battered gF but still wants him back! HELP!!

[Asip4u]

i hope so. this i sreally a depressing time for me. my world stopped because of this.. im sober. i meed to unwind but becuas eof my school work, its not possible. i couldnt even focus on my work. i always cry. i go to church and cry there. i want things to happen..

It'll take some time but you'll be ok. Try to have some fun and get out more. I know what it's like to be depressed and have school and work on top of everything else, it's really tough. My school and work suffered a bit but i knew i needed to take some time and have fun. Play some sports...You play badminton? I played all through HS and was pretty good too..Not so much now. Get involved and you'll notice it will slowly turn into a positive situation.

[kikay]

sorry to barge in on what seems a very personal conversation, but i wanted to input my opinion on your 'crying',

i too was going through a tough time - i didn't cry. i thought that was a good thing. when i talked to my guidance counselor - she told me something was wrong with me because i wasn't crying - i won't go into it.......

my point is, the fact that you are crying is a good thing! it's normal for you too show emotions in this way. If you weren't crying, then you have some psychological problems.

hope this helps, and hope you feel better soon!

thanks. but the fact that im crying uncontrollably is just pathetic. i want to move on but i have thi svoice in my head tellin gme not to give him up..

[kikay]

It'll take some time but you'll be ok. Try to have some fun and get out more. I know what it's like to be depressed and have school and work on top of everything else, it's really tough. My school and work suffered a bit but i knew i needed to take some time and have fun. Play some sports...You play badminton? I played all through HS and was pretty good too..Not so much now. Get involved and you'll notice it will slowly turn into a positive situation.

i play bdminton but lately i stopped because of whats happening. im crying all the time that i lost energy to do sumthing else like badminton and even my school work!

[missguided.rose]

I say screw what he thinks about you.. You shouldn't care whether he remembers you as a good or bad girlfriend because someone who HITS WOMEN has to have a warped perception of whats good or bad anyway. So I wouldn't bother.

As for "not wanting to throw 2 years down the drain" some people have thrown more.. 5 years .. 10 years.. it doesn't matter, relationships shouldn't be based on how much time you've spent together, it should be based on how GOOD the relationship is, how right you two are for each other and how much respect you have for each other. If I was you I'd probably WANT to forget the last 2 years.. why anyone would want to hold onto memories that involve violence is beyond me.

[Tone]

Right on, rose.

Couldn't disagree more...There are many people out there who can relate to what you're going through and so many guys who appreciate your femininity so much more. Slowly you have to allow yourself to take that next step and move towards something better.

Listen to this man.

kikay no one deserves to be disrespected the way he has to you. There is NOTHING nice and no matter HOW sweet he was to you in the past, NOTHING, you hear me, NOTHING justifies him putting his hands on you. Believe that. Pick yourself up, and gather your composure and start thinking of what's best for YOURSELF, and that's to leave this scumbag as a bad memory. You have to learn to depend on yourself more, and stop depending so much on others, only you can make things better for yourself. You cannot depend on him for happiness, it will only lead to more pain and suffering for you later. Take the advice that everyone here is giving you, stick up for your self, you deserve better.

[TenorTwo]

Originally Posted by kikay
i want him back because i dont want to see the 2 yrs that we spent together just go down the drain just like that..

Why not? It happened to me. Had a girlfriend for one year and four months. Solid relationship, complete and true love, and she just broke it off because she found some new... douchey guy. I tried to talk her out of it, but it was too late, Mr. Douche offered her something NEW and GLORIOUS. I let her go, it was hard, but I knew I had to so I kept my head up about it.

You just have to keep positive and wait for someone new to come along. It's not a pleasant reality, but that's what you have to come to terms with.

And besides... my ex-girlfriend didn't beat me... so I can't imagine why it's so hard to let the likes of him go.

[Tommy]

Seems to me she's asian oriented as she stated before, and I know within those countries it's customary for men to beat woman, so maybe it doesn't bother her much, which is why she's still all giddy over this "suprise cockface" (team america pwns)... Seems sad someone could have such low self esteem to want someone back who beats the shit out of em.

Uhh all I can say is get over it by now, it's a broken record and like Tone said earlier you need to get some sense. It's SO much easier for a woman to find another man than a man to find another woman IMO. Go find one, stop twiddling your thumbs....

