how do i get on with my new relationship without letting the past affect it?

[Gem81]

Its been two years since my marriage ended and I have been seeing this great guy for nearly four months. I can see myself growing old with him and genuinely feel ready for a committed long term, hopefully everlasting, relationship. I am not in a hurry, i'm quite happy to let things develop as they will without rushing but am excited for the future. However, i am discovering, the relationship i had with my ex husband has scarred me much more than i realised...I am feeling insecure, in need of constant reassurance and when I'm not with him (my new partner) all I do is think about him. When something challenges us I am reminded of my ex and start comparing them and this stirs up anger and confusion. I know that they are not the same person, infact very different people but I am worried that if I can't get past the past, it will negatively affect what I feel like could be the most amazing relationship of my life! How do I let go of the crap from the past and learn to enjoy the now for what it is, without the tainted feelings of a life that didn't work?

[michelle23]

Get a few counselling sessions. Divorce is not easy for anyone-of course it will leave a few scars but you need to find closure. It would be good for you to talk to someone and let it all out

[4 ratties]

I think time and communication will help.. You will trust him more but you need more time.. 4 months is not enough to feel truly secure with someone.. And communicate your feelings with him.. Try not to bring up your ex.. Guys hate that.. But just talk about how u feel with your partner. It will make u feel closer and slowly u will feel better. Give it much more time. I was scarred from my ex too and was totally different in this relationship because of it.. It was a big hurdle to get over but I am doing much better now. I've been with him for 10 months and have lived with him for four.