battered gF but still wants him back! HELP!!

[kikay]

hello, im in a really difficult situation now. i need help. this is quite long but i hope people wud be nice enough to read this and give suggestions over this matter because im having a hard time living my life now.

Ive been with this guy for almost 2 years. he is my best friend, i tell him everything!! i love him so much im willing to give him everything just to see him happy. he broke up with me days before our 2nd aniversary. I tried to fight for our love, begged him to talk things over, he agreed alot of times, but we always ended up arguing or him hitting me.

we have a different kind of relationship. im pure chinese and he is pure filipino. same age, same school. My mother was against this relationship so i had to keep it as a secret from the whole family. My guy knew about this, we talked about it and he agreed to wait for me until im ready to tell my family. Because of the situation, i only see him in school and went to few weekend dates. my parents are really strict so he cant visit me at home, i know its hard for him but i make it up to him by being with him and spending time with him as much as i can.. We have a normal relationship, the only difference is i cant bring him to our house and we cant go out every weekends. Cant say that feel pressured and cant move because im always around him physically like a lint because i allow him to go to paties and gimiks with his friends, d only condition is no girls and he has to tx me his whereabouts, thats all..

i can say that during the two years that we're together, we were ok, we had a lot of un together. i have a lot of FIRSTS with him. i enjoy being with him, i feel alive when we're together and im very much in love. i know he loves me too. he assures me from time to time and can see it through his actions. Well, we have problems also.
1. he was taking a vacation when we had a fight, next day he cheated on me and admitted it only after 6 months!! but i forgave him and took him back.
2. he cursed me in front of other people.
3. he hits me. he started hitting me (punching, slapping, head butt, kicking) last yr when he got irritated because i was bugging him over sumthing.
4. he is always late for our dates or meetings and i ended up waiting fro hours.
5. he doesnt give me gifts on our anniv or valentines, not even letters or simple notes (but its ok)
6. he gets mad if i call him 2x straight in a row and we end up arguing about it.

He told me that he is not satisfied with the status of our relationship and is rushing me to introduce him na to my family.. so from there, little by little i try to introduce him na to my family but everytime i set up a date for them to meet, he back sout the last minute. so napopostpone. 1 month before our anniv, he said that he was getting bored na with our relationship and wants out. i told him to give it another try, so he asked for space. i went home that night feeling all depressed. the same night, i opened his YM and found a msg from this girl calling him BABY!! i freaked out and cried and asked for explanation from the girl. my initial reaction was shocked of course!! so i called up the girl, yes i know her and she denied everything saying it was just a missent message.. my instincts tell me that shes lying so i confronted my bf and he told me not to make a big deal out of this. he later admitted that i pushed him to do those things because of my constant nagging. So for the last 1 month, i begged for him to give our love another try. he always refuses. he told me that he already tried his best and thats all he could give. I know he can do a lot more, he just doesnt want to take that step. he told me he doesnt love me anymore. he doesnt answer my calls, he even ran away when i saw him (literally). The hitting happened again when i begged for him to take me back. i begged, i cried, i pleaded but he was firm with his decision that he wants out. he told his family about our problem, he told them everything, now even his family doesnt want us to be together. that makes it harder for me.

Now i dont know what to do, im taking my thesis and in my last school yr. but i cant focus with my work because im always crying. i cry before i go to sleep, i cry when i wake up, i cry when i pray, i cry when i eat, even in the shower. im having a hard time dealing with this. i miss him so much and i want him back. i already forgave him and im so willing to give our love another chance. im hurting so bad. i try to turn to my family, i told them what happend, skipped some details but i told them the basic story.. they understand me but thats all they can do.. they allowed me to be with him, the only condition is to finish my studies.

i want him back because i dont want to see the 2 yrs that we spent together just go down the drain just like that.. i dont want him to remember me as the worst girlfriend ever. i want him to remember me as the best girlfriend he ever had. i want him to realize in the future the mistake he made by letting me go. i want him back but he refuse to talk to me. i dont know where to find him. he doesnt go to school anymore.. i dont know what to do.

please help!! i'm so desperate.. i need suggestions, advices and prayers. u can scold me for being dumb. i just want people to help me realized the fact that being with him again wud be a huge mistake.

