My bfs ex has now moved in with him...

[Mackie]

A bit of background I explained there:
My boyfriends family are great - he has a 3 brothers,2 of who met there gfs at 14 and 16 I think and there still together & a twin sister who's been with her boyfriend for a year now. I really like them but I do feel a bit like the new girl I guess cause (well I guess i am) & there all close, like really close. My boyfriend (who's 18 btw) broke up with his ex a year ago, well she broke up with him but it was fairly amicably & until then he'd been with her since he was 15. From what I know her parents died when she was 13 and she lived with her gran and his family really kinda took her under there wing


So then the other day her nan passed away suddenly � which is tragic and I feel really bad for her! And she called my bf like as soon as it happened (like the ambulance was still there) & he dropped everything and went round � which is fine, I don�t have a problem at all! He knew her gran really well so who would she call but him, and of course he should go, he�s incredibly kind and that�s one of the things I love about him!

His dad then told her to move in with them for a while cause shes got nowhere else � which is again understandable but means that now shes the 90% of the time rather than just occasionally like she was before.


Then there was the funeral, obviously I didn�t know her nan but my bf knew her really well and he wanted me to go so I went. And she was giving a eulogy but she was really struggling to do it so my bf got up and hugged her and he did it instead (he did a really good speech considering he was making it up as he went along). And then we went to the wake and he kind of got caught up standing with her doing the whole thanking people for coming as they came and went so I was just sitting with his brothers & sister and there partners, which again its not like im angry about I don�t have a problem with because if he was he type of guy that would leave her to do that by herself he wouldn�t be the guy that im in love with but you know when you can feel strangers looking at you like trying to work out where you fit in, I think people probably assumed he was with her, and I think he realised that too cause he brought it up when we were driving back. It was something like:
Him: sorry I couldn't spend more time with you today. We broke up on good terms, I still care about her and I knew her gran well and she dosent have anyone else, you get that yeah?
Me: (what could i say?) yeah totally I get that, it's fine.
Him: I knew you would
We drove for a bit
Him: you don't like her though do you? (he was grinning)
Me: I dont not like her...we're just very different people
Him: your not half as different as you think you are! Underneath all the bull***** she's not as tough or confident as she makes out, she just pushes everyone away before they really know her that's why she ends up with no one! But I promise you in like 3yrs time you'll get on great!


So then on top of all that Dane works at a boat yard which he really likes but mountain biking his passion and she�s a photographer, she does work for magazines and she�s somehow got his assignment on something mountain-bikey and she�s got him doing the tricks and everything for her shoots, which again how can I be annoyed about that cause it�s his dream to make a living on his bike and its really good exposure for him but its, I dunno, it�s her and his project, and he talks to me about it cause he�s really excited about it, I guess its just another thing they share.

And she's all Daney this and Daney that (no one else calls him that) and yet when we're sitting on the sofa and he goes to hold my hand or put his arm round me I feel awkward like I shouldn't be doing that in front of her - tbh I feel like I'm having an affair with MY own boyfriend!! Haha I mean it's ridiculous really, I know it's silly.
I mean I know I sound like im moaning, which I guess I am, but I can't stress enough that he's great! he's so sweet and honest and romantic and easy going and a little bit shy. I cant quite say why but my gut tells me not to trust her but I trust him completely and utterly which I know is all that matters! - put simply he's my fairytale guy but just sometimes I get this nagging feeling like maybe it's their fairytale�I just feel like I haven�t got any options I cant tell his family what to do, I cant tell him not to be nice to this girl when shes lost any family shes got, what kind of b*tch would that make me � but sometimes I just feel like a bit of a lemon!

Any words of wisdom?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Any words of wisdom?

Tell him to kick her out. If he says no, break up and cease contact.

How long have you been together?

[Mackie]

Tell him to kick her out. If he says no, break up and cease contact.

He's not going to kick her out though, he's too kind for that and im sure his sister would have something to say about that cause her and his ex are good good friends. It just seems like a relatively stupid thing to break up over. I mean I know deep down if he wanted to be with her whats stopping him? But I cant stop it nagging at me slightly..

How long have you been together?

known him about 6 months, dated about 5, He's a friends, friends, brother.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you don't like it either break up or quit your bitching and get used to it.

[Mackie]

haha yeah fair play...I do realise that's kinda my only options, such is life I guess.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

C'est la vie.

[Starnique]

You should feel like a lemon. Why did you agree to this? Push him in her arms why don't ya? Yes her nan passed and its unfortunate but that's not your problem. She couldn't find anywhere else to go? Bullshit. Get him away from her. She already.got his condolences. That's it. Move on.

[VincenzoG91]

haha yeah fair play...I do realise that's kinda my only options, such is life I guess.

That, or a threesome.

[Mackie]

You should feel like a lemon. Why did you agree to this?

It's just, I don't see another way without us breaking up. I feel like his families tight I don't want to seem like a nutty gf who comes in and starts kicking her heels up about everything... I'm not particularly happy about it but I just don't see another way how I can do anything about it?

Push him in her arms why don't ya? Yes her nan passed and its unfortunate but that's not your problem. She couldn't find anywhere else to go? Bullshit.

Yeah im sure she must have other friends. His dad offered and she said yes - like I say theres something about her and the way she is with him I don't trust, but on the other hand I do trust him so I feel like maybe im just being an idiot and should suck it up, I dunno.

[Mackie]

That, or a threesome.

Oh don't!!

[Starnique]

Yeah but don't let the ex be in the threesome. That's craziness.

I'm not getting why she staying with him. She has to go. You seem nice but don't be silly.

[Mackie]

I'm not getting why she staying with him. She has to go. You seem nice but don't be silly.

I guess, its difficult, if you take her out of the equation we're really really great, he's a really great bf - he treats me well, he never lets me down, he does nice things for me and I love him.
I feel like maybe im just over reacting and its not that bigger of a deal...I dunno none of them seem to think its a big deal or would bother me, and I do trust him, but I cant help that I do feel sitting having breakfast with my bf, his brother & his ex while she's all 'Daney can you bring in the orange juice' is a more than a little weird...I dunno, its confusing and complicated.

[fraser]

Why did they break up?

[j-white]

Wow you're in a really tough position here. You go about things wrong and you become the antithesis of this woman who he still respects greatly. That wouldn't be a good thing.

You should start by feeling out the situation. Ask him how long she'll be staying etc, small questions like this. The answers may be what you'd like to hear, or he may spot you have a problem and ask about it.
That's when you say you have a small insecurity about the situation or something, get your feelings out without coming across as controlling or resentful.

After just 5months you won't come out well if you make demands or put yourself against this woman.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Wow, j-white, way to be a complete pussy.

Its not controlling and resentful to stipulate your boyfriend can't have his ex move in.

Mackie, do you really want this chick around ALL the time? Asking questions and feeling the situation out, isn't going to do you a bit of good. She is still going to be there, and you're still going to be uncomfortable. I think you should give him a timeline, and if she isn't gone by say, a month, then leave him. You seem incredibly gutless and weak though, so you'll probably just deal with the constant discomfort, which at this point you deserve.