Saving a 7 year friendship??

[anonymous_a]

So this is a little off topic, but I need some input. I have a couple girlfriends from high school, who I used to consider my best friends. We were "best friends" from grade 10 til about 2 years ago. We spent the majority of our time together, all hung out with the same people, spent all birthdays together, and even considered each others parents like "second parents" to us. When I was 19 I moved away for college, and one of my girlfriends came with. After our first semester she dropped out and moved back home. I stayed in that city for 3 years. Over the first 2 years, I visited a few times, and always saw them when I came to visit. The last year that I lived out there, though, I didn't have a lot of money, so I couldn't afford to travel home as often. Over that time, I lost touch with these girls, and focused on my own life in this new city.

Well about 2 years ago, I moved back to my home city, and they were all super excited to have me back. I moved back around Christmas time, and spent New Years Eve with them in another city, about an hour away and we stayed in a hotel. By the time the whole trip was over and we were heading home, I was pretty annoyed with most of them. I don't know if it's because I have changed, or maybe they have changed, but I just don't feel like we click the way we used to. They all still hang out, and are still besties, but I find myself having no desire what so ever to hang out with them. My first birthday that I celebrated back here, I celebrated without them because they threw THEIR party ON MY BIRTHDAY (one of their birthdays is a few days before mine, and one of their birthdays is a few days after mine). I was so rattled, I didn't even go to their party! Why would I want to celebrate someone else's birthday ON MY BIRTHDAY?! I made a decision to put little to no effort into hanging out with them.

Over the last year ONE OF THEM (the one who annoys me the most) has tried to hang out with me on multiple occasions, and I just make up excuses. We see each other when we are out with mutual friends, and we are drinking, it's all fine and dandy, but when we are sober, I just can't stand her. Well this past March (my birthday) I had the last of it. I invited all of them to my birthday party 2 months in advance, and told them to make sure that they didn't make plans. Go figure, NONE of them showed up. Now I get that we hadn't been all that close, so to you all, you may question why they would even come to my birthday, but at this point, they had no idea what I felt about them, they only knew that I worked a lot and had no time. I also would have gladly gone to their birthday party, but they celebrated out of town, and I couldn't get off work that weekend.

Anyways, I've pretty much called it quits on these friendships with these girls, and last night I get a text from one of them (the one who has made next to no effort to message me, or call me, or make plans with me) asking what's up? I was confused as to why she would be texting me, that is how seldom I speak to her! And I've known this girl, in particular, since kindergarten. We small talk, until she finally says "Why do we never see your face anymore?" I responded how I normally do to them, saying I work 2 jobs, I'm very busy, I like being at home with my boyfriend and pets, etc. She comes back at me "Well what about your free time" I say most of the people I hang out with work at the bar that I work at, so we see each other every weekend, and plans just sort of happen. She responds "Yeah, I know how hard it is to throw your old best freinds that live in the same city as you a text. Hope you have fun with your coworkers at your place of employment." I was pissed and just said "Lol thanks, I will."

The thing that pisses me off the most is that I know they were all together last night, so they must have all been talking about it, and the one girl who has claimed to be my best friend through out all of this, didn't even have the balls to text me! It was the one who I haven't heard from in forever! And she's being so hypocritical because like I said, she has never made an effort to hang out with me either.

I have discussed this situation with a few of our mutual friends, and the most common answer I get is "Well they've been your friends since high school" "Well you've been friends forever" and all I can think when someone says that to me, is WHO CARES! I have friends now that I have only known for 2 years or less, who's friendships I value more than these girls.

So my question is this. I have no desire to hang out with them, but they have been my best friends since high school; should I try to save my friendships with them because I may regret it in the future? Orrrr should I just say fvck it? Why would I want to hang out with people who annoy me? Should I try mending fences? Does our "history" mean that we "should" still be friends? What do you think?

[Wakeup]

People change, friendships come and go and the one's that are meant to last forever, people make the effort. BOTH people even when they're busy. Obviously, you don't have anything in common with these girls anymore so why try to flog a dead horse?

It's also obvious that these girls believe that you haven't been making an effort to maintain the friendship just as much as you feel they've been ditching (or not including) you. (as shown in the text from the one girl).

Friends drifting away is part of life. If you have no hurt when you think of the fact that you're not close like you once were, then can you think of a good reason why you should even be giving any of this a second thought?

[anonymous_a]

Friends drifting away is part of life. If you have no hurt when you think of the fact that you're not close like you once were, then can you think of a good reason why you should even be giving any of this a second thought?

