Loved a pervert and need help to get over him

[Mails]

He was with me for several years on and off, since we both live in two different countries, I met him after 5 years and he was so good to me and I trusted him and started to love him. As soon as I left he was fooling around with another women . When I went back he was indifferent and kept on touching and fooling around with this women ,who is his friend's wife. When I asked him about her he denied, and kept on lying. Finally I told him to cut the facade, and since then he does not answer my calls and blocked my number. It hurts he makes me feel as if I did somEthing wrong. In fact I saw what he was doing with the other women ( he has a funny way of touching females; he strokes them and sits quite as if he was doing nothing. That is how he touches me when we get together). Pls help , should I see him and confront him? my heart is aching and I am unable to concentrate on anything. I want him to know it was him who ruined this relationship and not me. I am sure he is doing this with other women as well. how do i get over this guy.? i do want to get over him but I know I am still in love with this horrible human being. Pls help me I need to talk. Thank you.

[AdminOnline]

Hello Mails, welcome aboard. Enjoy your visits.

[Mails]

Thank you lovers in.

[Mails]

Thank you loveadmin.

[basilandthyme]

He's hardly a pervert - especially as there were no chickens involved. But by the same token, he's not relationship material either.

Confronting him is pointless because he'll never admit that he was wrong. And by the sounds of it, you'd have to go to his country to just to hear him deny that he did anything wrong. Epic waste of money and time if you ask me.

I've gotta be honest and say that as soon as I read your first sentence, I knew it would be a disastrous outcome. On and off PLUS long distance....Hon, what were you thinking? Now is the time to accept that it's already dragged on way too long and try to learn something from the experience.

[pcmaster]

Hi Mails !

You came to right place. Write post your topic in General forum and you will get lot of reponses.

Pm me if you want to talk.

[michelle23]

Go and get some counselling. Why would you waste five years of your life on a man you have never met? How can you possibly be in love with a virtual stranger? You met in cyber land where you cant really trust anyone. You have been naive and foolish.

There are bad people in this world. Its part of life. You were too trusting. Sorry i dont want to upset you but you need to ask yourself y you would waste time on a man who lives in a different country who you cannot see in real life.. Y not meet a man who lives down the road?

[Mails]

Thank you captain.

[Mails]

Thank you Michelle, I have known him for 15 years and we were together all the time. I am away at the moment. Everyone used to envy us, now I know he was acting and not real that hurts more than him cheating me. I always wished him well and wanted him to be happy, it hurts to think that he did not care al all. I must have wasted my life with him all these years. Thank you once again.

[Mails]

Thank you pcmaster. I know I have been a fool and I needed to let go of this pain.

[basilandthyme]

hopefully talking it out here will help

[michelle23]

You should get some counselling. It may help you heal and forgive yourself.

[AJones11]

Sounds like to me that he was never invested in what you had as much as you were, he just enjoyed the attention. This is how he is able to fool around with other women. You did nothing wrong, and when you feel like this it is very easy to blame yourself and look for what is wrong with you. I hope after talking with people on here you will gain more confidence in yourself and be able to get over this I promise you once your feelings fade in time, you will look back on this and see the truth without love blinding you.

Sometimes in life we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and let people in and shitty people will just take advantage of whatever they can, and it sounds like this is what this guy did. The trick is to find someone who you can give yourself to and they will give themselves back, gaining a relationship like this takes time tho.

My advice would be to find someone in the same country, someone who you can see regularly and form a real relationship with based on true love and trust, perhaps not yet, you still need time to heal, but hopefully talking to people on here and focusing on whatever you do for a living, focusing on who you want to be, and the ideal person you want to be with, and going after that.

[Wakeup]

Loved a pervert and need help to get over him.

Just keep reading your own thread title. Doing that alone should make you realize that you are wasting your good dating years, your prime time to find a suitable LIFEmate by keeping your emotions tied to a (in your own words) PERVERT.

If you stop contacting him and if you read this book (check out link) you'll get over your crazy pattern with this guy and you'll be open to finding someone who values you. This man you talk of, does not.

http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Love-Addiction-Giving-Yourself/dp/0062506048

Here's what this book is about and it describes You perfectly, Mail.

The author of the bestselling Facing Codependence unravels the intricate dynamics of toxic love relationships and shows us how to let go of toxic love. In this revised and updated edition of Facing Love Addiction, internationally recognised dependence and addiction authority Pia Mellody clearly outlines the debilitating ′toxic′ patterns played out by love addicts and the unresponsive love avoidants to whom they are painfully and repeatedly drawn.

You are drawn to a man who is a "love avoidant." Read the book.

[Mails]

Thank you Ajones11, this helps a lot. I was hurting myself thinking ,"what did I do wrong"? Even though, I know it was he who cheated me all these years. He loves attention and may be I gave too much to him. I left everyone ( my family and friends) for this guy. It is hard for me because I loved him all my life I need to get over him ....at the risk of sounding like a fool--the thought of him doesn't needing me or not seeing him is killing me. I did not try to reach him any other way ( I know every member of his family and they love me) I am feeling lost and need to help myself without him knowing that he got to me this way. I am putting a brave face in the house and with our friends but dying inside. Thank you for helping me it helps a lot. Thank you.