I am in love with my Ex and I think my husband knows it. HELP!

[meandhim]

I have been separated from my husband for 10 months. We initially separated because he hadn't worked in 2 years nor was he trying to, he cheated with his daughters mother, he was arrested for child support and I was not happy anymore. My ex whom I dated for 6 years (age 14 - 20) has always had a very special place in my heart and soul. During my marriage I communicated (via text) with him just on birthdays but never forgot or truly stopped loving him. Since my separation we have hooked back up and picked up like we never left each other. However, I am struggling with the fact if I should stay with my husband. He has gotten a job and has become a better father to our son but I just don't love him in that way anymore. We have been trying to work it out but I can't get over the deep connection I have with my ex. It is a true bond that I have been searching for in other relationships but never found. I hate to hurt my husband but I don't want to be in a marriage when I know that I love someone else. My husband knows that my ex still loves me and that I care for him. I filed for divorce but voluntarily dismissed it because I was unsure. I know I have to make a decision and soon. PLEASE HELP!!!

[basilandthyme]

I think marriage counselling with your husband WITH individual counselling for yourself is the way to go. Not to immediately work on reconciling your differences with him, but with a view to figuring out if you can love him like a wife should love a husband. And find out if you can trust him again. Thing is, there's always the chance that after he's gotten you back, he may return to his old ways.

Is there any track record for figuring out if your husband will return to his old ways? Have you been through serious problems like this previously?

And the other guy in your life....is settling down with him an option? Is the passion from his side equalling yours? Would he make a good step-dad to your son? Do your attitudes about child rearing align?

Edited to add: if you should decide to leave your husband - don't rush in to go live with your ex. Give the new relationship at least a year before making any decisions.

[meandhim]

Thank you for the advice. My husband and I have went to counseling but it has not helped. His child's mother has always been an issue and he has never made me a priority in that situation until now. He has a history of lying about anything so it is hard for me to trust anything he says. When he cheated 3 yrs ago with her but I stayed hoping I could get over.

the other man that I am involved with can you really love me and has for the last 14 years. She definitely wants kids and we have the same goals and dreams. we only broke up because we knew we needed to see other people but our feelings never died. I do not plan on making any serious decisions with him for at least a year.