its easy to fall into a rut. barring any medical problems affecting her sex drive the best suggestion is you simply just need to start "dating" your wife again. Get her out of the rut, make her feel sexy and desirable and spending quality time together alone (get a sitter) will do far more for your marriage and sex life than anything else. I personally would rather have really good sex every few weeks than average sex everyday.

[Starnique]

For me personally. No. I like the way a dick feels inside of me over oral. If she's going to give you oral more frequent make sure it's nasty and not basic since you're settling for oral basically. Meaning, make sure when she do it, its the wet nasty, slurping noises kind.

[HeartIsAching]

Personally, no.

While the orgasm is more intense when receiving oral, it's also less... satisfying in a way I can't describe. It scratches the itch, but it doesn't make it go away for long, like intercourse does.

OTOH, it's better than nothing, and better than cheating. If she's willing like you say, she's a wise woman.

[bizzy79]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

It is true that although oral is great, all it really does it scratch an itch.

As for my own marriage, we are both working out now in order to try help improve things also (at least my wife recognises there is a problem with her drive!).

Also, we do the dating thing whenever possible. Just the other night we had a night away for our anniversary. We stayed in a very sexy suite in a nice hotel, and she enthusiastically planned sex for that night! And despite her period arriving early, the sex was still good.

I think she struggles to get in the mood alot on a more 'day to day' basis though. But I do love that she gives me oral to make me happy and stop me from feeling frustrated :0)

[michelle23]

That's great bizzy. Perhaps your wife is a little worn out. Running a home and looking after a child is hard work. Maybe you could offer to do more some evenings. Let her put her feet up, run a bath for her, get a romantic film that you can watch together before bed (one with a few sex scenes). Little things go a long way.

Also look up some natural supplements and vitamins that increase the female sex drive. I know of one called multi-maca but I also know that increases fertility lol so the risk of pregnancy is also higher.

Exercise is also great to boost libido so maybe you and she could work out together 3 evenings a week.

But the most important thing is to ask your wife to see a doctor. Get her hormones checked. Also if she is on birth control, perhaps she should come off it for a month and then try another one. That would definitely increase her drive.

Good luck to you

[bizzy79]

That's great bizzy. Perhaps your wife is a little worn out. Running a home and looking after a child is hard work. Maybe you could offer to do more some evenings. Let her put her feet up, run a bath for her, get a romantic film that you can watch together before bed (one with a few sex scenes). Little things go a long way.

Also look up some natural supplements and vitamins that increase the female sex drive. I know of one called multi-maca but I also know that increases fertility lol so the risk of pregnancy is also higher.

Exercise is also great to boost libido so maybe you and she could work out together 3 evenings a week.

But the most important thing is to ask your wife to see a doctor. Get her hormones checked. Also if she is on birth control, perhaps she should come off it for a month and then try another one. That would definitely increase her drive.

Good luck to you

Thanks for the reply and advice.

I will look up the supplement to see if it is available easily. As for the increase in fertility, thats ok as we are trying to conceive!

Yes i think she is hoping that the exercise will help her libido. Working out together is not something that is easy for us though. She much prefers/needs the gym, whereas I can do my stuff at home (mostly weights, as i walk alot to and from work).

I would love for her to go see a doctor. I have mentioned it before, but it has never happened. She seems to want to try other things before 'resorting' to that. A year or 2 ago, we were arguing alot etc, so she put lack of drive down to that. This time she is saying its how she feels/looks etc which has prompted her to try to tone up

[Jffs24]

No -- I wouldn't be happy with only oral sex and getting blow jobs.