Engaged Dilemma

[maninadilemma]

I really need some advice please -

Last year, my girlfriend of 3 years and I were told that we were going to have a baby. She had been told that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant, so this was a big deal, despite being totally unexpected.

We got engaged before the baby arrived, and everything was great, despite the odd argument.

The baby came and the arguing got a bit worse, and four months in, I'm in a situation.

While away on a personal 3 day trip by myself, on the 2nd night, I met a girl who I felt such an amazing connection with. We met at my hotel and instantly hit it off. I told her that i was engaged and had just had a baby with my fiance', however I wasn't sure if we were getting on so well recently.
Anyways, we went out together along with some friends we had made there, but eventually we broke away from the group and went off together.
We went to some bars together and chatted about everything for hours. We both had this crazy feeling of a really special connection.
We then got a bottle of wine and sat by a river chatting some more. We had a kiss, which filled both of us with tingles. She then came back to my hotel room with me and we slept together. This happened on the third night too.

I came home to my fiance' and told her everything, apart from the fact that this affair actually meant something.
My fiance' was of course angry and disgusted, so she went to live with her parents for a couple weeks, to give us both space to work on ourselves.
Last night, I stayed up all night chatting to the girl online, and I think that she may be my soul mate.
She feels exactly the same about me, however she lives in another country a few thousand miles away.

She told me that she wants to pursue our relationship, and that she knows that the connection we have is something so strong and special, however she wants me to take my time and decide what would be best for me. She doesn't want to break up our family, but she can't deny the feelings that she felt.

My fiance' is still in daily contact with me and tells me that if I want to get out, now is my chance. She believes that I may not love her anymore.

I don't want to leave my baby, but I don't want to be unhappy in a relationship, knowing that I didn't pursue my soul mate.

I really need outsider opinions and advice because Im just in a total daze.

Thanks

[LifeInflux]

Your child will be happier with 2 separate, happy parents, then 2 parents that stay together and pretend to be happy for their sake. Eventually they'll grow and learn, and the constant fighting and resentment will cause more problems than it would fix.

You really only have one choice, and thats to follow your heart, apart from your fiance', but most especially love and support the child, even if that means only monetarily with visitation.


Whether what you have with this other girl is really and truly love or a mistake, you shouldn't stay in a relationship when you have feelings for someone else, nor when you've cheated on them.

[michelle23]

Leave, go and move to this other country with your "soul mate", let your fiance go so she can find a real man who doesn't bail on her as soon as things get a little bit tough at home. Your obviously not ready for marriage so go now.

Ill just tell you one thing though: New babies are stressful. Did you honestly think it would be easy? The first year is the hardest. You and your fiance could have been very happy together if you just had the patience and the emotional intelligence to ride the storm. This "soul mate" of yours is just a fantasy. You dont know her or anything about her. You are just infatuated, trying to escape from the arguments at home and create a distraction. You will regret all of this but little boys like you need to learn your lesson the hard way.

You dont deserve your fiance so let her go. She just gave birth to your child and you screw her over like this? I will never understand some men and how cruel you can be

[michelle23]

Whether what you have with this other girl is really and truly love or a mistake, you shouldn't stay in a relationship when you have feelings for someone else, nor when you've cheated on them.

This here says it all. You dont understand how much you have hurt your fiance. The emotional impact of what you have done will haunt her for years. Your relationship is over. You broke it. Whether you regret your little fling or not-only time will tell but either way your relationship will never be the same again-you have caused too much pain so let her go

[TablesandChairs]

Whether it's a work trip or a vacation, people are often very different when they're away from their usual environment; more relaxed, less guarded and so forth. You know zero about this other woman and you don't know what she's like day-to-day. All you know is that she was more fun than your fiancee who has a new born at home. No shit.

But, do what you have to do; you not being committed to your fiancee is not going to do the kid any favors; you can separate and still be a good dad. Just do it for the right reasons; your fling with this other woman could die soon after so, provided you'll still be happy with your decision once that falls through, then that's fine.

[4 ratties]

Go ahead and be with this other woman, whatever. Dont tell your fiancé that u want to get back together because u don't and u don't need to be wasting any more of her time. You don't know anything about this woman and lets see if u still have a connection with her in 3 years. I give u major points for at least fessing up. Alot of cheaters don't. Goodluck.

[michelle23]

Ya his only redeeming quality-hes not a liar which is good. Being a cheat is still the lowest of the low in my book apart from lying about it. Thats obviously worse

[horndog]

Soul mate my ass. The new girl just does not have the same baggage (baby) that you created with the first woman that you so clearly did not want then or now. Your fiancé sounds like a very level headed and wonderful person. I hope she meets and marries the good guy she deserves who will treat her right and be the father figure for your child.

[HeartIsAching]

"Soulmate" is a word that's nearly always used to justify infidelity. Reality check: After only a few days of contact, no matter how constant, you don't know this woman. You're not 'in love' with her, but are infatuated with her.

You may regret not being able to pursue a new relationship... but that's the way the ball bounces. You need to decide whether or not you want to pursue the relationship you're already in (if your fiancee will take you back) and act accordingly.

If not, then you need to break up with her, and see what comes next, whether it's this "soulmate" or not.

It's really not an either/or.

Should you decide to stay with your fiancee, I'd suggest that the two of you get some couples' counseling and learn how to communicate effectively with each other.