After the most miserable 10 year relationship & marriage I finally found the courage to escape my situation which would have lead to my death bed if I'd stayed. With two amazing children to consider, my life & marriage had gotten to a stage where my eldest was asking why I was always so sad. These words not only broke my heart but also drove me to leave their father. After 10 years so unhappy & never in love, my body took a toll from the stress & worry of my marriage & by the time I left I was a very sick, anorexic looking 40kg's.
Finally free from the stresses of my marriage I was fortunate enough to meet an amazing man whom I truly love with all my heart. I have never felt this way about anyone before, we laugh & talk, we have so much in common & appreciate all the great wonders of this world with the same passion, we have so much fun together & never seem to disagree on anything. He is everything & more than I ever wanted or hoped to find in a man. He treats me so beautifully, his so sweet & caring & he is so great with my children, they get along beautifully & the children already call him their step-dad.
For the sake of not say 'him' & 'he', all the time, we'll call my new partner Mr D.
Mr D was married before he met me & had been divorced for almost 2 years but in that time he had a relationship with an older woman that treated him really badly & had a princess complex (everything perfect & no concept of reality lol), she was very up in the air, on & off again with the change of her mood & kept him secret for the whole relationship. She really crushed him, his spirits, his confidence in himself & in others & has caused him to be over cautious. I feel that she got the best of him & I'm left with a broken man, that doesn't trust me, is cautious of getting close & questions my feelings for him.
Mr D has been asking me & the children to move in with him for a while now, so I decided that we should trial it to see how the children get along with him & how Mr D handles have children in his house. Other than his ex-wife, Mr D has lived a very quiet life of solitude with very few friends & a busy work schedule, so I was wanting to ease him into a life with two children. It's an instant family after all & his world is essentially being turned upside down. So on the weekends the children & I have been staying at Mr D's home & I have been staying the a few other days a week while the children are with there father. Things have been going really well, the children enjoy staying there & he seems to enjoy having them there.
So things are great, Mr D is fantastic & the children adore him. What more could I ask for, what am I seeking advice on, I should count myself lucky to have found a fantastic man that I love that accepts my children & that my children adore.
I am lucky & I truly appreciate him & everything he does.
Every now & then he gets really down, emotionally & doesn't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone, so he cancels our time together & won't allow me to even call (we usually talk every night for 3 or so hours). It hurts so much as he just shuts down & won't talk to me or talk anything through. He also implies that any time I do have to myself I will be having an affair, he always doubts my love or why I love him & suggests I'll be bored of him in time. Anything I do say to try to ease his mind or worries is met with 'its just words, I don't do words', I try to show him how I feel & how much he means to me but I feel it's in vain. It hurts so much his distrust in me but I don't know what to do.
He also brings up my past which I now regret even telling him about but at the time I felt I had no choice but to tell the truth. More than 10 years ago when I was young & foolish, trying to find my way as a women in the world of men that mistreated me, I stupidly slept with a few different men. Mr D asked me of my experience & as we were so open & honest I told him, now he brings it up often & tells me you can't hide from your past. I'm not trying to hide from it, I was honest about it, I regret it but its in the past it doesn't make me who I am, I grew up & changed & never want to be that stupid again, I learnt from my mistakes.
I don't know what to do, I'm so in love with this man, in 99% of our relationship things are fantastic, he is so sweet, gentle, caring, thoughtful, we enjoy so much of our time together & I'm truly the happiest I have ever been but then he goes through these moods & I'm left wondering what I've done wrong, why won't he trust me, believe in me, have faith I'll be faithful. I'm so scared of getting my heart broken, after the most miserable marriage you could imagine I thought I'd finally found the one I was meant to be with all this time. I'm scared if he can't handle the instant family & leaves me, I'll resent my children. I'm so desperately in love with him I can't bear to be without him but I just don't know what to do when he goes through his moods.
Finally Happy but so scared to be heart broken