[shh!]

Get some therapy. Anyone who wants a stay with a guy that hits her has some BIG problems. You realize that these kinds of situations escalate, don't you? Do you really want to watch him beating on your future babies?

You need to start thinking with your head rather than operating on an emotional level. Frankly, I am glad he broke things off with you.

[kikay]

Get some therapy. Anyone who wants a stay with a guy that hits her has some BIG problems. You realize that these kinds of situations escalate, don't you? Do you really want to watch him beating on your future babies?

You need to start thinking with your head rather than operating on an emotional level. Frankly, I am glad he broke things off with you.

he came from a broken family, he watched his father beat his mom b4 and he promised not to do that in the future. he promised to seek therapy as well. i told my mom about me going to a psychologist but she refused and told me nobody could help me if i dont help myself first. The thing is i still want him and im still hoping for a reconciliation because i know he is a good person.. im not yet ready to move on.. i want us to try it for the last tym before calling it quits.

[Chii 288]

Kikay, I'm sure you don't want to hear what I'm going to say but after I read about him beating you up, there's no way I could think about him as nice guy.

he later admitted that i pushed him to do those things
First off, you can NOT push anybody to do anything without him wanting to do it. He has his own damn head to think things over, don't let him drag his shit on your shoulders!

1. he was taking a vacation when we had a fight, next day he cheated on me and admitted it only after 6 months!! but i forgave him and took him back.
2. he cursed me in front of other people.
3. he hits me. he started hitting me (punching, slapping, head butt, kicking) last yr when he got irritated because i was bugging him over sumthing.
4. he is always late for our dates or meetings and i ended up waiting fro hours.
5. he gets mad if i call him 2x straight in a row and we end up arguing about it.

You've got it ALL here, what do you want us? To console you he's not that bad after all?

Why do you even want to get back with him? Think about it! Don't you think you deserve a LOT better than someone who will carry on cheating you and beat? Yeah, carry on beacuse his promises don't work here, it's all actions. Listen to your mom, you have to help yourself to get out of this.

[kikay]

Kikay, I'm sure you don't want to hear what I'm going to say but after I read about him beating you up, there's no way I could think about him as nice guy.

he later admitted that i pushed him to do those things
First off, you can NOT push anybody to do anything without him wanting to do it. He has his own damn head to think things over, don't let him drag his shit on your shoulders!

1. he was taking a vacation when we had a fight, next day he cheated on me and admitted it only after 6 months!! but i forgave him and took him back.
2. he cursed me in front of other people.
3. he hits me. he started hitting me (punching, slapping, head butt, kicking) last yr when he got irritated because i was bugging him over sumthing.
4. he is always late for our dates or meetings and i ended up waiting fro hours.
5. he gets mad if i call him 2x straight in a row and we end up arguing about it.

You've got it ALL here, what do you want us? To console you he's not that bad after all?

Why do you even want to get back with him? Think about it! Don't you think you deserve a LOT better than someone who will carry on cheating you and beat? Yeah, carry on beacuse his promises don't work here, it's all actions. Listen to your mom, you have to help yourself to get out of this.

i want him back because i dont want to see the 2 yrs that we spent together just go down the drain just like that.. i dont want him to remember me as the worst girlfriend ever. i want him to remember me as the best girlfriend he ever had. i want him to realize in the futurethe mistake he made by letting me go.

[misombra]

well then why the hell are you asking us for help?

[shh!]

Don't make excuses for his behavior. He's NOT a good guy, and you know it. Would you want your daughter to put up with someone like him? Would you want your son to BE like him? Why do you expect so little for yourself? I think sometimes girls put up with this crap because they are unwilling to grieve the loss of a relationship rather than because they actually love the guy. They just THINK it is love.