[kikay]

please leave this forum, and seek some professional help if you choose to do so. But I think you have to be willing to help yourself.

i asked my mom about it already, she told me not to depend on therapist but instead work on myself. thats what i mdoing thats y im here asking for group support from all of you.

its hard to admit to my friends that i allowed my x to beat me up. its really hard to let go but i know i have to. its harder for me because we go to the same university.

im so lost right now. but thankfully, little by little, im seeing the light.. i have to let go!! i have to let go!

[Tommy]

............and one day, you WILL see the light, and it will shine like a beacon of new life and hope for you and your future. I hope you envision what it is I envision. I'm feeling happy for you, because your post resonates signs of YOUR POWER from within yourself. Keep Faith.

............You are Quite Right, You have to let go if you want to see that beacon of light of which I speak so highly of..........

...........And you WILL LET GO!!!

to be very truthful - i think you are MUCH MORE stronger than you know. The fact that you've survived and made it through this far is VERY comendable. I don't think other people have the same stregth as YOU DO!

My Patients Fight Cancer every day - and if they can do it, So Can You!

Agreed..... Many things in life are hard to accept and admit... Once you can you will feel like an entirely different, revived, happy person. Just stay positive and do your best.

[kikay]

Agreed..... Many things in life are hard to accept and admit... Once you can you will feel like an entirely different, revived, happy person. Just stay positive and do your best.

woke up wid a very heavy heart. thats why i dont like to go to sleep coz i always dream of him. i miss him so much i want to go to his place later and just wait for him. but i know i cant do that. its harder coz i see him around school. i stayed 1 yr because of him so we cud graduate at the same time. not a good move though..

your right, i should leave him.. maybe its pride thats holding me back not wanting to be on the losing side..

my brother gave me a stress ball.. i pray for strength and guidance from the Lord. thanks for not giving up helping me out guys..

[kikay]

my ex-girlfriend didn't beat me... so I can't imagine why it's so hard to let the likes of him go.

you kno whats funny? im in the judo team and i allowed him to beat me.. now im thinking, why the hell did i allow him to do that to me?! but i still have this crazy idea of still going after him..

[bohemiandonut]

Based on the difference between these last few posts and your first one, it seems like you're waking up a little bit, Kikay.

You knew before you even posted the kind of replies you would get, and you know now what I'm going to tell you. Pretty much everyone here has the right idea, and the most powerful thing I've seen was the response asking you whether you want a husband who will probably beat on his children. It sounds like you are utterly taken advantage of by this guy, and I'm really not sure what it is you see in him, but whatever that may be, here are some things you may have missed:

1. He hits you. This is not fun, is it?
2. He cheats on you. This is not fun, is it?
3. He doesn't honor your anniversary. Honor... that's big with you Chinese, right?
4. He doesn't want a relationship. Thank God! You should be rejoicing! Imagine if this violent jerk wouldn't leave you alone! Now THAT would be a problem.

So, just be happy that you're done with this guy. Breathe. And take a LONG, HARD look at yourself so that you are NEVER attracted to such a disgusting personality again.

Peace,
Nick

P.S. - Focus on the NOW. Have some fun! Life shouldn't be all about victimization and regret. You're in control, Kikay. Don't go backwards.

[kikay]

Based on the difference between these last few posts and your first one, it seems like you're waking up a little bit, Kikay.

P.S. - Focus on the NOW. Have some fun! Life shouldn't be all about victimization and regret. You're in control, Kikay. Don't go backwards.

thanks RSK, im feeling better now, i dont know how i'll feel 2m or the next day.. please include me in your prayers. im trying to fight my emotions. i want to get better and i promise myself i will. thanks for not leaving me guys..

[whaywardj]

Nobody here is leaving you, kikay. Some of us are just amazed at why you have any second thoughts about leaving a bad situation.

[kikay]

Nobody here is leaving you, kikay. Some of us are just amazed at why you have any second thoughts about leaving a bad situation.

maybe im still immature when it comes to these things. i still love him, i know i can no longer be with him. its sad that a good friendship wud be ruined just because of what happend. i pray that he would change for the better and that he wouldnt treat other girls the way he treated me.