Hi, looking for some quick instant tips to get relationship on track, if possible.
Got together with girl 5 years ago. Old story, have been too 'nice' to her and reaping the rewards of straying and lack of respect. In Summary:
I have not been dominant enough in explaining her role and responsibilities in the relationship, letting her away with sarcasm, lack of sex etc., double standards on acceptable behaviour.
I am much more 'human' she is very cold due to upbringing (as her friends would say not just me)
Small day to day example e.g. I would go to her, give her a kiss and 'have a good day' before she goes to work while she would either say Im going now and expect me to come to her or just leave.
I have a lot of my own interests and spend a bit of time on them but I always check that is ok with her that she is happy with that.
I dont in any way feel submissive or scared of her at all , its just how I was brought up to consider other peoples feelings. Sometimes this works for me in that I earn over 6 figures developing business relationships. I also have this beautiful girlfriend. But below the surface I am not in control of this...yet.
Recently she was out with work and ended up staying in some colleagues house, the other night then she got drunk and he brought her home in a cab (1 hour round trip) and I expect she is 'looking around'.
Have done all the nice dinners , weekends away, big presents so I dont think that kind of thing is going to work.
It could be that 5 years in she is annoyed because I havent proposed. She has never talked about marriage or kids. I havent proposed to her because she has shown herself to be unable of mutual problem solving, ie when a crisis hits she simply stops talking and I am on my own. For eg years ago when moving house I mentioned a living together agreement and she simply stopped talking to me for the day, no argument , never mentioned again. Has happened a few times, I've explained this issue to her.
Sex life is terrible. I always initiate. Unless she is very drunk it is like having sex with a corpse, no feedback, no fun or eye contact. Though she almost always orgasms. Used to be much better in that I could hold out for 4 but now getting to 1 is at best. I think her lack of interest made me worse at it, Ive tried to talk about it and say that if we had it more often it would be better but she just brushes off the conversation. Also she is only available for it in the morning when I cannot perform for some reason, much better at night.
I think its worth one last go - ie stoke up the relationship , make an attempt to address the bad sex life and communication issues , then if no luck just bin it. Im late 30s and want to get married and have kids asap. We 'get on' very well, same sense of humour etc.
Willing to try anything - not in the sense that I'm desperate but just really up for it with nothing to lose!
Some things to get advice on :
Should I stop returning her calls so quickly , say leave till after work ? (we call couple of times every day)
Should I agressively admonish her for bad behaviour (quite out of character the other day when she didnt meet me when arranged rather than let it go I told her to 'learn some f***** respect' and it went down quite well, she was shocked but then happy)
Should I try to make her jealous by seeking other female contact
Should I be more forecful when it comes to having sex often - how to approach this ?
Basically any tips to make myself appear like the prize again which she can have if she behaves.
Be very interested in your feedback