True! At this point I'm more like "I can't believe it took you all this long to get the hint" Lol.

[smackie9]

None of this had to happen if you had open honest communication with them about how you felt, but no, like a bad marriage it just all fell apart. I agree we do grow out of our friends, but it doesn't mean you need to sever ties rudely.

Why not just tell them you feel you have grown apart, and you have moved on. Seriously you don't need to be a snot about it because they are just as confused about it as you are. So if you just break down those barriers with some honesty then you might be able to walk away with no hard feelings.

[michelle23]

Best friends can go months without talking and then act as if theve never been apart when they do have time to see each other..

My closest friend works nights, the other best friend lives 30miles away. We make as much time as we can for each other but life gets in the way sometimes, work, family, boyfriends. Theres never any b**ching or crap with them.

My other 2 close friends are both on social welfare, no life, no job, no desire to work, no boyfriends. They bb**ch and whine a lot and act like im the bad guy. Im sick of them tbh. I work 6 days, have a house to look after, boyfriend, pets, family, always have a birthday, wedding, christening, godchild.. Bottom line im bust-not avoiding them on purpose but they dont get that

These girls aint your friends if they are all b**chin bout you. F**k them

[anonymous_a]

None of this had to happen if you had open honest communication with them about how you felt, but no, like a bad marriage it just all fell apart. I agree we do grow out of our friends, but it doesn't mean you need to sever ties rudely.

Why not just tell them you feel you have grown apart, and you have moved on. Seriously you don't need to be a snot about it because they are just as confused about it as you are. So if you just break down those barriers with some honesty then you might be able to walk away with no hard feelings.

You're right I should have been open and honest about the way I felt, I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings I guess. Which is stupid I know because ignoring them is just as bad, if not worse. I just figured they'd get the hint lol.

[anonymous_a]

Best friends can go months without talking and then act as if theve never been apart when they do have time to see each other..

My closest friend works nights, the other best friend lives 30miles away. We make as much time as we can for each other but life gets in the way sometimes, work, family, boyfriends. Theres never any b**ching or crap with them.

My other 2 close friends are both on social welfare, no life, no job, no desire to work, no boyfriends. They bb**ch and whine a lot and act like im the bad guy. Im sick of them tbh. I work 6 days, have a house to look after, boyfriend, pets, family, always have a birthday, wedding, christening, godchild.. Bottom line im bust-not avoiding them on purpose but they dont get that

These girls aint your friends if they are all b**chin bout you. F**k them

I know it's insane, I don't hear from the one girl in forever, and SHE's the one who pops off on me, like are you joking? And the one who has been bitching and complaining the most about not seeing me, doesn't have the balls to talk to me about it. I've been debating sending them a mass message on Facebook and telling them like, are you kidding? Cowards and hypocrites. That's what I feel about them right now.

[smackie9]

That's why it blew up in your face. Have some manners and decline invitations with grace.....this goes for all aspects of your life....hoping they get the hint is not a mature way to handle any situation. Hope you don't do this sort of thing with your future BF.

[smackie9]

I know it's insane, I don't hear from the one girl in forever, and SHE's the one who pops off on me, like are you joking? And the one who has been bitching and complaining the most about not seeing me, doesn't have the balls to talk to me about it. I've been debating sending them a mass message on Facebook and telling them like, are you kidding? Cowards and hypocrites. That's what I feel about them right now.

If you act like a little girl you will be treated as one....

[anonymous_a]

That's why it blew up in your face. Have some manners and decline invitations with grace.....this goes for all aspects of your life....hoping they get the hint is not a mature way to handle any situation. Hope you don't do this sort of thing with your future BF.

My future bf? Lol I'm in a relationship right now. And I've been in multiple LTR before as well. Dumping a SO is NOT the same as outgrowing friends, sorry.

[anonymous_a]

If you act like a little girl you will be treated as one....

Oh stfu lol.

[smackie9]

Gosh you young ladies.....let this drama fueling sesh end.

[smackie9]

Oh stfu lol.

the truth.......

[anonymous_a]

Gosh you young ladies.....let this drama fueling sesh end.

Honestly, I'm not really one for drama, I usually have NO drama. Maybe thats why I didn't want to confront them? I don't know. I just didn't feel like dealing with the drama? I have no idea, to be honest. Maybe I just figured that doing it this way would cause less problems. Last night was stupid though, they were all together and clearly talking about me. Talk about drama!

[smackie9]

Hang in there this sort of thing doesn't usually stay fresh....just like news stories, something else will come along to occupy their minds.