If you mother won't get you therapy, you can probably get some free counseling at your school. Talk to someone there to find out. but what your mother says is true - you can't be helped if you refuse to acknowledge there is even a problem, and you have to WANT to fix it.

[Junket]

What the hell is all that weird lingo you're using?

"naman"??

[Chii 288]

i want him back because i dont want to see the 2 yrs that we spent together just go down the drain just like that.. i dont want him to remember me as the worst girlfriend ever. i want him to remember me as the best girlfriend he ever had. i want him to realize in the futurethe mistake he made by letting me go.

But perhaps it would be good for you to wipe those years .. just like that ..

I have had a feeling you do not appreciate yourself as you should!
But ... it doesn't even matter what he thinks! after beating you and cheating, it's YOU that has all the right to think about him as the worst boyfriend, dammit!

I think you think too much about what he may think. Be selfish and think about yourself a little bit too! You deserve a lot more than ... that.

[kikay]

well then why the hell are you asking us for help?

so u guys could talk sense to me. and so that i wud not be stuck with the kind of thinking that i have now wanting him back.

[kikay]

But perhaps it would be good for you to wipe those years .. just like that ..

I have had a feeling you do not appreciate yourself as you should!
But ... it doesn't even matter what he thinks! after beating you and cheating, it's YOU that has all the right to think about him as the worst boyfriend, dammit!

I think you think too much about what he may think. Be selfish and think about yourself a little bit too! You deserve a lot more than ... that.

thats exactly what he told me, that im being selfish by wanting him to give it another shot. i already forgave him, it hurts but i dont want any anger in my heart..

[kikay]

Don't make excuses for his behavior. He's NOT a good guy, and you know it. Would you want your daughter to put up with someone like him? Would you want your son to BE like him? Why do you expect so little for yourself? I think sometimes girls put up with this crap because they are unwilling to grieve the loss of a relationship rather than because they actually love the guy. They just THINK it is love.

If you mother won't get you therapy, you can probably get some free counseling at your school. Talk to someone there to find out. but what your mother says is true - you can't be helped if you refuse to acknowledge there is even a problem, and you have to WANT to fix it.

maybe im not yet ready to face the reality becaus eim still hoping that we wud get back together. i'll die if i saw him with another girl..

thats what i did, i went to my guidance councilor friend and pour my heart out. she gave her opinion and promised to talk again with me..

[shh!]

so u guys could talk sense to me. and so that i wud not be stuck with the kind of thinking that i have now wanting him back.

Once you resign yourself to giving him up, you will definitely grieve the loss of a relationship and whatever sense of connection that gave you. Don't be a chicken: stop trying to avoid pain by clinging to someone who is no good. Grieving is a painful, but ultimately unavoidable part of life. It doesn't last forever, and it makes you stronger in the end. Just keep in mind that the pain will not last forever.

Then get some therapy so you don't repeat this unhealthy cycle.

That is the best advice I can give you - the rest is up to you.

[kikay]

Once you resign yourself to giving him up, you will definitely grieve the loss of a relationship and whatever sense of connection that gave you. Don't be a chicken: stop trying to avoid pain by clinging to someone who is no good. Grieving is a painful, but ultimately unavoidable part of life. It doesn't last forever, and it makes you stronger in the end. Just keep in mind that the pain will not last forever.

Then get some therapy so you don't repeat this unhealthy cycle.

That is the best advice I can give you - the rest is up to you.

i'll try to be stronger.. im having a hard time accepting reality.. im always praying to for God to give me strength..

[Tommy]

i'll try to be stronger.. im having a hard time accepting reality.. im always praying to for God to give me strength..

Love yourself enough to get over this guy. If I ever saw a guy hit a woman that would be the end of him... period... His behavior is disgusting, find someone better. You seem like a nice person, but you must also realize that a relationship is a two way street.

IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO ALWAYS MAKE THEM HAPPY. What of your happiness? Like I have said before - don't abuse your happiness to make someone else happy, you both should be. If you are not it won't work, simple as that. I'm sorry for your pain, i've felt it to, just keep posting here and get the support you need from friends.