Need your thoughts

[Crystalx]

Hello all,

I've been talking with this guy online, he seemed very sweet, sensitive, and caring. He has a girlfriend for 4 years now, but he admitted he cheats as they are in a long distance relationship. I was quite attracted to him, he had a strong sex appeal, and we used to chat a lot about sex and all. I told him that I will not have sex with him as he's in a relationship, and I won't do something reckless or temporary. As much as I love sex, I need to trust someone fully to completely give myself over to him, and I could not do that while he was already committed to someone.
We finally met, and it lead to intense moments. I must admit I've never felt so sexually attracted to anyone before. I could stop myself before I'd do something stupid. I later asked how could he be lying to his girlfriend so hard, without her realizing that it's total bullshit (sorry for my word). He said until we move in together, things won't be very stable or serious, which he hasn't said earlier. He said she's the one i love(quoting) and I won't love anyone else. She's the one I want to marry. That made me kinda sad, as I have allowed myself to engage in intense moments, although yes i knew he was in a relationship.
If I knew things were that serious, I doubt I would have agreed on meeting him.
So finally, I woke up this morning, feeling very guilty, and angry at myself for letting someone into my life(even for just a few moments).
The big question is: IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? Im mature enough to know that this is definitely NOT the definition of true love, even though he deeply seemed to believe it. I would like your thoughts on that. A perspective of a "player" would be very appreciated here. I would love to understand why all these happened, and if this is actually possible.

[michelle23]

You need to get him out of your life now. Hes just looking for sex and he will never fall for you. He will use you and then flick you away like a used tissue and move onto someone else. Hes an asshole and even if his GF comes home and they get married-he will continue to cheat on her. You should try to find her on FB and send her an anonymous letter saying "your bf cheats on you all the time" -even give her the link to his profile online so she has proof and will hopefully dump him. He doesn't deserve her. It is cruel and wrong. Imagine marrying this guy and then finding out hes been cheating on you the whole time you were together before your wedding day. Its like marrying a stranger. Its all a lie.

Anyway they are two fools for even attempting long distance as it doesn't work but its not an excuse to cheat and lie. If he cant hack long distance-they should either agree to an open relationship or break up. What he is doing is wrong and don't feel sorry for him no matter what bullshit sop story he gives you.

Hes toxic and he will drag you down and break your heart so stay the f**k away from him. You sound like a smart girl who has good morals and strong integrity so don't be a fool for him and hold onto that good in you. Loyalty is a great quality to have as well as respecting others feelings and having emotional intelligence. Stay true to who you are and don't break your own rules for this asshole.

Good luck

[bcgirl]

Of course you feel horny for him because psychologically this guy is something "naughty" that you shouldn't have and this subconsciously makes you crave him even more which is dangerous and how girls wind up falling for married men. You are playing with fire and you should just run far away from this scenario. Shame on him for being a scumbag and cheating on his girlfriend that he plans on marrying, but you don't gotta be part of this drama. Sleeping with him or just becoming more involved will never have a happy ending at the end of all this. Besides, would you feel completely comfortable and confident to have a bf you know has cheated previously many times? After the naughty sex wares off, you'll be left with a scumbag who you can't trust

[smackie9]

He has needs so since he is in a long distance relationship, he feels he is entitled to go out and satisfy his needs with other girls. It's quite simple girl, he is just looking for sex duh. It's quite a douchey thing but this is what you get with LDRs....it's just way too easy to cheat.

You should have never met him anyways because he DID tell you he was in a relationship... being in a relationship, is that not being serious with someone?

Since he revealed that info and you agreed to meet him, you DID give him the impression you would be on board with this. So don't place all the blame on him, you knew of his situation but you continued on because your vagina was doing the talking.

Guys can do this sort of thing because they find it easier than women to separate sex from love. Sex is just sex, and they don't need emotional attachment to enjoy sex. The distance contributes a lot to making it easy too.

[Crystalx]

Thank you all for your replies. I should know from the start not to meet with him.
I know now I should stay as far away as possible, even if something tells me go for it(stupid, i know).

Appreciate your thoughs

[smackie9]

Well it's not stupid to go for it if you only want sex out of it...then there is no issue IMO.

[Crystalx]

I'm very sexual, but it's not all about sex for me. I need to have an emotional attachment to go all in.

[Ginger2013]

If you need an emotional attachment, you already know you won't get it with him. I too don't understand why guys (and girls) who say they are in love, want marriage with one girl...cheat on them for sex. I mean, can't he just masturbate? I feel bad for his clueless gf. Sure they're in a long distance relationship, but why stay with someone 4 years if you're not going to be serious about it? Weird. Don't feel bad or guilty, we all feel sexual feelings for those we probably shouldn't at times.

[smackie9]

I'm very sexual, but it's not all about sex for me. I need to have an emotional attachment to go all in.

If this is so why get mixed up with a guy that is unavailable to you emotionally?

[okwhat2013]

Hello all,

I've been talking with this guy online, he seemed very sweet, sensitive, and caring. He has a girlfriend for 4 years now, but he admitted he cheats as they are in a long distance relationship. I was quite attracted to him.

All you need to know right from the start, quite funny. You want him to be a good guy because you are into him. So take the BS online stuff, btw I am super hot 5 yr old female from a planet orbiting Sirius(my species can reproduce at 2 monthes dont start being weird), and except the BS as fact, he is kind and caring. However, when in all honesty the only time he was probably honest, I cheat on my current girlfriend, ignore that. I honestly think the best practice is when you hear something you want to hear consider that as fact, when you hear or find out something you doesnt fit yr fantasy is to downplay it or just flat out don't believe.

[Crystalx]

Have you never been in a situation like this? There is always a solution, it's not like it's impossible. If he wanted to, he would break up with his gf and be with me. I'm guessing that's what I hoped for in the time.

[smackie9]

Yes I have been and he didn't leave his GF.

[Ginger2013]

Have you never been in a situation like this? There is always a solution, it's not like it's impossible. If he wanted to, he would break up with his gf and be with me. I'm guessing that's what I hoped for in the time.

Last summer when I first started dating again, I met a guy from BC on a lonely person's forum. We clicked right away, seemed to have lots in common, planned to meet, wanted to spend our lives together...then I found out he lied about reconnecting with his ex-wife of 10 years or so. He assured me it was nothing, they tried again and it didn't work...he kept the sweet talking going and I believed him, but always was suspicious that he was actually just having an online affair with me. I decided to get serious, asked him to come meet me two weeks later, as I knew he was off on vacation. Oh the fun we had planning! He even said he booked the plane! I gave him my address and we couldn't wait to meet. A few days before he was supposed to be here, he dropped off the face of the earth and I never heard from him again. I didn't know FOR SURE that he was cheating on his wife, I only suspected, but deep down, I hoped he wasn't. They rarely leave the wives/long-term gf's, at least from my experience and what I've seen in our society.

And yeah, if he really wanted to, he would break up with his gf to be with you, but he isn't. I hope you find someone else who is single so you can have him all to yourself!